Yays and Nays

Today was quite the day. For some reason I was highly annoyed quite a bit. And NO Aunt Flo isn't visiting for any sexist jerks out there theorizing on why I might be extra bitchy today.

I think I'm just going to make a list of the annoying things and balance them with some good ones so I don't come off as a totally miserable shrew.

Realize,this is a purely self-indulgent, cathartic, venting type of exercize for me so you might want to skip this entry if you have a low tolerance for bitching.


The Sour:

1.)People who walk in front of me on the street or in the subway in a meandering, zig-zag fashion. WTF people? To the left to the left? To the right to the right? MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

2.)In a related gripe, people who STOP dead at the top of an escalator. When I am behind them. And that vicious machine is still angrily cranking it's evil, gnashing metal stairs rapidly along. Get the pic?

3.) The existence of Twitter. I don't care what you had for lunch. I don't care about your new shoes. I don't care about the douchebag move your neighbor pulled. Please stop it. Stop it right now. Just stop. Okay? Please?


4.)John and Kate plus 8. COME ON. For the love of all that is holy, why am I being bombarded with the lurid details of their daily existence? I have never watched their show. I refuse to. I hate these people. Well, maybe not the kidlets, they don't deserve my fury but Mom and Dad suck ballz. How did they land a show? Why are they referred to as a "celeb" couple? This just infuriates me. It is indicative of everything that is wrong in the world. If this show is renewed for another season...well, then we have finally let the terrorists win haven't we?

5.) Insincere people. Confused People. People who say one thing and mean another and think I'm a mind reader. People who lack the ability to view others as thinking, feeling individuals just like them. People who do not live by the principle of treating others as they wish to be treated. It's so simple isn't it?

6.)Lara Spencer on The Insider. You know her, that skinny blond on that stupid Entertainment Tonight rip off show. I loathe this woman. I used to love her when she was on channel 7 here in NYC as a human interest segment reporter. Now she is a vapid fool. One minute she talks about David Carradine's death, the next she's telling you all about her outfit and her accessories and where to get them. I would love to slap her silly and ask her what happened to her since she moved to Hollywood.


7.) Passive aggressive psycho boss who tells me how amazinglyfabulous I am and then screams at me for something I had absolutely nothing to do with. Then hangs up on me without listening to me explain. Then figures out she wrongly chewed my face off. Then does not bother to apologize. Watch out for the fish bones beeatch, they're gonna get you eventually.


The Sweet:

1.)A patients wife giving me a glass of homemade lemonade today. Then she hugged me and told me she loved me. Then I watched her change her severely impaired husbands diaper and feed him lunch. And smile and cuddle him through the entire ordeal. If she was a man I would kidnap her and marry her. Hell, maybe I still will. Vermont is only a state away.

2.) The existence of Simon Baker. Don't like blonds per se. Am a bit confused by this but think of him occasionally in a day dreamy way and actually smile.

3.) My home cooked dinner of chicken curry stew. Take an onion, few cloves of garlic, bit of oil. Let it go for a bit. Add a tsp of GOOD curry powder, tsp of cumin and 2 tsp coriander. Few shakes of sriracha sauce. salt to taste. Let it get toasty. Now add about 10 to 12 skinless chicken drummettes. Now dump in a 16 ounce can of tomato sauce. Maybe a 1/2 can water. Now add a pound of chunked up carrots. Cover and let it go. for like an hour. Take the chicken out. Add about 4 zucchinis cut up roughly. Let it go for maybe 15 to 20 min. Add the chicken back to the pot. Stir in 1/4 cup greek yogurt. NOT the sissy yogurt, the manly greek stuff. Lastly add 2 Tablespoon peanut butter. That's it. YUMMO. Eat over Jasmine or Basmati rice and send me fan letters.

4.)The existence of Bacon. I thought about Bacon today and I smiled and felt warmly inside. Yes, it's capitalized and I know it and it always should be. If I could be intimate with a food, it would be Bacon. I would not fuck Bacon. I would make sweet love to Bacon. And you all know how I feel about that phrase "make love". It grosses me out like nothing else but with Bacon, I would fully realize that "making love" really does exist. I would marry Bacon. I'm tearing up just thinking of how happy Bacon and I would be together. Till the end of our lives, forever and ever. No judging, no worries or disappointments ever. Wait, where was I? Oh right, blog entry...*ahem, cough cough*

5.) A text I got today from my ex. This is a man who talks about poop with me and forays it into a reasonably intelligent conversation. It was a picture of a donut. It went like this:

Him: *insert donut pic*

Me: ?????

Him: I just ate a donut

Me: Ahhh, it was that simple


THE END. That interaction was the most satisfying one I had all day. It made me laugh. It made me smile. It made me feel understood in a strange way.


That's all for now :)