First Farrah,then Michael Jackson and now, now the biggest blow of all, Billy Mays has bit the dust! Out of this weeks deaths, this one shocks me the most. Farrah was ill for a long time, Michael Jackson had health issues and it really isn't totally crazy that he succumbed to them but Billy Mays seemed like he had another 30 or 40 years of screaming left in him! Actually, I feel like I should be typing this entire post in caps as a tribute to his perpetual screaming
If you don't know who I'm talking about, just turn on your TV and watch an oxyclean commercial. That is Billy Mays. He was always screaming. Always trying to sell you something and he basically made a career from nothing. Apparently he may have died from a Natasha Richardson type of injury after a rough plane landing yesterday where he was hit in the head with some luggage. This is speculation at this point though. His wife found him dead this morning in their bedroom. This news made me sad. I did not expect to be sad because Billy Mays is such a random person to be talking about, but he is young and he seemed like he had such energy and such a great attitude. Can't you just imagine him clearing away the dinner dishes and saying 'BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!" and then bringing out dessert? It turns out that he was set to be Taco Bell's new spokesman too. Those commercials would have been in the hall of fame I'm sure. Is it terrible that I am waiting and wondering for Vince the Shamwow guy to make a statement? Watch out baby, It's Vince's time to shine now.
He was an infomercial king. I love infomercials. I hate to admit it, but I do. There is something so mesmerizing about them to me. What I really love is how they show ordinary people, ALWAYS in black and white, struggling with doing something very basic like putting on a necklace or cutting a tomato. They flail about in an overly dramatic fashion that makes me laugh till my stomach hurts. I love the one where the person is struggling to peel an egg and there is another where some poor devil is having issues putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. These people seriously need to be colonized and shot for they are simply too stupid to live.
There is a great one for the Epilator with a woman shaving her legs in the strangest way I have ever seen. In this, the woman doesn't just run the razor across her legs like a normal person would, she actually manages to stab herself with the razor in an awkward fashion and screams in hysterics while we watch. Of course, you don't hear her screaming and she is shown in black and white while an announcer tells you about how much better the product they are trying to sell you is.
Ron Popeil is the Grandaddy of the infomercial. He founded a company called Ronco years ago that has produced tons of gadgets that have been the staple of late night television programming for as long as I can remember. I particularly loved his product GLH-9 Hair in a Can Spray, (Great Looking Hair Formula #9 in case you were wondering). There has been nothing this good before or since. I challenge you to tell me what has been better than hair in a can, you can't can you? You know, it actually did kinda look like hair to me. He also has been responsible for such stellar offerings as the Chop-o-matic ("It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries!"), the Dial--o-matic ("slice a tomato so thin it has only one side!"), the Popeil pocket fisherman, The Showtime Rotisserie ("Set it and forget it!"), and my personal favorite, Mr Microphone. Mr Microphone featured a creepy guy driving around while harassing women by yelling things at them via his megaphone like device ("Hey good looking! I'll be back to pick you up later!).
If you don't know who I'm talking about, just turn on your TV and watch an oxyclean commercial. That is Billy Mays. He was always screaming. Always trying to sell you something and he basically made a career from nothing. Apparently he may have died from a Natasha Richardson type of injury after a rough plane landing yesterday where he was hit in the head with some luggage. This is speculation at this point though. His wife found him dead this morning in their bedroom. This news made me sad. I did not expect to be sad because Billy Mays is such a random person to be talking about, but he is young and he seemed like he had such energy and such a great attitude. Can't you just imagine him clearing away the dinner dishes and saying 'BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!" and then bringing out dessert? It turns out that he was set to be Taco Bell's new spokesman too. Those commercials would have been in the hall of fame I'm sure. Is it terrible that I am waiting and wondering for Vince the Shamwow guy to make a statement? Watch out baby, It's Vince's time to shine now.
He was an infomercial king. I love infomercials. I hate to admit it, but I do. There is something so mesmerizing about them to me. What I really love is how they show ordinary people, ALWAYS in black and white, struggling with doing something very basic like putting on a necklace or cutting a tomato. They flail about in an overly dramatic fashion that makes me laugh till my stomach hurts. I love the one where the person is struggling to peel an egg and there is another where some poor devil is having issues putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. These people seriously need to be colonized and shot for they are simply too stupid to live.
There is a great one for the Epilator with a woman shaving her legs in the strangest way I have ever seen. In this, the woman doesn't just run the razor across her legs like a normal person would, she actually manages to stab herself with the razor in an awkward fashion and screams in hysterics while we watch. Of course, you don't hear her screaming and she is shown in black and white while an announcer tells you about how much better the product they are trying to sell you is.
Ron Popeil is the Grandaddy of the infomercial. He founded a company called Ronco years ago that has produced tons of gadgets that have been the staple of late night television programming for as long as I can remember. I particularly loved his product GLH-9 Hair in a Can Spray, (Great Looking Hair Formula #9 in case you were wondering). There has been nothing this good before or since. I challenge you to tell me what has been better than hair in a can, you can't can you? You know, it actually did kinda look like hair to me. He also has been responsible for such stellar offerings as the Chop-o-matic ("It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries!"), the Dial--o-matic ("slice a tomato so thin it has only one side!"), the Popeil pocket fisherman, The Showtime Rotisserie ("Set it and forget it!"), and my personal favorite, Mr Microphone. Mr Microphone featured a creepy guy driving around while harassing women by yelling things at them via his megaphone like device ("Hey good looking! I'll be back to pick you up later!).
What really makes me roll my eyes is how they now feature pitchmen with foreign accents, as if this gives the product more credibility. If a guy with a British accent says this blender will do the job, then I'm buying it! I just want to be in an "audience" for one of these things before I die. I want to ohh and ahhh and feign shock and get to taste the finished product on camera.
It is sad when any young person dies and I am very sorry for the family that Billy Mays has left behind. Having died so young and in his prime I think it would be completely appropriate were his epithet to read "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Wouldn't it be great if his eulogy was done as an infomercial? I think he would have really appreciated that. I have nothing deeper to say about Billy. I am however composing a musical tribute to him and Michael Jackson that goes a little something like this...."Billy Mays is not my lovah"....that's all I've got so far.
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4 comments:
My favorite gadget was the hair cutter that you attached to your vacuum. I can't remember the name, but I was enthralled by watching the guy cut every family member's hair using his roll around vacuum. They all got the same haircut, too. They all looked like they had mullets.
LOLOL L!! I think that was the FLOBEE! I've actually known people that had that thing and swore it worked. It looked horrifying! For some reason the guy that did that reminds me of the Blue Blockers guy. Remember those sunglasses? UGH!
I was so glad this post closed the way it did, 'coz I was thinking, "well, I wouldn't be sad...my twisted sense of humor would want him talking to a grim reaper or up in heaven saying, 'but wait! there's more!'" ...then you mentioned the Eulogy and we got on track.
I don't like Vince 'coz of that accent, though :-S Sorry, but it's true.
I would have liked to see the Billy Mays Taco Bell commercials. I think they should include the Yo Quero dog ...first, a plain chalupa, MMMM yo quero taco b--BUT WAIT, there's MORE! Now the club chalupa combines the power of chicken, AND Bacon! Back only for a limited time, so if you go now, you'll get not ONE, but TWO Club Chalupa's for the easy payment of $1.99!
LMAO!I'm feeling respectfully sad but I'll have to admit also a bit peckish after reading this :)
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