Behold, the Morton salt girl. Doesn't she look kicky with her umbrella and her salt? She's had several incarnations over the years, 6 to be exact. Morton salt has been around since the 1800's but the Umbrella Girl has been around since 1914. The Umbrella Girl remains ageless, but she has continued to change with the times. Makeovers to modernize her looks began in 1921 and continued in 1933, 1941, 1956 and 1968. Think of her as the original "Rhianna". Morton really needs to start a campaign with that stupid "Umbrella" song backing people using their salt, right? I'm onto something aren't I? It's nice to know that my marketing degree hasn't totally gone to waste. What a tie in THAT would be! Get a free CD with each salt purchase. Hmmmm. I think this umbrella girl may be the only person to have endured 95 years of solid rain with a smile. I am on about two weeks of it and I am the antithesis of the Umbrella Girl.
It has been raining for what seems like an eternity here. I cannot remember when it has not been gray and wet outside and quite frankly, it is taking it's toll on me mentally. It's making me suicidal. If it does not stop soon I am going to be in jail for killing someone or in a psychiatric institution for trying to kill myself. If one more person tells me "WE NEED IT" I am going to kill said person. With my bare hands. And a crazy grin. And then wait peacefully till the police come and get me.
There is something about rain that depresses the hell out of me. Oddly, I do not feel the same loathing for snow. I love snow. Snow actually makes me happy. Just hearing that snow is coming fills me with excitement. The only times in my life that I have actually enjoyed rain were as a child when I was at my Aunts summer camp and we would sit on the huge porch and watch it move in sheets across the lake until it reached us. It was so dramatic, like watching an approaching tornado. We could literally see the rain on the other side of the lake slowly moving toward us. I also used to love sitting outside on the porch on hot summer evenings and watching the heat lightening off in the distance and hearing the rumbles of an oncoming storm. The only other fond memory of rain that I have is that of all the times spent on rainy days in bed with my then boyfriend. We would just lay together and read and talk and watch movies and feel cozy together. Notice that all these memories involve me being in a dry place during the rain.
At this point in my life, my job requires me to travel all day from one client to the next. I'm sort of like a postal employee in respect to having to be outdoors on and off all day. Today was the worst day I have had in years. Even with the proper gear I was soaking wet all day. I called my office and told them that enough was enough, I was finishing early and I came home to a hot shower and my jammies and a long nap. Even after this. I'm still feeling surly and dreading MORE RAIN. so here is my list of the pros and cons of rain vs snow.
RAIN PROS:
1.)Obvious environmental benefits.
THAT'S IT.
RAIN CONS:
1.) Bad hair weather.
2.)Bad shoe weather.
3.)Mentally draining and depressing.
4.)Everything smells like mildew.
5.)Public transportation is a completely chaotic mess.
6.)Feels like the universe is spitting on me all day.
7.)Getting hit in the face every 4.5 minutes with someone else's giant umbrella.
8.)People are less tolerant of each other in severely rainy weather. Subway seats get wet, people drip all over each other when standing in close proximity.
9.)EVERYTHING IS WET.
SNOW PROS:
1.)It's gentle, it's fluffy (generally speaking), it's like ethereal love taps from the universe. I can brush it off and there is no evidence that it was even there.
2.)If you're a kid, you may get out of school. If you're an adult you may get out of work. Even if you don't completely get out of either, you will probably be able to come in late or leave early. It's win win.
3.)It makes everything look magically clean and pure for the time that it is there.
4.)Cocoa and cookies are a requisite treat when it is snowing.
5.) Santa is making your presents.
6.)I look adorably cute bundled up.
7.)My hair always looks fabulous.
8.)My snow boots mean serious business.
9.)People are nicer to each other when it's snowing. They really are.
SNOW CONS:
1.)Severe snow can kill you (think avalanches, bad driving if you don't know how to drive in snow)...that's really all I can think of.
The above is my warped perspective, I don't want to hear reasons to love rain, I just don't. That little Morton salt 'ho loves it enough for all of us.
That's all for now :)
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