FML

FML, otherwise know as"fuck my life". There is a website that goes by this name that is basically devoted to people sharing their stories of embarrassing moments or humiliations with others. After telling their absurd tale they end the post with..."FML" or fuck my life.

I would imagine that were David Carradine alive today or better yet, were his spirit able to communicate with us today, he would be posting the events surrounding his untimely demise as his own personal, ultimate FML story. In a lovely gesture, his ex-wife is making all the entertainment show rounds discussing in depth his complusion to tie himself up in the bedroom and to hold his breath in the pool till he passed out. Sweet of her isn't it? In case you live in a cave, the semi-famous actor David Carradine recently bought the farm due to his insatiable lust for a mind blowing orgasm via auto-erotic asphyxiation. You know what that is, right? Basically you strangle yourself cutting off the oxygen to your brain in hopes that it will increase the sensation or some nonsense like that. The thing is, sometimes people die doing this. Remember the lead singer from the band INXS? Yes, my beloved teenage crush Michael Hutchence. Same fate. And the thing with this kind of death is that no matter what you did while you were alive, you could have cured cancer for crying out loud....but you will always be known for all of eternity as "that guy who died jerking off". Pity isn't it?

It reminds me of the conversations I used to have with my good friend about dying. We would speculate on the best and worst ways to go and how we thought we might go. I always thought I would end up ass up and face down on the toilet a la Elvis. Either that or in some huge dramatic WHOOPS type of accident where everyone standing by exclaims, "Wow, did you see that?"

Once, I was enjoying an intimate encounter with an old boyfriend and he got some really fierce chest pains. It was scary. I pushed him to go to the ER and the only thing that really got him to go was when I said..."look, if you collapse on top of me like this it's really gonna kill the mood and people will always talk about the way you died". Off we went to the ER.

I knew a woman whose best friend was in a similar situation with her boyfriend, who was affectionately referred to by everyone in the neighborhood as "Mr Ray". Mr Ray was a total charmer and owned a few apartment buildings. He was known and loved by one and all. He was a really decent guy who helped out a lot of people. The thing about Mr Ray was, he loved the ladies and he had a harem of them. He would give them free apartments in his buildings to keep them easy access so his wife wouldn't suspect anything while he was out sowing his oats. Oh, and Mr Ray was an extremely large, heavy man. Anyway, one night Mr Ray was engaged in some shagging with his lady friend when BOOM. Massive heart attack right on top of her. Mr Ray was so heavy that she was unable to move him off of her and the phone was out of reach. She layed there, completely helpless for a day and a half till someone found her like that. Can you imagine the trauma of that? Being completely naked for an entire day and night with a huge naked dead guy festering on top of you? This is a story that everyone in the neighborhood still talks about to this day. I cannot think of a more appropriate FML story than that one.

So let this be a lesson to all of you freaks out there who have the urge to strangle yourselves on your ultimate thrill quest, do it at your own risk. You may be forever known for your sensational death and nothing more.

That's all for now! :)