Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009's Year of Behaving Badly Top 10


Last night, I was thinking about "scandals" over the past year and how unbelievable the behavior of some people can be. What causes people to do the crazy things they do and why do so many people seem to have the warped sense of entitlement that they do? I don't remember so much of stuff like this happening when I was a kid. We had scandals and all but it just didn't seem so widespread and ridiculous. I know this is going to make me sound really curmudgeonly and old but I think reality TV and technology have a lot to do with this. Everybody wants a show, no one wants to actually work for a living and computers and cell phones and the like make cheating and having affairs a drop in the bucket. *gets off soapbox*.

So here, in no particular order except for my top pick, are the top 10 scandals of the year for me.

1.) Coming in in the top spot, My boyfriend Rod Blagojevich. Unless you've been hiding under a rock you know that this schmecksy little man faced federal corruption charges regarding the appointment of President Obama's vacant senate seat. There were also a slew of additional charges but the fun here was in his extremely delusional personality. He has made for scandal. Just looking at his hair makes me laugh. He still maintains his innocence despite huge amounts of evidence to the contrary. For some reason, I am totally in love with him. *NY's resolution to self, stop going for the bad boys*

Subcategory: Cheating Manwhore Bastards:

2.) Senator John Edwards and the pregnancy that brought down his presidential campaign. Remember this? Cool guy, great wife and family, had everything going for him? Cheats on his wife with an unstable nutcase, gets her pregnant and uses close friend/business associate as a cover up? Everything came crashing down , he was exposed, made requisite Oprah appearance with angry wife...end of story. *Fades into obscurity*

3.) South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and the Argentinian lovah/soulmate scandal. This dude didn't even know how to cheat correctly. He basically disappeared for 5 days, turned off his work phone, a search party was sent out for him while the entire time he was in Argentina with his "lovah" for whom he made really cheesy, embarrassingly gushy proclamations of love for on national television whilst his beleaguered wife sat by with the beleaguered wife grimace.

4.)Tiger Woods. Tigers Woods. Tigers Wood? Tiger Would? Tiger Tiger Tiger :( 'nuff said.

5.)David Letterman bribery scandal. Dave was basically the victim (if you could call him that) of an extremely lame shakedown bribery attempt from the ex boyfriend of Dave's former lovah. This little lady was also involved with the briber who seemed to be jealous and pissed off and saw Dave as the answer to his financial problems. This man actually managed to accomplish the impossible with me. He made me see the cheater in a sympathetic light. For me, Dave actually came our smelling like a rose. BRIBERY FAIL.

----------------------

6.) Bernie Madoff. wow. Just...Wow. If the dictionary had photographs next to definitions, this mans picture would be featured next to the word "douchebag". He's not even a "douche". To me, a douche is a person who has committed a single act of douchery, a douchebag is someone who has committed several acts of douchery. Actually Madoff could be dubbed a 'douche lord". He is above and beyond and has set the precedent for others to follow.

7.) Balloon Boy. Ah, the Heene family. Lovely people. Pretending their 6 year old son had floated away in a homemade balloon.Attracted worldwide attention, closed the airport, called out the national guard, etc etc. Oh and guess what? It was a hoax. Mr and Mrs Henne thought this would be a cool idea and help them get a reality TV show. Only problem was, their 6 year old son sold them out during a TV interview and admitted that they did it for a TV show. Ahh the mouths of babes. I despise Mr and Mrs Heene more than I can say. They are disgusting individuals who deserve jail time for the trouble and worry that they caused. They are a fine example of everything that is wrong with people today.

8.) Chris Brown beating up Rhianna. Widely leaked pictures of a battered Rhianna circulated. Terrible story. Anyone who supports this mans career or buys his music after this is a meathead, plane and simple.

9.) Tareq and Michaele Salahi crash a state dinner at the White House and manage to bypass all security without and invite. They mingle freely with the likes of Vice President Biden and Cheif of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Oh, guess what? They too are aspiring reality TV stars just as those idiotic Heenes are. Can we please stop making reality TV shows? It seems to be bringing out the lowest common denominator in people.

10.)Michael Jackson dies. Wow. It's not like we didn't see this coming but still, it was quite the shock and so surreal. The whole celebrity drug culture became quite the topic du jour for a while. Actress Brittany Murphy's recent death raised the issue again. I don't know what to think of MJ's personal trials and tribulations but I don't think anyone could deny his immense talent. RIP Mr J.

So there you have it, that is what came to my mind when reviewing 2009, I'm sure there are more out there but these were the outstanding ones for me. I hope this next year is a peaceful and prosperous one for you and you achieve everything your heart desires! Thank you for coming here and reading my babble, I hope you've found a chuckle or two here and I promise to bring you a few more next year, kisses and hugs and a very safe New Year to everyone!....xoxoxoxoxox

LMF :)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Gotta Go?



If you happen to be strolling through the Times Square area here in NYC and you are suddenly overcome with the urge to use the facilities I've got good news for you! There is a lovely young lady dressed as a toilet who sincerely wants to help you. She has spunk and a bubbly personality, which is quite a feat. I don't know how happy I would be if my job was to encourage people to void their bowels but hey, whatever works for you. Enjoy the go! Courtesy of the good people at Charmin :)

Christmas Ear Worms

Last night, I had a hilarious conversation with my good friend about Christmas music. It all started because I was in the grocery store chatting on my phone with her and all of a sudden a horrible song came over the piped in music and I started to cringe and plead for it to stop. This gem was none other than that god forsaken "Wham" ear bomb "Last Christmas". You know it, I know you do, it goes like this Laaaaaaaast Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it awaaaa-aaaay.Thiiiiiiis year to save me from tears. I'll give it to someone speciaaaaaaal". This song just sticks in my brain for hours and hours, days even, and quite frankly, it blows dogs for quarters. This got us talking about bad Christmas music. We came to an agreement on our top most hated songs and they are as follows.

5.) Bruce Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". What the hell Bruce Springsteen? I'm not a fan of yours but I think this is really lame and it makes me want to punch you. I hate that fake bluesy horn solo, Clarence Clemmons should be ashamed of himself as well. OMG, I truly loathe this song intensely. Take that hat off and stop acting foolish. Please.





4.) "This Christmas", written by the super talented Donny Hathaway and sung by everyone from Christina Aguilera to that nasty woman beater Chris Brown. It goes something like this (cheesy horn intro....da da da da da.....da da da da daaaaaaa) "Hang all the mistletoe, I'm gonna get to know you better,yeah THIS CHRISTMAS"....UGH. This song just bugs me intensely. I hate it. I can't tell you why, I would imagine a creepy guy to be singing it to a girl he doesn't have a chance with . I HATE it.



3.) "Merry Christmas Darling" by The Carpenters. "Merry Christmas Darling, Happy New Year toooooooooaaaaahhhhhhhhh" OK, I realize that Karen Carpenter's voice has been praised by many as a beautiful instrument but it honestly makes me feel like I am counting down backwards from 100 with the surgical team hovering around me in anticipation of me falling unconscious so they can slice me apart.





2.) Wham's "Last Christmas. First of all, I seem to be forever ruined for George Michael by his solicitation of public bathroom sex with unattractive men and every time I hear of him or see him I immediately think of that. Now I do not care what anyone does but it's just an association that I seem to have that ruins anything George Michael for me. I'm not a big George Michale fan before but I'll admit, I adored Wham as a teenager. Yes that's right, Wham. Andrew Ridgely, bless you wherever you are. I'd rather be listening to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go than this crap. Note the puffy highlighted hairdon't George Michael is sporting. Long Live the early 80's!







1.) And the number one worst Christmas song of all time for me is Sir Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas ". "We're simply, having a wonderful Christmas time".Really Paul McCartney? Really? Are you really seriously singing this piece of shit as a legitimate Christmas song? You're a Beatle God Damn it! I expect WAY more from you than this embarrassment. I totally fell out with you during your "Wings" years but I managed to forgive your transgressions and now this? I heard a comedian describe the beginning of this song so perfectly it made me laugh till my sides hurt. He said " This song sounds like two Casios fucking." I completely agree with this assessment. What a horrible song from such a talented man. I am just speechless. This song makes me want to tear my hear out, boil my ears and smash whatever it's coming out of. 'Nuff said.




What the hell ever happened to the Nat King Cole, Sinatra type of Christmas music? Even that great Vince Guaraldi stuff, you know the Charlie Brown soundtrack? now THAT, That my friends is Christmas music! Oh, I forgot to mention that god awful Mannheim Steamroller shit. Can you believe they are on TOUR? WTF? Is there even a "they", it seems like one guy performing musical masturbation on computerized equipment. Please tell me this is not an actual legitimate"band" of some sort.You know their "Deck the Halls?" OMG, why is this on every third song everywhere I go? I just have nothing else to say.


Bonus Ear Worm:


OMG, there is nothing worse than this , just nothing. I totally agree with the poster who said this Christmas+ "The final Countdown"= Mannheim Steamroller. I have nothing else to add to this. I am just amazed that people go to watch this stuff live. What is to watch? I refuse to believe anyone I know and love would think this is legitimate entertainment and anyone who does needs counseling STAT.



Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!


























Today is Christmas eve and I decided for the first time in a long time to work a full day. I sort of figured that most of my patients would not want to be seen due to having family around or it being an almost holiday but I was really surprised to be welcomed with open arms. As a matter of fact, every single one of them was happy to hear my voice when I called them and said "Hi there, it's your therapist, do you want me to come and visit you today?" Every single one said "Yes! Please come!"

It made me realize something I already knew, that holidays are a lot of build up and hype and for many people, it can be a lonely time that reminds them how alone they really are, or how special the past may have been for them. One patient in particular is normally a very hard nosed, cold person toward me but today, she was different. She smiled at me, which she never does, and we sat down and seemed to interact effortlessly. She admitted to me that she was having problems with her Grandson who lived with her, that he in unemployed, has no motivation, depends on her for everything and is spoiled and disrespectful toward her and she is worried about what his fate will be when she dies. Both of his parents were drug addicts and are dead and she is all he has and vice versa. It reminded me so much of my own situation with my Mother before she died. I had a pretty rough childhood and I too was a lazy, do-nothing person. My own mother worried about me too and when she passed away I found some amazing strength in me that I never knew I had and I really seemed to pull myself together in a shocking way. I told her my story and she said to me "but you had a mother", etc etc. I explained to her that my Mother had an illness that ruined a lot of my childhood and forced me to grow up as a small child and I had no other family to depend on. I said to her "the only advantage I have ever had over you is being white, everything else in my life was horrible and a struggle from day one." We locked eyes and we truly connected. We held hands. She listened to me, I assured her that her grandson would be OK without her, that it would be hard for him but he would surely pull out those values she taught him and get it together eventually. She hugged me and we both cried. I made a new friend today and it was worth working on Christmas eve for this alone.

The rest of my day was spent with 6 other people,all of them extremely nostalgic, telling me stories about long ago and hugging me hello and goodbye. I spent twice as much time with each of them as I do on a normal day and it was a truly wonderful day. I came home and spent more time on the phone calling in orders for them for wheelchairs and other things to make them safe and comfortable and I had to write a few letters justifying these things to get their insurance to pay for them. A couple of them called me and told me how glad they were that I came to see them today.

The thing about all of this is, along with my own life experiences it has given me the perspective and ability to really see that everything is fleeting. If you love someone tell them today without caring whether it's said back to you, just do it because things change whether you want them to, expect them to or not. I feel blessed and lucky that I was able to bring comfort and companionship to the people I saw today. I never thought I would be doing a job like this but I think it's perfect for me and in the end I realize that I need them just as much as they need me for it is in helping others that I have fully come to see why I am continuing to exist despite questioning it after some difficult times and a lot of losses.

Tonight, I am going to put out a crap load of food and eat my brains out (Shhhh, dont tell Weight Watchers) with someone I love. I'm just going to be grateful for what I have tonight and I'm not going to think about what is coming tomorrow. I've realized that while thinking about the future is normal, focusing on it too much can ruin my appreciation of what is happening at this very moment and I miss out on the good things in my life at the present.

December 24th and December 31st seem to turn me into a major guidette. All my Italian-ness come pouring out when normally you probably wouldn't even know I'm Italian. I eat the foods of my childhood, all old school Italian stuff and I am right back at my Aunt Tillie and Uncle Jimmy's kitchen table where everyone is crowded around and the meal goes like this...First macaroni (not pasta, we called it "macaroni"), gravy (that is tomato sauce, we called it gravy), then meat (usually sausage, meatballs maybe ribs or pork chops that were cooked in the "gravy"), then salad. At that time the women all go do the dishes, the men all smoke cigars and talk. Then we all re-adjourn for big bowls of nuts (everyone is given a nut cracker), fresh fennel sliced up and fresh figs and dates and then...coffee and cake. I don't do a production like that now but I do keep some of it and I feel small again when I remember how it felt to sit for hours with loved ones like that. I hope whatever you are doing tonight or tomorrow you are with someone you care about enjoying your time together. For you, I wish you a happy and peacful Christmas!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Smooth Criminal



Sometimes, you just need to look at something pretty and this, this struck me as very pretty and a bit hot. Lovely!

Bad Girl


Only a few days left till Christmas and I can hardly believe it. I'm not a big celebrator of it anymore but I still try to do something. I'm having my best friend over and we are going to hang out and eat something so I realized today that I needed to go buy some food. I went to Fairway, my favorite place to buy food. They simply have it all, even cooked foods and everything is delicious. I realize that I sound like an ad for them but I just can't rave highly enough about this place. For some reason I have been extremely lazy and I decided to buy already prepared things. Anyone who knows me, the former professional pastry chef, knows this is really alarming and a huge red flag indicating major holiday blues. I have always taken pride in my culinary skills and I actually enjoy showing them off but this year, just...no. I actually consider Fairway to be close to what I would actually make if I wasn't being totally lazy. I ended up with lasagna Bolognese, eggplant Florentine, meatballs, broccoli rabe with garlic and garlic bread. A huge chewy almond paste cookie and a walnut brownie for dessert. As I left, I was feeling pretty industrious and pretty good about myself.

I went to dinner with a lovely co-worker/buddie and I then set about my journey home with all my bags of rich, decadent food. Frankly, I was feeling a bit guilty since I always pork up over the holidays and I was thinking about my weight the entire way home and how I seriously need to expanding ass get back to my damned Weight Watchers meetings as soon as New Years is over. I arrived at my stop and got off the train. I trudged up the stairs and was a few blocks from my place when I heard a small voice behind me, "Excuse me, didn't you used to go to weight watchers meetings?" I froze in my tracks and turned around and saw a lovely young lady who indeed did attend the same meetings that I did. BUSTED. I looked down at my food bags and her and I shook my head in defeat. "Yes, yes I did". Turns out, she wanted to know if there was a meeting tonight because she couldn't remember the schedule. We ended up talking and I said to her, "you know, I think in the spirit of Christmas, the baby Jesus put you in my fat path to get me on track again!". We both laughed about it but damn, first I get busted by Vince the weigh in guy at Rite Aid buying candy (see old posts here) and now this? I am like a pathetic alcoholic with food, up/down, up/down over and over. She said to me, "well, you and I are always going to have to struggle aren't we?" I agreed and realized that while I may have escaped the alcohol addiction that seems to run in my family, I got hit with a food one and I really am an addict, only my drug of choice is cheese and good bread and chocolate etc etc.....I swear, I think that girl was a plant from Weight Watchers. Every time I am being "bad" I run into someone from my group like some strange secret message or something. Oh and lets not forget the emails and postcards from Weight Watchers saying "we miss you! please come back!" THEY JUST KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO!

And with that, I am off to dinner!

OOOOh La La!





Above are pictures of the lovely Caron boutique inside the Phyto Universe store on 58th Street and Lexington Avenue in Manhattan. I recently stopped in to buy some powder that I had run out of and I wanted to capture the frou frou feeling that I get when I'm perusing the perfumes and makeup. Every woman on earth should go here, you really need to in order to fully complete your badge of womanhood! Diane is the temptress who manages everything Caron and she is the most helpful person that I have ever encountered in all of my days of shopping. Those giant glass urns you see are all Baccarat and filled with the most exquisite perfumes you will ever sniff, and the powder puffs you see are covering the legendary Caron face powders that I am completely addicted to. Nothing else like them and I've tried them all. Stop by sometime and let me know how you like the place!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

First Snow!







Freak of Nature



OMG, there are just no words to describe how disturbing this is to me. Click here for the story. Can you imagine walking around on this thing? It would probably be pretty exciting in your barefeet, I would think. *coughs*.....I'd probably be asking for a lot of foot massages if I had one of these. Would it be flashing people if you forgot to put your socks on? This would be the woman of your dreams if you had a boob AND a foot fetish wouldn't it? If this was me, I would have had thing thing removed STAT. Ewww. Hmmm. ICK.

Me, Myself and Irene


Dateline: December 17 Th, 2009.
Time 2:30 AM.
Setting: My bed, snuggled in deeply in a coma-like state.

All of a sudden. I woke up. I wear earplugs. I know, its my quirk. I cannot fall asleep or maintain it if there is noise so I wear them to get a solid sleep but something jolted me into consciousness at this time. I popped out my earplugs and didn't hear anything so I began to go back to sleep and I became aware of a pounding noise. It was insistent and at regular intervals. Being in NYC, this didn't seem entirely strange to me. There is always someone up doing something no matter what time of day it is. If it was a weekend, that would be me. When I am not on a work schedule I am easily up till 4 AM. All of a sudden I heard a very faint, very weak and muffled : "help. someone help me." That was enough to make my hair stand on end. After a few minutes of this I realized that the cries were coming from above me and it all began to make sense. It was Irene, the elderly lady who lives on the second floor. She is extremely feeble and has been alone since her equally feeble husband ,Frank, had a stroke and is now in a nursing home. I realized that she must have been having a "help I've fallen and I can't get up moment".

The thing about Irene is, she refuses to accept help of any kind. Frank is the same way. They are old school NY'ers. Frank was a cabdriver, Irene was a waitress. Irene had flaming red hair and was a beauty. Frank was a gruff, no nonsense, Yankee loving guy. The kind of guy you would see in one of those old movies set in NYC. A real character. Really cranky, the word "curmudgeon" comes to mind. In all the years I've lived here, that man never once exchanged pleasantries with me. He would talk to my Ex about the Yankees in detail but me? No, he had no use for me. Irene once said to me "didn't you used to be really fat?" Yes Irene, I did. And now I'm not. But thanks for noticing.

Recently, I saw her and asked her how she was. She lamented being old and I told her to please let me know if she needed anything. I offered to shop for her, do her laundry, help her in anyway I could. She thanked me but I knew she would never contact me. As far as knocking on her door, she refuses to answer or let anyone in so that is not an option here. On this night though, she was asking for help from her locked apartment. Her voice was coming from the under the front window so I assumed she fell. I called 911. Within a few minutes the fire department was here, as were the police and the EMS guys. Over the next two hours they rang my bell intermittently to get in and out of the building. Eventually they got to her by using the fire escape and crawling through her window. Mind you, I was awake this whole time and tired beyond belief. I wasn't sure what happened but it got quiet and I got about 45 minutes of sleep before my alarm went off.

As I was leaving for work I heard a shrill voice calling out in the second floor hallway. It stopped at regular intervals and started up again. It went like this: "Duane...Duane...Duane...Duane...". Yes, it was Irene again calling out to the guy who lives across the hall from her. I heard someone come out and ask her what was wrong and I left. The next morning, it happened again.I could not stop thinking about this all day though. It made me so sad . I called my landlord and asked him is there was any family we could contact. He said no, she has none left. I thought about calling adult protective services but I'm going to talk to a social worker friend of mine first and determine what the best, least intrusive way to help her might be.

The scary thing is, I can totally see myself in her position in another 30 or 40 years and it freaks me the hell out. Working in home health care with elderly people, I see how people end up this way and it has been giving me nightmares lately after all this Irene drama. Ideally, I would love to die at a ripe old age while eating high quality dark chocolate and in the company of a 30 something gentleman who adores me and my wacky old lady ways. I'd like to be one of those old ladies who makes people say "wow, I hope I'm like her when I'm old". I expressed my fears to my ex and he said "there is no way you are going to end up like that". I questioned him "why?" And he responded 'because you are gonna die way before then". He was kidding but I was actually relieved to hear it.

Have you ever thought about how you'll be when you're old? I have and I think that as long as my mind doesn't betray me, I am going to be really eccentric and lively. Sort of like I am now but the elderly version. I'm actually looking forward to not caring about what others think at all. I'm 2/3 of the way there now, but I have a little further to go. In my 40's, I am sexier and more confident than I've ever been and I look better than I have ever looked in my entire life. One of the things I really enjoy is the ability to see sex and men as something enjoyable apart from all the emotional stuff that I used to get all wrapped up in. I'm really learning how to live fully in the moment. No, I am not a filthy whore, thankyouverymuch, but I now see people as experiences and I realize that not everyone is meant to be with me forever but with the forever ones, there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I feel lucky to have a few very close friends who I am sure will be with me till one of us dies. I wonder if Irene had that? I don't think she did from what I know. She and Frank were hermits for many years and never had children either.They totally closed themselves off from the world in a scary way. This is something I am determined not to do. Hopefully there will be someone there to answer my cries should I fall and not be able to get up someday. I would be more likely to be yelling out "Awww SHIT! I'm down people! Can someone help me get my sexy ass up?" In any event, this has really made me think about the kind of person I'm growing into and whether I will be someone that people will want to check in on or not.

That's all for now :)

The Look



The NYC transit system is a wonderful thing. sure, there are lots of bad things about it but generally speaking it amazes me that you can get from the outer reaches of one borough to another for only $2.25. Yesterday, I was on the train for a short trip and had a hair raising experience that left me a bit shaky.

I've been lucky over the years, I've only been a crime victim once when my apartment was broken into years ago. I've never felt threatened or at risk for harm even working in the projects on a daily basis, which is a pretty big deal for the many years that I've lived here in NYC. Yesterday was different.

I was coming home, the train wasn't too crowded but there were quite a few people out and about doing holiday things.I was sitting in my seat, minding my own business and there was a young Chinese man sitting across from me. He too was minding his own business. He was wearing earplugs and listening to music. At some point a small group of young people in their early 20's got on. They were African American. There was a young woman and two men. They sat at the other end of the train. After a couple of stops they looked at each other and got up and walked to the area where I was sitting. The seats around me were free. I had a shopping bag on the seat next to me. The young woman gave me a nasty look as if she was trying to intimidate me into moving my bag for her to sit down. There were about 6 seats that were vacant all around me so I did what I've done for years when people act stupid. I squinted my eyes, curled my lip a bit and turned my head away from her in a dismissive gesture.

I remember years ago when I first came to NYC and I worked with a bunch of women who had lived here their whole lives. At that point I was a total goober and I actually made eye contact with people. I am from upstate, people from upstate are friendly to strangers. I hadn't caught on in my short time here that making eye contact with people is something you never ever do here, generally speaking. My co-worker Margie showed me "the look". I remember her telling me, "you need to let people know that you will not be fucked with but you don't want to provoke them, you want to just look as mean as possible but not in an aggressive way. Sort of like you're smelling something really bad". So on that day about 23 years ago, I developed, "the look". I rarely use it, I rarely have to but yesterday was a situation that called for some serious vibe. When I use "the look" I never directly look at the person who is getting it, it's more of a general facial expression that lets people know that I am not a goober who just fell off the turnip truck yesterday and I have no patience for nonsense. Truthfully if someone really did mess with me I would want to run away like a scared little girl but letting troublemakers see fear only makes them happy that they chose an easy victim.

After getting "the look" from me, the young woman sat a seat away from me. The two men were on either side of me. Then, out of nowhere the woman took out a straw and in a completely shocking gesture she blew a spit ball directly at the Chinese mans face and it stuck to his cheek. She and her companions laughed hysterically. It was the most bizarre thing I've seen in ages. The Chinese man looked completely enraged. he flicked it off his cheek, pulled his earplugs out and said "what the fuck was that? you think that's funny? what the fuck is wrong with you?" He got up and I seriously thought he was going to pull out a knife or a gun and truthfully I would not have blamed him a single bit if he did. Fortunately he was getting off the train. It was my stop too as well as the people who were doing the harassing. We all got off and went our separate ways. I wondered a lot about that whole situation. Would they have done that if the Chinese man had been a 300 pound African American man? A Latino man covered in tattoos? What was going on in their lives that makes something like that amusing to them? Why did they not bother me? Was it my general vibe, look, being a woman? It also made me think about stories on the news daily about violence and murders and how it escalates from stupid situations like the one I witnessed and made me sad for those people behaving like animals. How does a person end up like that? Who raises people like this and how do they derive enjoyment from disrespecting strangers like that? Are their own lives that meaningless and do they really feel that hopeless that this behavior is normal to them?

In the end, I felt lucky that I wasn't targeted but also amazed at the workings of the minds of others. I truly wondered why people just can't be nicer to each other sand see that we all have the same On a humorous note, in the midst of all of this, a perfectly normal looking man took his shoe off and proceeded to sing a ballad into it with all his heart and soul. People just looked at him with stunned amusement. He really unintentionally broke the tension in the car. He appeared to be "normal" right up until the point where he sang into his shoe. It was quite the treat really. Just another day in NY :)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Playing Hooky and Wearing Gingerbread


As Christmas and New Years get shockingly closer, I'm becoming more introspective and reflective. This week, I woke up one morning and decided to play hooky from work. It was cold and gray out, not exactly the kind of day you want to be out walking around but I got the urge to just be "in the moment" and to do something that I normally wouldn't do and be someplace where I normally wouldn't be. So I got on the train and went to Brooklyn, Williamsburg to be precise. This is an old neighborhood that is now artsy and full of hipster types. If I'm crabby it can annoy me but I didn't feel crabby that day and I just wanted to be someplace other than where I normally am so I went for it.

As I came up out of the subway I felt the cold air chill me but I also felt a strange sensation inside, I felt glad to be alive. I can't describe to you how odd it felt. I'm normally on autopilot everyday, I rarely think about how I feel I am so busy. I felt almost outside of my body in a strange way, like my senses were heightened by not being on a schedule. It was good. I looked around and saw people going about their routines like I normally do and I felt lucky to have a routine even if I was trashing it for a day. I felt a slight sense of shame at the complaining I do about this and that and I realized how much I take everything for granted. Then I decided to go to my very favorite shop in that neighborhood, a perfume "gallery" called "CB I Hate Perfume".

I dearly love "CB I Hate Perfume" and I feel lucky to live so close to it. It's not just a store, it's a place where you can time travel. Every time I go to this place I have so many vivid memories of past experiences, people and places I've been. "CB" is Christopher Brosius. He is a perfumer and he creates scents from his life experiences among other things. Sort of the opposite of a "perfume". I like to call it wearable art. Mr Brosius has an innate talent for creating scents that smell pretty much spot on to what he claims them to be. He has simplistic "accords" for everyday things like "graham cracker" and "roast beef. Would I ever wear roast beef as a personal scent? No, but opening the small bottle and sniffing it takes me back to Sunday dinners that my mom used to lovingly prepare and sometimes that is all I really want to experience. 'Bazooka 1974", "Soaked Earth" , "Doll Head", "French Bread", "Baseball Glove", "Kir Royale", "Buttercrunch Lettuce", "Suntan Lotion 1967", and "First Snow" all smell exactly like their names and all conjure up different memories...or not, based on your own personal experiences. There are also more complex offerings, "perfumes" if you want to call them that. They too are pretty much true to their names, "In the Library", 'Smoky Tobacco", "November", "To See a Flower", "Gathering Apples", "Black March", In the Summer Kitchen"...these all smell pretty much like you would imagine them to smell. Some of his scents even make me miss places I've never been, they are that powerful and reactive for me.

On the cold, dreary day I was at the studio this week I decided to treat myself to something in the spirit of the upcoming holidays. I chose to adorn myself with "Gingerbread". One light spray and I was covered in a gentle veil of ginger, cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg. This scent doesn't smell like cake or food, it is a lovely blend of the elements of gingerbread and it is extremely wearable. It's a warm, inviting, soft blend of ginger , vanilla and spices. My mood was instantly lifted and I felt cozy, warm and happy. Scent instantly does this for me and Mr Brosius' creations seem to hit the mark every time.

I left the shop with my purchase and as I walked down the street in that bleak deserted industrial area near the water, the cold wind whipped through my hair and the smell of gingerbread wafted around me. It was only 3 pm but the sky was turning darker as it does at this time of year and daylight was beginning to fade quickly. I made it back to the main drag and found a little cafe where I sat down alone for some hot cocoa and a cookie. As I sat there observing others, a man walked up to my table and asked if he could join me. He told me I looked like an Angel which made me laugh pretty hard . Flaming red long curly hair and a cream colored sparkly sequined scarf must have made me look more innocent than I actually am, a mischievous Devil would have been closer to the truth. I welcomed him and we had a lovely chat about anything and everything. It was just the thing I needed at that moment and I felt like I was in the right place at the right time, exactly where I was supposed to be with who I was supposed to be with.

As I finished my drink, it was nearly dark and my new friend walked me to the train where we wished each other a happy holiday and a peaceful New Year. Within 30 minutes, I was back in my familiar surroundings and I felt as if I almost took a brief vacation. I highly recommend doing this if you feel stuck in a rut. Go someplace, do something outside your normal routine with an open heart and mind and see what it does for you.

And so that's it, nothing else to say. I hope you are enjoying the season and finding the warmth and fellowship that this time of year brings. :)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Amazon Oddities to the Rescue



























So today I was goofing off and I discovered Amazon Oddities. Did you know that there is actually an Amazon Oddities "community"? Well there is and I am now a member. Am I the last person on earth to hear about this? I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Reading this lifted my mood immensely and it also made me feel like I am not the only warped freak out there who thinks like this. I felt a bit more understood for my internal weirdness and quirky thoughts.

I particularly love the reviews for milk , and for this moving tome "What Are These Strawberries Doing On My Nipples? I Need Them For The Fruit Salad!".


This provided me with a couple of hours of non stop laughs. If you didn't already know about it I hope it does for you too!

That's all for now :)

The Magic Of Believing



Holidays are a special time, a time when memories are made. Sometimes those memories are good, and sometimes they are not so good but for me they are something I hold onto as I age as markers for who I was at a particular time and the people who have made my life what it is.

This morning, I woke up and felt very emotional for some reason. It is the fact that it is getting close to Christmas? I don't know but I am. I cried for no apparent reason, I just felt weepy so I did and now I feel better. I wanted to write about two experiences I've had with Christmas that made me really feel like life is such a complex mysterious thing that always has a way of surprising me when I least expect I no matter how jaded I think I am.

Thirteen years ago, the first Christmas after my Mother died I was alone. I was still pretty numb and really wasn't feeling much except pain and longing and the worst ache and loneliness you can possibly imagine. Nothing made sense, I was just so inconsolable there was no point in trying to feel better, I just needed to feel my feelings and process my grief. I really don't think a person can ever be ready to lose someone they love very deeply. Even if you know it's coming, it just never makes sense. My mom died on my shoulder while I was driving her to a Dr appointment. It was a complete shock to look over and see her lifeless. Heart attack. She wasn't feeling well, I was visiting her upstate. She told me she couldn't breathe and she slumped over on my shoulder and that was it. I drove her car down the middle of the road in between the oncoming and going traffic. I got her to the E.R. She was revived. I told her I loved her, that I was going to make her proud and to never scare me like that again. She told me she loved me too but she was too sick to really talk. She was transferred to a better hospital where at 9:10 pm, she died again. And that was that.

After that, I plunged into a haze of shock and grief. She was my world, my everything, We had a very tempestuous relationship, my mother and I, but we loved each other intensely. I have no living siblings and my Father died when I was 5 so her leaving me was really the ultimate nightmare for me. I had no one. Friends were too freaked out by this and didn't know what to say so they didn't say anything and avoided me. My then room mates kicked me out because one of them had a friend from Japan coming and she had no place to live. Somewhere in all of this the one person who actually was there for me, my best friend, died from prostate cancer and I only found out after I could not get in touch with him for a week. His daughter told me. He did not want me to know he was sick because he didn't think I could handle it so he hid his illness from me. Oh, I also lost my job. So I was friendless, jobless, poor ,had no place to live and was totally alone. You could say I hit rock bottom. There was pretty much no lower to go than I had traveled.

Fast forward through some very, very tough times but I eventually found a job, and met the best friend a girl could ever have. She is like my sister and I love her dearly. She loves me and accepts me unconditionally, like family would, or should. I found a job and I found a place to live from a landlord who knew my story and gave me cheap rent just because he felt sorry for me and knew what I had been though. In NYC, that is pretty much unheard of. Angels were on my side and I began to see that there was a force helping me, within me, beside me. I couldn't put a label on it but it was like a flame within me that kept me going even though I seriously wanted to die on a daily basis. I remembered when I was at the hospital when my mom was near death and I sat with a hospital Chaplain in the waiting room and I said "how am I going to get through this? how am I going to go on?" That man looked at me and said "this is where your faith comes in". I was so pissed! I screamed at him and I said "FAITH? FAITH? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AND HOW DO I GET SOME?". Now, I laugh at that and I wonder what that man must have thought of me. I was and still am not really a religious person. Even so, after all the things that happened I began to realize that no matter how bad things became, they always came back up from the depths. Faith, faith. Did I finally have it after all that? I think I was beginning to understand what it was and growing it .

For me, faith has been trusting in the fact that things will always be OK and not needing my mother to tell me so. Knowing that no matter what happens, I will make it, I will be OK. It may be a different OK than I imagined and the turbulently oceanic waves of life may keep pounding at the shore that is me, but the shore will still be there, strong and beautiful in a different way than it was before those waves altered what it was before the storms.

The week before my Mother died we were sitting on her back porch and I looked at her. She was stunning and I told her so. Her skin and eyes were glowing. She blushed when I told her how beautiful she was. We sat there together as the sun set and held hands and talked about life. Looking back, maybe we both inherently knew that we were going to be saying goodbye for a while very soon. I don't know but we seemed to have really come to an understanding of each other and all our bad stuff was behind us, we were truly best friends. I looked at her and I asked her a strange question. I said "if you could come back and give me advice after you died, what would you tell me?" She thought for a minute and she said "I would tell you to never make anybody so indispensable to you that you think you can't live without them because you can and you will. Also, lots of people love you but you have to LET them. If you let people love you, you will never ever be alone. " She knew me so well, years later I still think of those words and they haunt me. Letting people in, letting them love me is the hardest thing for me but I've managed to surround myself with a few amazing people who have stood by me through thick and thin and it was a very hard thing for me to do. The reward for doing it though has been immeasurable and I continue to try to keep an open heart to the people I meet as best I can.

The Christmas experiences I want to tell you about are extremely special to me and make me smile with inner peace and joy when I think of them. The first year after my mom died, I was in my new apartment, alone and feeling depressed beyond belief. I fell asleep and I seemed to be in this half asleep//half awake state. I felt like I was walking through snow at dusk toward the house where I grew up. It was cold and getting dark and I looked up from where I was and I could see the kitchen light on in the window of the house and I instinctively knew that my Mother was in that kitchen. The strange thing was, I was aware of the fact that she was dead. I was thinking to myself, "what is going on?" , but I was intrigued and kept walking. I got up to the house and I went inside. I smelled something good and I took my boots off and opened the door and there she was, my mother, in her favorite taupe turtleneck sweater with polka dots, taupe pants, glasses, just smiling and looking at me. I said "what are you doing here? you're dead!" She smiled back at me and she said "I know but I had to come back to see you because I know this is your first Christmas without me and I've seen how sad you are. I wanted you to know that I am still with you, you just can't see me anymore but I'm right here!". I ran up to her and I sat in the kitchen chair in front of her and she put her arms around me and pulled my head into her stomach. I could feel her. I could smell her. It was real. I cried and she wiped my tears away. She was holding her recipe box and I said "why are you doing that?". She said 'I'm trying to decide what to make for Christmas". I said again, "but you're dead!" She said "We'll it's hard for me to let go too you know!" Then we just hugged, and she felt warm and soft and I could feel her breathing in my arms. I felt her hands gently cradling my head. Then all of a sudden she pulled back a little and she said she had to go. I begged her to stay and she said she couldn't, that she was only here to tell me that she was still with me and still loved me and that everything was going to be OK. I asked her if she could see me everyday and she said yes but she couldn't watch when I was crying because it made her feel bad and it was too painful for her to see but she was definitely still there. I began to cry and I begged her not to go but she seemed to fade away and I woke up. I could still smell her. It was so real. Did my grief manufacture the experience? Cynical, scientific types will say yes, that I was in so much pain I imagined it but I don't believe this. It has happened since then as well. When I went back to school, when I got engaged. She always comes back to have a chat with me at these times and we both realize that it is a gift because she has passed on to another existence and she is only visiting me.

The second experience still takes my breath away when I think of it. It happened Christmas day, 5 years ago. It started that morning, I was laying in bed with my boyfriend, we had just woken up. I was in a funk and missing my mom, holiday blues. I was grateful for having him and for having his family accept me and love me but nothing takes the place of your true blood family and I felt that familiar ache for that bond that I now do not have. He looked over and me and hugged me. The thing about him was that he always knew what I was thinking at these moments and he never ever made me feel like it was something I should be "over". He knew how hard it has been for me and he accepted that part of me that no one else ever really has and probably never will. I never felt like a freak with abnormal attachment to my mother, I felt like a girl who missed a person she loved very dearly. It is such a big part of me that I think it is part of what keeps me from trusting people and letting them in, at this point, I don't even bother telling anyone about my past experiences because its almost too sacred and hard to talk about and I don't seem to be able to trust in that they will get it and understand me and my pain from my losses. On that day, he said to me "you miss your mom don't you?". I said yes and he held me and said he knew and that he loved me and we were going to have a nice day together. It was at that moment that I said exactly these words, "I would give anything just to see my parents faces again, to feel them hug me and to hear them wish me a Merry Christmas". And with that, we got up, got dressed and went off to his mothers house to spend the day with his family.

An important detail I must share with you is the connection between our families. His great Aunt married my Uncle many many years ago. They are both deceased but our families knew each other for many years, since the 1940's. Flash forward to now. His Uncle is a big home movie buff. Remember the reel to reel projectors? He had one of those and filmed every holiday gathering for years. We are both Italian, these gatherings were huge and there were always so many people you lost track of who was who after a while. Uncle Danny eventually decided to take all these home movies and put them on a tape for viewing on a modern VCR/DVD player. The tape was completely unorganized. It was eight hours long and no one has every watched it. My boyfriends mother had it and on that Christmas day that he and I were there, and she popped it in and we had it on in the background as we ate and talked. We weren't even really watching it and we didn't even know half the people on it. All of a sudden, his Mother called out to me "OMG! Look! Isn't that your Mother?" I looked up and sure enough it was! And not only that, my Father was sitting right next to her and they were holding a baby on their laps and that baby was ME! They both looked directly into the camera and waved and smiled and said "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Everyone in the room that day was stunned. People cried. No one could believe it. It was as if someone heard my words earlier that morning wishing for my parents to hold me and wish me a Merry Christmas and they granted me that wish. We rewound the tape and watched it again. I was so full of love and had such a feeling of support and acceptance at that time, I will never forget it. It was as if I got a confirmation that I am loved and protected and I still remember that feeling now when I feel forgotten and alone.

So today I am sitting here in my bed typing this and I am smiling because I feel that faith that I didn't seem to have before is right here with me today. Life may be uncertain and scary at times but there is one thing that will always be with me no matter what and that is love. For me, love is timeless, ageless and knows no dimensions. It will find you and stay with with you through the best and the worst and the magic of it is in believing in it and in trusting that it is still there even when life makes you question it. It is what makes being human such a wonderful and unique thing.

Happy Holidays to everyone and I hope you enjoy the season with those who you hold dear! xoxo

PS: the title of this thread was taken from a fabulous book called "The Magic Of Believing", by Claude M. Bristol, that was recommended to me by my best friend before he died. I read it cover to cover a few times and it really made such an impression on me that I wanted to share it with you. It was originally written a very long time ago, I believe in the 1940's long before the self help movement. It was then seen as good common sense and the message it shared has stood the test of time all these years later. It really helped me get through a time in my life when positive thinking was the antidote to my woes. I highly recommend it!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

She's Bringin' Sexy Back...


Heavens to Mergatroid! As a chubby gal myself, I am not one to fat bash but this is just unbelievable! This ain't a muffin top, it's a popover. It's the whole bakery! How does a person zip pants like this up? Skinny jeans, you doing it wrong girl! They have to be bungee closed. I want to see a front view please. I'm shocked that the button hasn't popped off and hit someone, maybe it has? How the hell does a person sit down in pants like this? It boggles the mind. Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart.com, my favorite go to site for a smile these days.

Featured Beverage Review: Drank, the "Extreme Relaxation Beverage".



















Drank. Have you heard of it? A friend of mine casually said to me yesterday, "whoa, I drank a Drank and it totally knocked me on my ass". "What kind of drink?", said I. "A DRANK!", said he. I was then initiated into the world of Drank, the "extreme relaxation beverage."

From a marketing standpoint, it makes total sense. It's almost genius really. Red bull et al has been popular for years. It seems totally feasible that someone would come up with and sell something that relaxes you instead of hopping you up. This is where "Drank" comes in. I actually thought it was a joke at first and could not stop laughing. Drank? I kept saying it over and over and cracking up. The tag line on the can is "slow your roll". Everyone who knows me knows that my personal tag line when asked about my behavior or preferences is always "hey, that's how I roll". It's just something that I've said for years. To see a can of soda with the phrase "slow your roll' on it well, it was destiny for me to try it. Off I went to my local 7/11 and got a can. It was pretty $$$. $2.99 for a 16 ounce can. I was dying of curiosity so I plunked down the $ for it and off I went.

I must say here that the whole concept of this was inspired by a "drank" popular in hip hop circles. That would be a mixture of narcotic cough syrup promethezine codeine and soda. It looks purple and tastes sort of like a fruity grape soda. That concoction has killed a few people. This one is harmless and has a lot of sugar mixed with things like valerian root, melatonin and rose hips. Some of those things are supposed to induce sleep but the amount of sugar in this concoction seems like it would render any calming properties moot.

On the can it says "we have combined Rose hips, Melatonin and Valerian Root with a great tasting beverage to create the industries first "Relaxed Lifestyle Beverage". These ingredients have the ability to relax your body, mind and soul, so when life comes at you fast just remember to "slow your roll" with DRANK.

So last night, I finished my paperwork and and decided to get my Drank on whilst watching the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting on T.V. That was around 8:30 pm. By 9 pm I felt tired. I'm not sure if it was because of the Drank or my arduously long day. I was tired though. I also had issues finishing sentences ,but I think it was a placebo effect and possible "senior moments" I've been experiencing lately. The sugar in this stuff had to make any relaxing properties negligible.I can't be sure but I think it did. The thing that would deter me from drinking (or dranking) this again is that it has 220 calories per can! I am obsessed with my weight and never ever drink (or drank) my calories, I prefer to eat them. This stuff is loaded with sugar but it actually tastes pretty good. Sort of like a light grape flavored Mountain Dew. Way too sweet for me but not bad or medicinal tasting like some energy drinks are. I must say though that I had the best nights sleep I've had in a very long time. I slept from 11 pm till 7 am without any interruptions at all. This never happens, I always wake up throughout the night. Was it the Drank? I'm not sure. For now, I am going to continue to "slow my roll" calorie free with my Rite Aid generic "sleep aid" from the drugstore. That stuff completely renders me unconscious for about 10 hours. The bad part about it is the terrible hangover feeling I have in the morning and it is very difficult to get up after taking it. However, as a person who has insomnia at times when I really need to be sleeping, I need something like this to do the trick on occasion.

Thanks Drank, it was nice tryin' ya, you really did seem to slow my roll a bit. :)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

PS......I forgot

Someone sent me this link and I am still feeling uncomfortable after looking at this stuff but boy is it interesting! Take a PEEK! Can you believe that? I think the last gynecologist I went to still uses some of that stuff. YIKES.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Things have been crazy recently, hence my lack of posts over the last two weeks! With Thanksgiving coming in two days I've been really thinking about a lot of things and this post is sort of me thinking out loud. If my quasi introspective ramblings annoy you this may be one to skip :)

This time of year is hard for me, there is no denying it. When I was happily betrothed to my ex, it became easier. I felt like I had "come home" again and had somewhere I belonged. Now, even though we are in each others lives, it's different. Did you ever just feel like crying but you couldn't really identify why? you just felt like you need to do it to sort of "purge" yourself of sadness, wistfulness or some sort of unidentifiable longing? Almost as if you miss a place you've never been to? This is how I felt last week. I had a very cathartic cry, one of those cries that knocks you out and makes you want to just sleep and sleep. So I did and I felt better. I realized that even though my life isn't what I thought it might or could be it's still something I should be proud of. And I remembered hearing a lovely thought from one of my favorite actors, Michael J Fox as he was recently promoting his book "Always Looking up: The Adventures Of An Incurable Optimist". He said " “Happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance and inverse proportion to your expectations. This is what I have today . . . I don’t have a choice about this, but I have a million other choices. And if I choose well, I’m going to be a happy person.”

In case you've been living under a rock, Mr Fox has had an insidious, incurable disease (Parkinson's), for many years. Technically, it has robbed him of many things he may have done but his attitude has allowed him to see the ways it has actually enriched his life, not ruined it. He was able to abandon his expectations of what he thought his life was going to be and by doing that, he freed himself up to really live in the moment and have some rich and rewarding experiences that he never imagined he would. His relationships have been much deeper and more meaningful than they would have been had he not had the challenge he has weathered.This is an attitude that I aspire to carry. It is difficult for me, I sometimes catch myself indulging in a bit of self pity now and then. I do not easily find many positive things about being "alone" and not having family. Both my parents and my sister are deceased. Aunts and uncles and my best friend too. I have never met anyone in my circle who truly gets this or has also experienced it and it infuriates me when people say they "know" how I feel. It's insulting and it invalidates my experience. Sometimes I just want to be alone and feel my feelings and come out again to play when it has washed over me. I don't feel sorry for myself but I need to respect my experiences and I am the type to think a lot about the whys and hows of life and try to connect the dots in the best way I can . After all, you don't have to obsess on the past but if you can't learn from it then what was the point?

Those who really love me and know of my fussbudgety nature pass the test. Anyone who tries to force their way in or pushes me to be social or talk before I am ready to repels me. Crazy eh? I feel blessed to have people in my life who know how to deal with me and accept me with all my quirks and when I really think about it none of the people close to me "have" to be close to me, they don't owe me anything or have any obligation to me and that makes it even more precious to me. Now that I think about it, it was pretty special that my ex was the type of guy who could deal with me saying 'leave me alone for a bit, I'll call you when I want to deal again". He was secure enough and wise enough to know that smothering me was certain death to us.

I met a person last summer who really made me reflect a lot on how I treat others. This person made a big deal out of the concept of "kindness". In the end, I had one of the most unpleasant experiences ever with this person and ironically, kindness was the complete antithesis of the way this person behaved. Strangely, he used religion as some sort of "costume" or "mask" that he donned when in fact, he was nothing more than a confused hypocrite who practiced this religion at the temple of self absorption. He was dangerous, he behaved in a manner that was completely irresponsible, selfish and hurtful but he was so self centered that he was completely unable to see this. In him, I saw something very sad and I was even able to pray for him. I saw a person who seemed to know that there is a way to behave and treat others but when it came to putting all these theories into practice he seemed lost and was unable to transfer the ideas and theories he had learned to actual behaviors. I was thankfully able to come to a place where I was actually grateful for that unpleasant experience. It taught me a lot about myself as well as others and it made me re-examine my own behaviors and really rededicate myself to being the best person I can be.

After a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that most people are born with the 'core" of who they are from the beginning and no matter what books you read or church you go to you either know how to treat your fellow travelers in your journey while you're here...or you don't. Oh sure, you can learn things as you make your way through life and mature and grow as you use your life experiences but some of us seem to be able to utilize our experiences in a more practical way than others.

I have always asked myself these questions when I meet people and lately I am really trying to be brutally honest with myself in my replies.

1.) Are you listening or are you thinking about what you are going to say when this person is done talking? Stop and listen and shut your own thoughts off for a moment.

2.)How would you want this person to speak to you? Really think about that before you open your mouth and give them proper respect no matter how disrespectful they are to you. Respect encourages respect.

3.)What if this person was your own mother or someone else you love and cherish dearly? How would you treat them then? Stop and think about this before you act and slow yourself down.

4.) Are you bringing comfort and acceptance to this persons life? Are you putting good, positive energy out there? Are you making the most of this interaction or are you blowing it off and thinking of yourself and ignoring a person who needs your ear or genuine smile? You really do get back what you put out. You should never behave a certain way because of that agenda but if you are negative, hurried or hurtful it will come back to visit you at some point for sure.


5.) Will you be able to look back at your actions in retrospect and be unashamed and proud of how you've acted? Everyone has moments of douchebaggery but if they are just moments and not a way of life then I think you're doing pretty well!


I am grateful that I have been able to slow myself down and really treat others in a respectful way and I hope that I can do it more often than not in the coming year. My wish for you is that you can be the best "you" this coming year with very few regrets as well!

BONUS.....if you made it this far, you are rewarded with a KICKASS tunaburger recipe! No it is NOT gross so you shut your mouth there, I heard you! I know, you must be asking "Fuss, how much fun can a person take? Please stop, I'm about to die from the excitement of it all!" Well, this recipe is so damned good I wanted to share it. I got it from allrecipes.com. I like that they have reviews of recipes so I can save myself from making a bad one if people warn you in the reviews. I like to to eat these on one of those Arnold sandwich thins or a pepperidge farm deli flat with slices of avocado, red onion and sprouts. I oven bake 'fries" and have a nice spinach salad alongside. Yes, the fun never ends here! And these suckers do NOT taste even the slightest bit fishy, really. I normally hate tuna! I use low sodium Teriyaki too and only about half what the recipe calls for. ENJOY!!!!

Mack's Tunaburgers

Ingredients
1 (6 ounce) can water-packed tuna, drained
1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 egg white
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
Directions
Combine the tuna, teriyaki sauce, bread crumbs, and egg whites in a bowl until well combined, and no large pieces of tuna remain. Season with black pepper, garlic, and hot sauce. Mix well, then form into two patties.
Heat vegetable oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Cook the patties until brown on both sides, about 2 minutes per side.
Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 265 Total Fat: 4.4g Cholesterol: 25mg
Nutritional Information
Mack's Tunaburgers
Servings Per Recipe: 2
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 265
Total Fat: 4.4g
Cholesterol: 25mg
Sodium: 1663mg
Total Carbs: 25.5g
Dietary Fiber: 1.3g
Protein: 29g
VIEW DETAILED NUTRITION
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Laugh of the day


Someone posted this story on another website I frequent and i just had to share it with you. I am still laughing just thinking of it. It came from a website with stories like it called "MyLifeIsAverage.com". I checked it out and it's hit or miss but when it hits it is quite hilarious.


And I quote:... "today, I went to the store to buy several things. At the checkout my box of Tampons did not have a price sticker on it. The checker got on the intercom and boomed "PRICE CHECK ON AISLE 7 TAMPAX! The employee checking the price misheard and mistook the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks" He came back over the intercom with "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" I laughed for 10 minutes. MLIA :(

That's all for now :)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Dude looks like a lady :(


For many years I have had this way of describing a certain kind of man when discussing men with my friends. I'm not proud of it but there are times when it is the only way to describe this type of man and everyone knows what I mean when I say it.

Conan O'Brien is one of these men. So is Barry Manilow. Politically incorrect as it is, I have to say it. Don't these men look like older, unattractive lesbians? Yes, you heard me, older lesbians. Are you getting what I'm saying? I'm telling you this because much to my shock, someone else out there feels the same way and wrote a hilarious piece that I myself could have written (not that I am lauding myself as hilarious but I just have had nearly identical thoughts and conversations about these thoughts with those who know me). Click here to read this piece. I am still on the floor laughing over this one. No offense to older, unattractive lesbians or the men who look like them is intended. Even better is this entire blog devoted to this topic. Click here to see this wonderment. I am completely sad about not actually coming up with this first. It's genius and I have a ton of men to add to this list.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, have some water...


Hey everyone, I don't know about you but for me nothing says Happy Thanksgiving more than a blow-up pilgrim doll couple standing in front of a few cases of Dasani water. They were hanging out at the Entenmans outlet store in the neighborhood. After seeing this today I really felt like fall was finally here. Can the blow up Santas and Frosties be far off? I think not.

That's all for now! :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

My Boyfriends Back And There's Gonna Be Trouble....


And this......is from a non-Republican. Love knows no party.

xoxoxoxxo

Monday, November 2, 2009

Resistance is Futile


Thanks a lot Rite Aid, you are a filthy whore and I cannot resist you.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Taylor Made?



OK, please don't hate me, but doesn't this bunny sort of resemble country queen Taylor Swift? It really does to me. Maybe it's just me. Yeah, It's me.

Happy Sunday, Happy Fall :)



This last week was kinda rough, it just was. So I am going to do a self-indulgent exercise here to re frame my thoughts and get ready for a new week! I am going to free form with you about the good things or "bright" spots lately. (the pic is super tiny I know, I couldn't get a big one for you, it's mentioned below)

1.) Cooler weather. The changing leaves, the feeling of the end of a challenging year and the beginning of something new. I pray daily that I will find my way and make the most of my purpose here. This is something I really struggle with and I really hope that I'm doing the right things with my life and I will be at peace with how I've lived it when I'm finished. I've kind of been really down lately and wondering what all of this is for and feeling like my life is pointless and doesn't matter. I sense this may be seasonal, missing people who are no longer with me and feeling lonely for those people with a terrible, undefinable ache. Maybe it's related to being sick lately and wishing they were here to lean on when in reality I do have loving friends but it's not the same. I don't lean, I'm afraid to lean, I take it all on myself and ....ACK . I am in a TMI state right now and am promptly cutting that mess off. My point is, I am happy to have things shifting and changing and I am looking forward to what is to come even though it is bittersweet. Oh, bonus points in that is I am having the best hair weather of my life. The humidity levels are optimum for me looking the most goddess-like that I have in years. This is good. Just so you don't get the idea that I am too deep and spiritual, I had to remind you that after all, I am just a girl trying to look at cute as possible.

2.) Starting up with tea drinking again. I am not a hot beverage drinker but as I told you, my constant struggle not to eat crap at night has been greatly reduced by drinking fancy teas. Really, if this is an issue for you, try this! I was lucky enough to make it to a teavana yesterday and a wonderful gentleman kindly treated me to a few small bags to try. The coconut ginger tea is my new favorite. It is so interesting and satisfying. There is also a new one called Treviso tiramisu. YUMMO! This is an excellent dessert one. It replaced my munching on sweets last night. I highly recommend trying this if you are a struggling former or current fatty with a few to lose like me. not that you want to envision this but I already feel less bloated! WOOT!

3.)My crush on Mike Bloomberg. Yeah, I know. I'm a sad old woman who probably has 20 cats and knits cozies for the back of my toilet. No, not really. I love HIM, I really do. Daydreaming about him reminds me of when I was 13 and had the hots for Scott Baio or Leif Garrett. *twirls hair and doodles "Mrs. Mike Bloomberg", ahhhhh*

4.)Finally getting to wear boots I spent and OBSCENE amount on. Hear me now John Fluevog, you are ordered to cease and desist the making of your beautiful comfortable extremely costly shoes and boots. I simply cannot afford them and I'm being driven to mentally percolate horrible scenarios as to how I can score more of them in unsavory ways. I feel almost as much passion for these shoes as I do for my beloved Mike. I think if I was ever in a situation where I was wearing my Fluevogs AND standing next to Mike I would probably just spontaneously combust, for life would be just too good. Yes, if I could choose my death it would be to die while out at dinner or even on vacation with Mike and wearing my Fluevogs. Now that's the stuff dreams are made of kiddos.

5.)Pumpkin everything. Being a miserable beeatch who is always conscious of everything I eat I am extremely tempted to go nuts with pumpkin baked goods right now. I love this time of year and all the spices that are in cakes and cookies. I restrain myself daily from Starbucks pumpkin scones but it ain't easy. It's killing me. I had one and I stopped the habit immediately. I also am dying to make my mom's pumpkin bread and pumpkin cookies. But I will not. I am putting up the good fight because I know I am a hopeless beast with no self control and I will eat till it's all gone and then torture everyone I know with the dreaded 'does this make me look fat" question when I know that yes, it does because, yes, you are fat you cake eating hog you.

Just for fun, here is my favorite Carrot Cookie which I turned into a pumpkin cookie by substituting pumpkin for the mashed carrots. This recipe came from a beloved old farm in upstate N.Y called Westheimers Carrot Barn. It was sold and is not the carrot barn anymore but for years my dear mother and I used to go there and enjoy all the fresh vegetables and the little bakery where local ladies made some of the most delicious cakes, cookies, pies and salads and dishes with the vegetables grown there that you've ever tasted. They used to put out a small booklet of those recipes and I lost it. I got ballsy and googled the phone number of the Westheimers and called them. They were shocked that someone was calling them for a cookie recipe. But hey, that's how I roll. I loved these cookies and nothing would stop me from getting the recipe again as long as it is out there! Oh and by the way, Mr Westheimer is the brother of Dr Ruth Westheimer that eccentric little sex therapist who used to be on TV a lot in the 80's. so maybe I should call these "Sexy Carrot Cookies'?...or maybe not.

Millie's Carrot Cookies (or pumpkin if you like)

I cup carrots cooked and mashed (this is a one pound bag before cooking)
1 cup shortening (I always use butter)
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup chopped nuts (I leave out)
1/2 cup raisins

sift together
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt

Cream together butter, sugar, egg and vanilla. Add mashed carrots (or pumpkin, if you do use pumpkin get the plain stuff without sugar or spices, NOT the pie ready stuff)
Now, add the dry ingredients. fold in the nuts and raisins. I sometimes do not use raisins and nuts, I like to add a cup of chocolate chips.. Bake on a greased cookie sheet (I use parchment) for 10 minutes. Delish plain or iced with a confectioners sugar glaze or a browned butter glaze! They are also heavenly with a cream cheese icing sprinkled with coconut. Damn you, now I want to make them!

6.) OK., I will admit this to you with reservations, and only you because quite frankly I'm a bit ashamed of myself. I wandered over to overstock.com and spotted quite the stunning winter coat. Now to be honest,I have many winter coats, but they all seem to be down and for comfort. I don't have anything "dressy" to speak of. This is probably because I am always freezing and I refuse to wear something to look hot in if it makes me really uncomfortable. This one just called out to me though. It's a black wool military styled coat, very long ankle length. quite dramatic looking. The quality appeared to be pretty nice too. I immediately began to envision myself in this with my Victorian lace up boots and my long red curly hair and I thought wow, this look could really work for me! Lets get some naughty librarian/victorian lady "age of innocence" smouldering sexiness going on here! At that moment I read the details and people, I was shocked to see that this coat sprouted from the fashion stylings of none other than her highness JLo. Yes, Jennifer Lopez. I felt shame and questioned my fashion sense, but there was no denying this was a lovely coat and it was really cheap at that overstock price so I went for it. It is set to arrive this week. We shall see how great it is in person. I will report back. This does remind me of the time I fell in love with a lip gloss from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's makeup line at walmart. Oh the shame if it!


7.)Today is THE DAY AFTER. I am off right now to search for some half price Halloween candy. It's my annual tradition every year. I call it "the running of the jiggly thighs". Sort of my tribute to all those brave souls in Spain who chase after bulls, you know?



OK.....that's it for now. sorry if this was a crushing disappointment for you but hey, at least you got a fabulous cookie recipe out of me. That alone was worth the 2 minutes it took you to read today, wasn't it?