Simpler Times

Lately, I've been doing some thinking with all the speculation of what we are going through economically in this country and why this has happened. I am not a political person and I don't really get into the machinations of wall street either but it makes me think of the time some people seem to be comparing it to, the Great Depression. (To get you in the mood for reading the rest of this here is a link to some appropriate music for you). I went snooping through a big old box of things my Mom had saved from her mothers time and I found a letter to my Grandmother who was 23 or 24 years old at the time from her friend, Alta. Both young women were teachers who were looking for schools to teach in. At that time in the rural area where they both lived, schools were one room operations. The teacher was responsible for teaching all the children in the immediate area from all grades. My own mother actually went to a school like that for her lower grades in the 1920's. She was born in 1924. She had me later in life and I always felt blessed to have a mother with such an interesting life and such a connection to the past that my friends mothers didn't seem to have. Anyway, the letter I found is such a touching peek into the past I have to share it with you. Can you imagine having to wait to get a letter from someone to talk because you didn't have a phone? To them it was normal. To us it would be nearly unbearable. Immediate gratification is the name of the game for us now. Just reading how people spoke at the time is an eye opener. It was so genteel (do we even have an occasion to use that word anymore?) and ladylike. Rural women of this generation would have never talked about their sex lives or cursed. They never would have thought of wearing pants or buying their biscuits at the store. Of course there is good and bad in all of that, they didn't have the rights we do now or the conveniences but they seemed to have an inner contentment and simplicity that we struggle to achieve now and never truly seem to reach. It comes across in this letter as follows, typed exactly as it was written (oh and the postage was 2 cents!):



Rock City Falls, N.Y
April 8, 1923

My Dear Lalah,
We had neither Sunday School or Church Service to-day as the minister is attending the annual conference. So I am endeavoring to dispose of some of mother's tablet. I discovered that my box of writing material had run ashore.
I am anxious to know what you did about the school that was offered you. I like my school better all the time. I expect three new pupils to-morrow morning, Platt Smiths children. I have nine weeks more.
We have fifty of our maples trees tapped. Yesterday was the busiest day the folks have had. I took a big milk pail and started out to gather some. But I had a pail full before I had emptied out the second bucket.
Four of the bosses of the Adirondack Light and Power Line are boarding here.They have been here three weeks, expect to remain about three months. So you can judge from this that mother is feeling better.
You had better be careful what you say about my not wishing to come and see you or you may find my hanging around more than you desire this summer.
Automobiles are quite plentiful through here again.It certainly seemed good to see them on the move once more.
I don't know whether the "Hooker Minister" will be sent back here again or not. I rather hope not. His baby yelled at the top of her voice through the greater part of the service last Sunday. Finally Mrs. Crewe carried her into the S.S. room. It was just before he announced the last hymn and I guess someone must have smiled as she passed out for he jumped to his feet and exploded "She's my baby! She cries like all babies and I don't know that you have any reason to laugh at her!" Everyone slipped down in their seats six inches they were so astonished. It was a grand Easter service. I don't believe he knows the story of the Resurrection yet.
Must help mother with the supper.

Lovingly, Alta


OK, after thinking about all of this my thoughts are as follows....maybe people need to just stop the insanity and live simpler lives. The more we have the more unhappy we become. I'm not talking about giving up our phones and our computers and T.V's but do we really need everything ever created in our closets and home entertainment systems?

My own mother had very little as a child. She was born about a year and 1/2 after that letter was written. When she talked of those times it was never about not having things, it was about her mother and father and what wonderful people they were. It was about going for picnics, ice skating,going on walks, taking care of the animals they had. It wasn't all fabulous, times were tough but the values they had then were different. At the time that letter was written it was the 20's. There was change occurring then just as their always has been in every decade. I'm sure some people at that time may have wondered what was coming with women cutting their hair short and showing their legs. At that time it was probably a big deal to them. Things became pretty crazy leading up to the 30's and the depression. Then WWII. People really went through some heavy stuff back then. It shaped who they became. My own Mother was the thriftiest person I've ever known. She never wasted anything because she always had that "do not waste" mentality.

I have to admit, I myself became a shopping maniac as a younger woman and even till recently but lately that has changed. now when I go to a store I go to buy something I need and that is that. No more shopping just to shop. It does nothing for me anymore. I realized that I did that because it was a temporary distraction to whatever was going on in my life. No more. What's the point? It doesn't help in the long run and it's boring after a while. Have I completely stopped buying anything extra and not needed? No not completely as evidenced by my previous perfume review, but the difference between what I buy and the amount I buy now ,and what I bought in the past is pretty significant. Now,I watch and listen to people who must have the latest this and that, who buy everything that's not nailed down and it explains a lot of how we got into this mess we're in.

The thing about the way people lived back then is that they seemed to have more satisfying connections to each other. I don't mean to idealize things ,but now we do not seem to do the things people did back then socially. All the pictures I came across in my Mom's collection were of get togethers, people enjoying the social interaction of being together. I think this is something that is really lacking in a lot of people's lives now. Of course it's a different world now but I think we could take something from the way people connected back then.

Maybe some of what's happening is a kick in the pants from the universe. Sort of pushing things back in a different direction from where we had been heading before all of this happened. Of course I am not wishing hardship on anyone and I hope I don't sound like I am. Maybe we just need to stop and think about why we are buying that bag of makeup, new necklace, bottle of perfume etc. on a deeper level and what we hope to gain from owning it. All I am thinking here is that maybe we all need to slow down and really look at what is truly important in our lives.

That's all for now! :)

Separated at Birth?

I realize this is completely random and that it is probably a scary sign that I am getting really old, but am I the only person who sees an eerie similarity between Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts and Actor Thomas Mitchell? I mean the resemblance is REALLY uncanny in my opinion. Thomas Mitchell was the actor who played Uncle Billy Bailey in the classic feelgood Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life". Remember him? He was the dotty uncle who left all the deposit money for Bailey building and loan on the bank counter which mean old Mr Potter stole and used to try and ruin George Bailey, who was played by the wonderful Jimmy Stewart. I swear, these two ARE the same person!

The Me Show

Look at the lovely lady to the right. Ms.Rita Hayworth. They don't make them like that anymore, or do they? I always thought of her as a classic diva. After listening to bad news every day lately regarding the sorry state of affairs in this country I have to say that reading the Dirty Papers this week was sorely needed. Taking in total nonsense about celebrity habits and scandal took the focus off of my constant worrying and fretting about the state of my own life as well. This week, I am not going to give a review of the top stories but I wanted to mention one in particular that made me simultaneously disgusted and jealous as hell. The story I am speaking of is one that details the demands of performers when they are making an appearance. I am disgusted with this because these people are being paid outrageously to begin with. I am jealous because, well, I want to demand my favorite bacon, fancy pastries, Trader Joe's Jo Jo cookies and dark chocolate with roasted almonds, Slatkin candles, classic jazz CD's, an on call masseuse, makeup artist and personal chef at my disposal at all times. I cannot even begin to imagine what this kind of life would be like, but I damned well deserve it after everything I do all week at work and after my life experiences in general. I remember many years ago hearing that Van Halen always asked for M&M's with a certain color picked out of the bag. Now that is just plain controlling and ridiculous yet I long to be able to ask for something this random and actually be able to get it. .



The first performer discussed is Celine Dion. She appears to have a 67 page contract that demands Bavarian figs, French cherries, 20 to 24 members of the best local children's choir, and at least 11 onstage bodyguards, 8 of whom must be on chairs that can swivel 30 degrees. She also travels with a personal dentist and has an on call throat specialist. I want to know why 30 degrees is specified here? What does this mean? What would happen if it was 35 degrees and what is so great about Bavarian figs? I am officially vowing to experience Bavarian figs before I die. Can someone trell me what the deal is with them? They are now added to my list.



Christina Aguilera requests a police escort to her performances. She specifies that "under no circumstances are the vehicles to be allowed to encounter any delays due to traffic". Now this is something I would really do if I was completely self centered and filthy rich. I would use it to go to the grocery store, to Marshall's, just everywhere. I would even use it to get to my mailbox, yes I would. And yes, I would still go to those places if I was loaded. She also demands 10 bottles of room temperature water as long as it's not Evian brand. I agree with her on that. I recently had Evian and it was really horrible tasting. It's funny that it started the bottled water craze because it really is the worst out there. She also asks for "real" plates and utensils, nothing plastic, organic only fruit and veggie platters, carnation instant breakfast original malt flavor and Flintstones vitamins. What's with the Flintstones x-tina? And the carnation mix doesn't seem to go with organic veggies. I guess this is just a case of "What a Girl Wants". (You had to know that was coming didn't you?)


Beyonce requests chicken smothered in fresh garlic, season salt, black pepper and cayenne pepper heavily seasoned. Does this make anyone else really hungry just thinking about it? She also wants her room to be maintained at 78 degrees and a private bathroom cleaned with disinfectant. Shouldn't every bathroom be cleaned like this anyway? I really want some spicy chicken right now after reading this.



Mariah Carey requests albacore tuna packed in water, homemade desserts, tea made with Poland spring water, Cristal champagne, diet coke, snapple and bendy straws to drink with. Oh and her deli turkey must be sliced wafer thin and her towels must be large and fluffy. Champagne and fluffy towels are officially added to my list.


Singer Amy Winehouse asks for two bottles of red wine, a case of lager, large bottles of vodka, champagne and courvoisier. She also wants mineral water, organic yogurt, fruit smoothies and contact info for the closest gym. The alcohol part I get but the organic yogurt and gym info baffles me. She looks within an inch of death. Does she really care about working out when she is probably under 100 lbs and ready to fall over at any minute?


Paula Abdul demands a breakfast of toast, bagels, English muffins, fresh fruit, coffee, 4 gallons of milk, 2 gallons of orange juice. Lunch is a hot soup, deli platter, potato chips and cookies. Dinner is salad, two entrees and a vegetarian meal, fruit salad and dessert. Paula, I want to travel with you. For someone so tiny she really focuses on her food and I like that. How crazy can she be when cookies and chips are in her life?



Finally, I saved the best for last, Ms J. Lo. She specifies that her furniture ,drapes and candles must all be white and diptyque brand only. Her trailer must be 40 feet long. Her Evian water kept at room temp and she only wants apricot, mango and peach juices...apple and grape are forbidden. She also has a huge sweet tooth and request brownies, apple pie a la mode and chocolate chip cookies. OK J. Lo, the desserts make me almost like you and think there is a part of you that is still normal.


So there you have it. I am going to ask my boss if she can have champagne and a masseuse available for me during our next staff meeting. It's the very least she could do after everything I endure while working during the week. Maybe I can even finagle some apple pie out of it too??

That's all for now! :)

Featured Fragrance Review: Prada Infusion D'Iris

Perfume will always be a love of mine. It is a catalyst for lifting my mood or comforting me or transporting me to another place or memory. I recently discovered this fragrance after being given a small amount by a friend and being able to test it properly. I am happy to say that it is truly wonderful and not at all expensive to boot! I have a habit of falling in love with things that are really exclusive and excruciatingly expensive and this is refreshingly affordable and pretty easy to find. I ended up buying my bottle of ebay for a very reasonable price.

On the box the notes listed are as follows: Italian mandarin, Tunisian neroli, Orange flower, Pallida Iris, Cedarwood, Vetiver, Galbanum, Somali incense and Laos benzoin. This is one of those fragrances that you would never be able to connect to those notes. I do get an initial blast of cedar and orange blossom but after about 10 minutes this dries down a lovely clean powdery soft scent. I would definitely call this a skinscent. It doesn't smell like you are wearing perfume at all, it's airy but it stays close to your skin and smells clean and warm and "come closer"-ish. I really like that it manages to be clean and powdery without being soapy or nauseating as clean scents and powdery scents can be if overdone. It has a greenness to is yet it manages to be soft at the same time. I would call this an elegant scent that could be worn in just about any situation. This is one I would grab when I am unsure as to what to wear. It is an EDP and it lasts for about 4 hours on my skin. It is sparkly yet soft just as the new version of Chanel No 5 Eau premiere is. It is less floral than the Chanel and more modern smelling, but I would put it in the same category as an easy to wear, fresh, clean, yet soft and gentle scent. If you're looking for something new to try and you like soft skinscents give this one a go.

That's all for now! :)

Lets Dance

In honor of my favorite show starting a new season tonite, I would like to post a video of a song that says it all. I have been watching Dancing With The Stars for a few years now and it always sucks me in. This season I have a more personal investment in it due to a really klassy man on the subway today loudly telling me in front of a very crowded car of people that I have a "bangin'ass like Kim Kardashian" just as the train pulled into the 59th street station. For the uninformed reading this, Kim Kardashian is appearing in this seasons show as a celeb dancer. Oh and P.S, my derriere is hugely FAT in case you were wondering.

Long before this show I have always wanted to take dance lessons and learn enough to be able to stop embarrassing myself out on the dance floor. I am what you would call a "free form" dancer. Did you ever see Elaine on Seinfeld dance? Well, I'm not THAT bad but I would like to be able to confidently go out there and shake my money maker with no fear of making people laugh or run away. I am planning to take dance lessons this winter and I am really hoping to be able to learn some exciting Latin dances while doing it.

I thought of this song because well, it talks about dancing and it is a song that really takes me back. It was hugely popular when I was in high school. I even went to see the legendary Mr Bowie in concert and yes, he was God-like. It is 26 years later (OMG, WHEN DID I GET SO OLD???????) and I still remember every single word to this one. I love the beat, I love the old dude in the bar doing the funky chicken, I love the girl in the red shoes out in the dirt dancing and David Bowie is just about the coolest man alive next to Jackie Chan. Not to mention the fact that Bowie does not even pretend to be playing the guitar he is holding. What else could you want from a song or video? Of course there is a social statement made here about materialism and the red shoes are symbolic of the start of it all for the couple shown, but I'd rather just focus on the music and the man singing it. This was made at a time when videos were not as high falutin'. MTV was fairly new and this was one of the more interesting offerings at the time. It really does make me want to put on some red shoes and dance my blues ,and who else could get away with saying the words "because my love for you, would break my heart in two.... if you should fall into my arms and tremble like a floooooooooower" besides Bowie? I'm sure I'm getting old and losing touch here, but to me this song is still just as good today as it was then. It doesn't sound dated to me at all and it has a good beat and some interesting lyrics. And the phrase "serious moonlight" alone makes it something that people should hear. I present for your listening pleasure Mr David Bowie crooning "Lets Dance"......

Wintery Thoughts......

Winter is coming. I can feel it. It's still warm out here but there is something in the air ,especially at night, that made me go to my old haunt Marshalls and buy a new winter coat yesterday. I am also thinking of getting an air conditioner cover since taking it out of my window is not feasible and it becomes drafty in cold weather. I dread the sun setting at 4 pm, the trees being bare, the generally bleak feeling that comes with shorter days and colder temperatures. I used to love it when I was younger, I loved winter sports and I loved the cold. Lately, I am not feeling as fond of this season as I used to. This inevitable change in seasons has lead me to food-ish thoughts lately. In the summer, I really do not cook much. It's hot, I don't feel like eating much and I do not want to heat up my small space by turning on an oven. The winter however is a different story. I work so I do not cook nightly but I tend to make one or two things that I can live off of for a week, usually on Saturdays or Sundays. Today, I want to give you a few recipes for winter foods that I make regularly. These are dishes I turn to time and time again and really love. The man loved my cooking, these are some of his favorite winter dishes too.



First up is a soup. I never would have thought I could love lentils so much, but this soup is just delicious and there is nothing more soothing and satisfying on a freezing cold day than sitting down to a bowl of this and some garlic bread or cornbread. It tastes better as it sits in the fridge for a few days too. Do not let the "exotic" ingredients scare you, it has a really wonderful flavor!



Tomato-Coconut Lentil soup



1 onion diced

3-4 cloves garlic chopped ( the more the better!)

2 tbl olive oil

2 to 3 tsp cumin

1 tsp tumeric

2 tsp gr coriander

2 tablespoons fresh (or three tbl dried) mint.

1 tsp white pepper

1 cup red lentils. (must be red, they will dissolve and thicken the soup)

1 cup green lentils

1 (28 oz) can tomato puree or stewed tomatoes (puree gives better texture)

1 (15 0z) can coconut milk (I use the low fat one)

salt to taste



Saute the onions and garlic, add the spices and cook a bit till the rawness is diminished and they are slightly toasted. (If you are using fresh mint add it just before serving so the flavor is brighter, dried mint can be added to the onions in the beginning). Add 4 cups water, add the green lentils and cook till they are almost done...( I cooked them for about 45 min to an hour) now add the red ones and you will need to add more water...add just enough for them to cook. If you want to you can add a boullion cube or two to the water for additional flavor ( I like ham flavored), you will have to add less salt later on if you do this. This will be very thick but you will be adding other liquid in a bit so do not worry, you can always adjust liquid later. Now, cook the red lentils for about 20 minutes, they will dissolve and thicken the soup even more....add a bit more liquid if needed and now add tomatoes and the coconut milk and salt to taste, cook for about 10-15 more minutes till everything is combined. This is fabulous and tastes even better a few days later.





The second recipe I want to give you today is for a really wonderful tomato sauce that I have had many times at a favorite restaurant in Manchester Vermont. I love Manchester. My Mom and I used to go there a lot, it was very close to where I grew up. She had family nearby and we also loved to go shopping in town when there were a lot of outlets. I have gone back in recent years with the man and we loved eating at " The Perfect Wife". We even had a brush with fame there once. Tim Daly the actor of Wings/Private Practice TV show fame was there with his wife eating and we were perched high above him in the tavern eating while acting like we were not watching him. By the way, he hates tomatoes as evidenced by him picking them all out of his dish.

Being the weirdo that I am, I even have a picture of this restaurants devastatingly beautiful coconut cream pie set to the main display on my cell phone. It is so heavenly that just looking at it daily serves as an anchor for me in my stressful life.

Chef Amy Chamberlain is tremendously talented and one of the nicest people you could ever meet. There is a fabulous appetizer she serves that involves a bed of super tasty curry tomato sauce in a casserole dish. On top of the sauce there are big, warm,creamy blobs of baked goat cheese. This is served with eggplant "fries" or sticks of fried eggplant for dipping. Is your mouth watering yet? Chef Amy also uses it in a dish with rice pilaf, roasted sweet potato hash and a sun dried cherry chutney. I wrote to her and she graciously sent me her wonderful recipe after scaling it down to household proportions since she makes gallons of it at a time for her restaurant.

This has become a staple for me. There is so much I do with it. I have used it over chicken breasts, over fish, dolloped it into raw egg whites or whole eggs and scrambled for a delicious breakfast. I've also dropped raw whole eggs into it while it gently simmers to poach them that way and served over basmati rice for a different dinner or lunch. I've simmered shrimp in it (deeeelicious!), dolloped it over a baked sweet potato and a real favorite is dumping a few cans of chickpeas and maybe a cut up potato into it and creating a wonderful stew to serve over steamed basmati rice. Just delicious! The recipe makes about 2 quarts and freezes well. I try to always have some on hand in my freezer so I can throw together something good in a few minutes that tastes like I spent hours fussing. Even if you do not like curry I think you might like this one. It's pretty mild. If you are ever in Manchester please pay Amy a visit, you will not be disappointed!



Yellow Curry Satay:



1 lg. onion, diced

4 T. chopped garlic

2T. good curry powder (Look for Madras brand in a gold tin)

1 T. ground cumin

2 t. dried basil2 t. dried oregano

1/2 cup mango chutney ( I use Major greys found at the grocery store)

1 can coconut milk ( I use low fat again, still tastes great)

5 c. canned diced tomatoes

1 c. canned tomato puree



Sweat the onions and garlic til soft. Add spices and toast them a little. Add chutney and coconut milk. Simmer till combined nicely. Add tomato product. Simmer for one hour. Season to taste with salt and pepper.



The last three recipes are nothing exotic or thrilling but they are always loved and appreciated. They are both totally American Mom/apple pie type of recipes. First we have good ole chocolate chip cookies. I must tell you that nothing disappoints me more than a crunchy chocolate chip cookie. Most recipes make a nice cookie that you must eat the day they are baked or they taste stale and hard the very next day. Not so with these. This recipe comes from Cooks Illustrated magazine. These cookies taste fresh for days afterward if they make it that long. They are chewy and delicious and so easy to make. I like to mix up the dough and use a cookie scoop to portion the dough out into cookie sized dough balls. Then I freeze the raw dough in a ziplock baggie. I bake on demand as needed, but you could easily bake up a full batch and they will still taste fresh days later. I just do not want a batch of baked cookies laying around to binge on so I only make as many as I want to eat at the moment.


Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies


2 cups plus 2 tbsp all purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter (12 tbsp), melted and cooled until just warm
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 325F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda and salt. In a large bowl, whisk together butter and sugars. Beat in the egg, egg yolk and vanilla. Stir in flour mixture, followed by chocolate chips.Drop by (scant) 1/4 cups onto the baking sheet and pat lightly so the cookie is an even thickness, not a ball shape. Cookies will spread as they bake and this ensures a more even spread.Bake at 325F for 15-17 minutes, until just turning light brown all over. The edges should only be very slightly more brown, if at all, from the rest of the cookie. Allow cookies to cool before removing them from the baking sheet.Makes 18-24 large cookies. (I make smaller cookies, not 1/4 cup of dough, more like half of that)

These are wonderful and just the best. They stay fresh tasting for days.

Another favorite cookie also comes from Cooks Illustrated. These are positively addictive. They are called Brown Sugar Cookies but they taste so rich and buttery, like caramel. They are so flavorful and I cannot stop at one. They have a wonderful chewiness to them and that combined with the browned butter flavor makes them irresistable. Here is the recipe taken directly from the Cooks Illustrated website. These take minutes to mix up despite the long directions, do not be put off by that. They are very easy and quick!

Brown Sugar Cookies

Published: March 1, 2007
Makes 2 Dozen Cookies



The most efficient way to bake these cookies is to portion and bake half of the dough. While the first batch is in the oven, the remaining dough can be prepared for baking. Avoid using a nonstick skillet to brown the butter. The dark color of the nonstick coating makes it difficult to gauge when the butter is sufficiently browned. Use fresh brown sugar, as older (read: harder and drier) brown sugar will make the cookies too dry.

INGREDIENTS

14 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 3/4 sticks)
1/4 cup granulated sugar (about 1 3/4 ounces)
2 cups packed dark brown sugar (14 ounces)
2 cups unbleached all purpose flour plus 2 tablespoons (about 10 1/2 ounces)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1. Heat 10 tablespoons butter in 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until melted, about 2 minutes. Continue to cook, swirling pan constantly until butter is dark golden brown and has nutty aroma, 1 to 3 minutes. Remove skillet from heat and transfer browned butter to large heatproof bowl. Stir remaining 4 tablespoons butter into hot butter to melt; set aside for 15 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 large (18 by 12-inch) baking sheets with parchment paper. In shallow baking dish or pie plate, mix granulated sugar and 1/4 cup packed brown sugar, rubbing between fingers, until well combined; set aside. Whisk flour, baking soda, and baking powder together in medium bowl; set aside.

3. Add remaining 1 3/4 cups brown sugar and salt to bowl with cooled butter; mix until no sugar lumps remain, about 30 seconds. Scrape down sides of bowl with rubber spatula; add egg, yolk, and vanilla and mix until fully incorporated, about 30 seconds. Scrape down bowl. Add flour mixture and mix until just combined, about 1 minute. Give dough final stir with rubber spatula to ensure that no flour pockets remain and ingredients are evenly distributed.

4. Divide dough into 24 portions, each about 2 tablespoons, rolling between hands into balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Working in batches, toss balls in reserved sugar mixture to coat and set on prepared baking sheet, spacing them about 2 inches apart, 12 dough balls per sheet. (Smaller baking sheets can be used, but it will take 3 batches.) Note:I personally skip the rolling in extra sugar step. They are sweet enough for me without it.

5. Bake one sheet at a time until cookies are browned and still puffy and edges have begun to set but centers are still soft (cookies will look raw between cracks and seem underdone; see photo below), 12 to 14 minutes, rotating baking sheet halfway through baking. Do not overbake.

6. Cool cookies on baking sheet 5 minutes; using wide metal spatula, transfer cookies to wire rack and cool to room temperature.

Tip on checking for doneness from Cooks Illustrated:

Achieving the proper texture—crisp at the edges and chewy in the middle—is critical to this recipe. Because the cookies are so dark, it's hard to judge doneness by color. Instead, gently press halfway between the edge and center of the cookie. When it's done, it will form an indent with slight resistance. Check early and err on the side of underdone.

Finally, something I am not proud of but it has been so popular with the man over the years that I have to tell you about it. It is called "Meatloaf Muffins". I know it does sound trashy, but I will confess that I am a meatloaf lover. My Mom used to make the best meatloaf on earth, but I began to make one from a Weight Watchers recipe and the man loved it so much that it became a winter thing here. I have used turkey instead of ground beef to lighten it up and it tastes fine. I realize that it is "processed" with the stuffing mix but what can I say? It seems to go over big. It was always good for me with my dieting because of the portion control and people love getting their own individual loafs. The recipe makes 12 "muffins".
If you are a Weight Watcher one muffin is 4 points.

Meatloaf Muffins

2 lbs lean ground beef or turkey
about 1/2 cup ketchup (I just squeeze randomly from the container into the mix)
1 7 ounce box of stovetop stuffing
1 1/2 cups water
1 to 2 eggs
salt and pepper

Mix this all together. Just use the stuffing dry out of the box, smash everything together with your hands. Now divide it into 12 Pam sprayed muffin tins. I actually use an ice cream scooper for this. Bake the "muffins" at 350 for about 35 minutes. If you like your meatloaf crusty, turn out the muffins onto a Pam sprayed foil lined baking sheet to bake for an additional 15 minutes till they are browned and done. If you do not like a crusty loaf just finish baking in the tins. The man used to love taking this in a sandwich for his lunch.

I will be posting more recipes in the near future but these are the ones that came to mind recently with thoughts of winter. I hope you try one or two and enjoy as much as I do!

That's all for now! :)

If Ya Think I'm Sexy And Ya Want My Body, Come On Sugah Let Me Know!

Behold, the strangest "sexy" picture of a celebrity I have ever seen. Spotted on another website I cannot believe David Duchovny ever approved this shot. First of all, he looks like he is wearing a diaper and second of all he looks like he is trying to give off a "baby" vibe which totally grosses me out. Quite possibly the most "unsexy" picture of a man in his underwear I have ever seen. WHAT WAS HE THINKING? *shivers*

A Devilishly Delicious Snack

What on Gods Earth is in Rosemary and Olive Oil triscuits? I bought a box, had a few before bed and collapsed in exhaustion shortly after. I must tell you that I had the most horrific nightmares I have ever had in my life. I am still shaking when I think of them. I woke up with my mouth wide open trying to scream for help. I have never had a reaction like this to anything in my life. In my nightmare, I was trying to die and looking for a safe place to go. I found my childhood home and went to my bedroom which was still as intact as if I never left it. I laid down on my bed and all of a sudden I became aware of loud pounding on the front door. I ran to answer it and it was my mother who died 13 years ago. She was a zombie and she was chasing me all around the house trying to get me. I escaped only to be chased by my Grandmother who died in 1936. She too was a half dead zombie. I was looking everywhere for my ex to help me get away from these scary monsters and he was nowhere to be found. The entire scenario was just terrifying. I woke up feeling worse then when I fell asleep.


Nabisco, hear me now, whatever is in those deliciously evil crackers is dangerous. It says on the back of the box: "A tasty romance awaits, the unique flavor, the satisfying crunch.....triscuit is just the kind of break your day needs. Go ahead, enjoy the sophisticated flavor of triscuits Rosemary and Olive Oil"....oh and they forgot to add.....and make sure you are wearing your sneakers and have your gun nearby to fight off the zombie monsters that will be chasing you are you've had your tasty snack.

That's all for now :)

Weekly Dirty Papers Review and Highlights

So here we are again, I've just completed my perusing of the dirties (aka the Globe, Star and National Enquirer magazines) and it's been a slow week in LaLa land. I'm not going to go into the Sarah Palin articles because I don't find the tales about her hypocrisy and family woes particularly entertaining, and trashy entertainment is what I read the dirties for. Give me a good celeb on an embarrassing drunken binge story any day over that.

This week I have hand picked the following for you:

1.)Paris Hilton is no longer hot(evidence follows).

2.)Star Jones found a new victim (aka boyfriend).

3.)Fifty Cent has malodorous feet.

4.)Kiefer Sutherland appears to be a normal person.

5.)Joe Pesci and Angie Everhart rekindle their strange romance.

Bonus feature in the Enquirer: Ten things you MUST own for under $10.


OK, first we have Paris Hilton FINALLY losing her celeb status. Evidence to this was revealed in her demanding to get into the ladies room at a Hollywood club in front of a long line of women who called her a bitch and told her to get into line like the rest of them. She cried and huffed and left the club. She was also spotted at the Shu Uemura makeup counter actually PAYING for her purchases. No more freebies like in the past. Can I just say what took so long? The popularity of this waste of humanity has dumbfounded me for years.

Next we have Star Jones finding romance. First of all, I want to say that I have met this monster and she is every bit the nasty diva she is portrayed to be. I used to work in a restaurant she frequented and myself and other co-workers would fight over who had to deal with her. She was always rude, dismissive and just generally a horribly miserable human being. I love that the title of this article in the enquirer reads "Stars lovin' what comes from his oven, chef finds way to her heart-through her stapled stomach." Apparently she is dating a chef. He looks pretty attractive too. There was also a photo of them kissing that ruined my dinner. 'Nuff said on this one.


Rapper Fifty Cent (better known as "fitty cent")has smelly feet. Can I just also add that nothing made me laugh harder than hearing Charlie Gibson doing a news story on this rapper utter the word "fitty", it was such an "I am a very Caucasian man" moment. Anyway, back to his funky feet. Apparently he took his filthy sneakers off during a flight from NY to Boston and proceeded to prop his nasty feet up on the headrest of the woman in the seat in front of him. The smell was so foul that several people on the plane complained and he was asked to put his shoes back on. Lovely.

Kiefer Sutherland appears to be a troubled but down to earth individual. He went to jail this year for a DUI and came out realizing that he took his star life for granted and that he could lose it all in a second. He also stated that once you have fallen it is important to pick yourself and rebuild your life. Wait a minute, he sounds like an average person here. I was never a fan of this guy but for some reason I am pulling for him. I have seen numerous pictures of him in the past on drunken rampages acting completely out of control and for some reason his behavior does not annoy me. I feel for him and this easily annoyed woman is officially going on record as saying "Kiefer, stick with AA and keep your chin up, you can do this".


And wrapping up the week, a true Hollywood love story. Angie Everhart owes her reignited relationship with former fiance Joe Pesci to her DUI. Yes kids, this odd couple was engaged and broke it off. Angie was out driving drunk, got arrested and called Joe to bail her out of jail. $15,000 later, they were in love again. Gee, maybe there is still hope for my former fiance and I.

This weeks bonus: 10 things you must own for under $10

1.)Mr Clean Magic Eraser at $3. it's a foaming multi purpose cleaning sponge. Said to lift everything from soap scum to floor scuff marks to cleaning car wheels. Hmmmm.

2.) OXO good grips jar opener at $7.99. I love anything OXO.

3.)RESQME at $9.95. A device that you can attach to your car keys that will cut your seat belt or break a car window for escape if you are under water or engulfed in flames. Wow, if I had a car I would definitely buy one of these things.

4.)Tide To Go stick stain remover At $3.99. Name says it all.

5.)Ped Egg at $9.99. Home pedicure device. I prefer the microplane one from QVC to this but it's good none the less.

6.)Openx at $5.99. A device used to open hard to open packages. OK, I use a knife but whatever.

7.)Smoke detector at $7.99. Of course you need this and you know it.

8.)4 in 1 radio, alarm, flashlight, phone charger at $9.99. It doesn't even need batteries, you crank it and it powers internally charged cells. It even has a siren, sign me up! Found at Walgreen's.

9.)Knife and scissors sharpener at $9.95. Meh, so what.

10.)Fizz keeper at $3.99. Keeps fizzy drinks fizzy. I will keep this one in mind since I plan to significantly increase my champagne consumtion this year.

So there you have it, that's all for now! :)

Thanks for Sharing

"Thanks for sharing". There are quite a few times lately when I feel compelled to say this but I smother the impulse. This is sort of an offshoot of my feeling about "attention whores" but not quite as severe. Let me give you some examples about what I mean here.

I am currently treating a patient who lives in a public housing project and has a few questionable characters coming and going from his place that I occasionally run into. I am so immune to most inner city grit that it takes a lot to make me wince these days. I've pretty much seem and heard it all from walking in on someone having sex to seeing people smoking crack and spotting bloody hand prints all over a hallway surrounded by crime scene tape. Oh there was also the time I walked into a building and there was a man in the small lobby with a huge suitcase full of money wide open. He just looked at me (he knew I was there for my job and that I was not a threat) and said..."not today Mama, come back tomorrow". I said thank you and promptly left.

Considering all of this I don't know why someone telling me they wet their pants shook me a bit. It's kind of silly after all I've heard in the past but this one was just crossing the line for me. I was in the above mentioned patients home and a women who looked like she had been around the block quite a few times came in to give my patient some cleaning supplies for his home health aid to use. She asked if she could use his kitchen to change her pants. He looked at her with a quizzical look and said...uh, no. Now why she didn't ask to use the bathroom is beyond me, but I didn't want to give her any suggestions or get into it with her so I just stood by and watched in fascination of what was to come. She went into the kitchen to put the cleaning supplies away and he apologized to me for her presence and whispered that she was a nice person but a bit crazy. Within a few minutes she came back into the living area where we were and she leaned toward me and whispered to me in confidence, "I'm sorry, I wet myself". She said it in an intimate way that made me feel like this is something she thought that I do all the time too and that I would understand it. It was so strange I just said to her, "Oh wow, that's rough, glad you're OK". We had our moment and she left and I am still thinking about it two weeks later.


After barely getting back on my feel from this experience yet another moment of sharing occurred yesterday. I work with a Translator/Escort who I love dearly. I never felt that I needed someone with me on a daily basis, I feel that it slows me down and safety is not something I worry about. The language thing is a concern for me though because my knowledge of Spanish is limited and it is handy to have someone there for moments when I really want to communicate with people on a deeper level. My Translator drives and this is a godsend because I am currently being forced to take cases that are very far apart and there is no way I could be working on foot lately without him driving me from place to place. Yesterday, I had to stop at a friends apartment while working to pick up something and take him some baby wipes because he had no hot water in his building to bathe. He just had foot surgery and is unable to walk or go out so I offered to do the legwork for him. After stopping at the store and picking up the wipes, my translator casually said to me, "oh yeah, wipes are great I always keep a pack here for when I have sex in my car. " This statement was followed with DEAD SILENCE and me screaming WHAAAAAAAT? Don't get me wrong, I am not a prude and I do not care what this 20-something guy does in his car but be aware that I am SITTING in that very car 5 days a week and my mind instantly wondered if I was perched on the "sex spot" on a regular basis. The interior is leather so that calmed me a bit but I had to ask..."you do this in the BACK seat right?" He laughed and said yes and we were OK again. But now, I have an image of him getting it on in this car and I will never again rest easy in it.

As a warm up for tomorrow's Dirty Paper weekly review I will share with you some celebrity TMI (too much information) moments. Naomi Watts reveals that she likes to return clothes that she has already worn to stores for a refund. That's nice isn't it? Jason Biggs admits that he likes to wear his wife's ex-boyfriends boxer shorts. (Huh??? does this make him wacky or something, should I feel something here?). Kid Rock took a bathroom break on the couch of a music promoter because he felt that the guy didn't provide his band with enough perks. Niiiiiice. Klassy guy there. Thanks for telling us about it too. Oh, Jessica Simpson revealed in front of a concert hall full of spectators that she passes a lot of gas and that it smells like roses. Sweet, huh? Topping off the celeb thanks for sharing list is Britney Spears own Mama who has written a tell-all book which reveals that her daughter lost her virginity at 14, took drugs at 15 and started drinking at 13. Happy Mothers Day Lynne Spears, you're the best.

Oh have I told you that I pooped this morning and it was shaped like the face of Jesus?...oh wait a minute, I though I was talking to Dr Oz...my bad.

That's all for now :)

Employee Of The Year

Meet Richard and Columbina. Are they not the cutest couple on earth?? Richard is purposely blurred out because he is going to kill me for posting this and at least I can say....."but people can't even see you! You're all blurry!" Looking at them I can hear the faux British accent of the Dancing with the Stars announcer...."Dancing the Cha Cha, Richard and his partner Columbina"....

Richard is my co-worker. He is upset with me because I nominated him for physical therapist of the year and he has won. He is a humble person and doesn't like attention. My posting this here will probably make him even madder at me but I don't care. I love him. Working with him is a breath of fresh air. Columbina's face says it all. There was loud Latin music on too at the time the picture was taken and they were actually dancing because that's the type of guy Richard is. He motivates you even when you bitch about your knees hurting or your feet aching. You want to get up for him.

Today I laughed the hardest I've laughed in a while listening to him joke to an 86 year old patient with his hand on her knee "Hortense, I've told you how badly I want you before and still you keep rejecting me". Her laughter was genuine and she was loving every minute of the attention. She tells him that she likes big muscular men, that he is not her type but she really likes him. It is hilarious to watch. I am sure that he is the highlight of her week.

This is why you are "employee of the year" Richard. I only hope that when I am old and my knees hurt and I bitch about how tired I am, someone just like you comes to my house and makes me giggle and feel girlish again. You deserve every bit the recognition you are about to get.

Separated At Birth?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present to you the next Vice President of the United States, the lovely Peggy Hill.

Wake-up to Make-Up

From time to time, I like to talk about makeup. I have an obscene amount of it. I have always been into it but when I started reading the makeup board on makeupalley.com I started to buy everything under the sun in an effort to re-vamp my look as I have grown older. Wearing the same things I wore when I was 25 just was not working for me in my late 30's. I learned a lot there but I am no longer on a buying mission. Not reading makeupalley on a regular basis has been a Godsend to me. I have learned to appreciate what I have and I got out of wasting money on things that are exactly like stuff I already have. Not to mention that for me, constantly buying stuff when I already have plenty is a sign of something lacking in my life but that is another topic entirely. I would die of embarrassment if a "normal" person was to see my stash. They would surely think I have some sort of makeup buying disorder. My ex saw it, he thought it was cute. But he was in love with me and my eccentricities were charming to him. He also used to tell me on a daily basis that I was beautiful and I really did appreciate that. It's not that I am so insecure and needy that I had to be told that everyday but to have someone appreciate the effort I make to look presentable everyday was a wonderful thing.
Despite the large amount of makeup I own, I wear the same things everyday. It's just how it works out. Any working woman knows that getting yourself together and getting out of the house everyday is something you do on automatic after a while. Who has time to stand there and make decisions? I grab for what I know looks best on me and works every time. In the summer I wear a heavy sunscreen that leaves my face a bit sticky. The only thing that I can wear over this is a nice powder. My summer face is as follows

1.) Bioderma Photoderm Max 50. Excellent sunscreen, works like a charm and has a very high PPD rating. PPD means persistent pigment darkening. Most U.S. sunscreens do not have adequate protection against UVA and UVB rays. This sunscreen protects fully.

2.)Concealer. I never had to use it till now. The stress I am currently under is giving me darkness under my eyes and I need something to brighten that area. Lately I am loving this foundation in a tube from Estee Lauder for this. It lasts forever, it's waterproof and looks like I am wearing nothing. It is called Maximum Cover Camouflage Makeup for Face and Body. For something so heavy duty it is very thin and creamy. It only takes a minute pin drop of it and it covers all my darkness under my eyes completely without looking cakey and make-uppy. I also like Benefits erase paste, it brightens nicely but doesn't last as well as the Estee Lauder. In the winter I always use Estee Lauders doublewear concealer to cover the redness and broken capillaries around my nose. It is the only thing that does not come off when I blow my nose in the cold weather. The Maximum cover one also makes a perfect base on my eyelids to take away redness as well. I also love and wear an eye base at times from Merle Norman. It's the best one out there, it comes in a compact and it is called Automatic shadow base. It's perfect for people with dry lids who don't want something too heavy duty that will make your skin texture look crepey and older.

3.)Caron loose foundation powder. This soaks up everything and looks completely natural. It honestly does not look powdery on your face, it is perfection. Smells like roses and violets too. My face looks like velvet with this stuff. You can only get it at the Caron boutique here in NYC but it is well worth it. It's $45 for a HUGE tin of it that lasts me for over a year. It's the best powder I have ever tried bar none.

4.)Shiseido hydropowder eyeshadow. It's a cream in a pot, it absolutely does not crease all day and it totally brightens my entire eye lid without looking like I am plastered with makeup. It takes all the redness or darkness out and looks like a beautiful glaze on my eyelids. I use the colors glistening sand and I also like lemon sugar. Both are nice everyday colors. I just smear it on my lids with a clean finger, quick and easy.

5.)Merle Norman Soft Touch eye pencil. This is what I line my eyes with. I used to use gel liners a lot from Bobbi Brown and Merle Norman, but they come in a pot and I need to use a brush to apply and frankly I am too rushed lately to do this. I do really like the look of those though and do still use occasionally. The Merle Norman pencils are it for me though. Especially the color Galaxy, it is a gorgeous grey with hints if purple and blue but it lights up my eyes gorgeously AND they are water resistant and do not rub off .The range of colors is pretty nice and the actual colors are really gorgeous.

6.)Maybelline brow pencil in charcoal . This is a cheapie, it comes in a two pack for about $3. I regret to say though that they discontinued this color and it is perfect. It's not gray, it's a perfect color for just filling in your brows a bit but not looking like you did. Anyone could wear this color. I got extra off of ebay. Oh and FYI, If you think your eyebrows are OK look again. I always thought so too but after having my eyebrows done by a pro a few years ago it completely changed my face. Getting them shaped professionally really does make a difference. It take years off of your face, if you haven't done it treat yourself!

7.) L'oreal Telescopic mascara. This is fantastic stuff. Gives long lush lashes and can be found right at your local drugstore. If you want the best mascara on earth that will make you look like you are wearing false eyelashes try Faux Cils from Yves Saint Laurent. What a fabulous luxury.

8.)Blush is my love. I never needed it when I was younger because I always had a very red face but as I've gotten older I realize that I do need some color and it makes a huge difference when I wear it. I love cream formulas from Becca to Julie Hewitt, to drugstore ones like Revlon and the ones from the Carmindy line.Shiseido's accentuating color sticks are superb as well. I also like anything from Bobbi Brown from the rouge pots to the powder blushes.Presciptives blush petals are really subtle and go on beautifully too. Kevyn Aucoins cream and powder blushes are also in my regular rotation as well and if you like mineral makeup Bare escentuals makes some wonderful blushes and the array of shades to choose from is staggering. My all time favorite blush is a gel blush from L'oreal that has been discontinued, it is called translucide gel blush. Gel blush is the most natural looking of all blushes because it totally absorbs into your skin and looks like the color is coming from within. A nice substitue for the discontinued L'oreal ones are the gel blushes from Bonne Bell that you can order online from their site. They are dirt cheap and just as good as expensive ones.

9.) Lips, I used to wear traditional lipstick all the time but now that I am older I cannot. It ages me terribly. Dark colors really age me as well and I rarely wear them. Natural is best. I once heard that you should look for a color that is close to the inside of your lower lip if you want something that will flatter you. That's pretty close to true for me. I also have to use a base (preferably liplift by Guerlain) if I am wearing something really creamy or darker colored because I have a terrible problem with my lipstick bleeding into the fine lines around my lips. This product stops it for me but there are others to try as well. The only kind of lipstick I can wear is a gloss type of lipstick like the Clinique buttershines or the Luxiva lip glazes from Merle Norman. This moist glossy type of lip product makes my lips look fuller and more youthful. I always stay away from anything really shimmery or frosty, this does not flatter me at all either. I also like Maybelline's Moisture Extreme lipsticks from the drugstore. They are dirt cheap and so moist and look great. The color Desert Bloom is a nice everyday color. Sue Devitt lipsticks are also being sold for super cheap on ebay right now and the color Hollywood is so pretty as a face perker upper. It's sheer and very moist as well. Bare Escentuals lip guards are great too. The lip guards are nice because they have SPF if you are outside and they have a wonderful fresh lemony scent. They always look just right too color wise. Oh and Guerlains kiss kiss gloss sticks are beautiful too, MAC slimshines are similar and cheaper but I do not like the colors as well. Lately my everyday lip is a balm from Weleda that I got at the health food store, it is called Everon lipbalm. It smells like roses and honey, it is just lovely. I put a swipe of a L'oreal colorjuice stick lipgloss over it for color. I have a lot of lip products but these are the ones I use most.

10.) I am very pale, I do not like bronzer at all and normally never wear it but lately I have finishing my face at the very end with a very light dusting of prescriptives pressed powder leaves in the color antique peach. I have a huge fluffy powder brush and this product is very light, you can barely see it on my skin. I like to go over the bridge of my nose and lightly dust my cheeks and forehead. It is barely perceptible and I am still very pale but it gives me a little extra oompf that I've been needing lately but it by no means makes me look tanned.

Winter Changes

In the winter I do make a few changes, I do not wear a heavy sunscreen and my skin is dry, I like liquids for foundation best at that time. My current favorite for my dry mature skin is liquid lift from the brand Makeup For Ever. It's just perfect, not too rich and it gives my face a really healthy even tone and texture. If I had to buy a liquid from the drugstore it would be Maybellines instant age rewind. My dry winter skin likes this one. It is very similar in texture and wear to the expensive Chanel Vitalumiere. There are times too when I like to wear a primer with a liquid foundation. This is a product that makes the foundation go on much smoother, last all day and not soak into your pores. Olay makes a very nice one called Pore Filler at the drugstore among many others. I also like to use a little subtle shimmer/ glow on my cheeks over my blush and the two highlighters I love most are a liquid from the brand Benefit called high beam. It's not disco glittery and just makes my cheeks look glowy with no visible shimmer. For a powder I like Makeup For Ever's compact shine on powder. It too is very subtle and barely noticeable. It just gives a nice illuminating glow.


I must mention too that I like to exfoliate regularly and use a scrub on my face maybe once or twice a week to get rid of dry flaky skin. This helps makeup go on smoother and look better overall. I'm sure you think with all this stuff I just talked about I spend an hour in the mirror but the truth is, it takes me about 5 to 10 minutes to do my face like this and the only thing I re-touch during the day is my lips. Ironically this comes out looking completely natural but if you saw me before I apply this stuff you would be shocked at what a difference it makes!

One more comment, I have changed my hair color too as I've aged. I used to have very very dark hair, I am now a redhead. It has completely lifted my face and my whole look. It has made a huge difference. Getting stuck in a rut with having the same hair you've had your entire life is a mistake a lot of women make as they get older. Sometimes a very small change can make a huge difference.


If you are feeling like you need a change or want to perk yourself up again and get your glow back, I hope there is something here that sounds appealing and sparks your creative juices!! Feel free to contact me if you have any thoughts or questions. The things I have listed and discussed here are what I have currently pared my routine down to but I have tried out many more things that I also like and am just not using at the moment.

That's all for now!! :)

Attention Whores

Have you heard this phrase lately? It seems to be gaining popularity and for good reason. The world is just full of these people and it seems like it is just getting worse everyday, or maybe I am just noticing it more.


Yesterday, we had a "tropical storm" here. there was a driving, pounding rain and winds of up to 50 MPH. It was not fit for man nor beast outside. Most normal people hunkered down inside and would not even think of going out. I even got a call from the emergency system via my job warning of the severe weather conditions and an advisory to stay indoors.


Taking all of this into account I am genuinely wondering why is it that some people decide to go to the beach in a situation like this? There were several stories about people attempting to go surfing and going for rides in their boats despite warnings about the potentially life threatening conditions at sea. They showed a man in a boat with two small children trying to go out for a ride. He was stopped by police several times and still, he kept at it. If not for the fact that he had those children with him I really think a guy like that should be left to his own devices. Someone that simple needs a good scare. There was also a story about a guy who decided that he thought 12 foot waves would be really cool to go surfing in. What on earth is missing in the brains of these people? The thing that really kills me is that emergency services people actually risk their lives to save people like this. They are akin to people who race with the bulls. You don't see police in Spain trying to talk people out of this dangerous event do you? They just let people go off and do it and that is that.


A few months ago we had two people in one day scale the New York times building. It was a spectacle. People lined the street to watch. Police were stationed at nearly every floor trying to save these idiots. Now I could understand if mental illness was involved but it wasn't. Both of these individuals were trying to prove a point. Don't ask me what it was now, I have forgotten but it was a social statement for both of them. Couldn't they have just donated to their causes? Was it really necessary to do something that required that much manpower and the time and energy of rescue teams? They even endangered people on the streets below. What if they had taken a fall and landed on some poor schmuck that happened to be walking by on his way to get his lunch or something? The nerve of these people just infuriates me.


Today I am just disgusted with attention whores. That is what these people are. For some reason they seem to feel the need to do attention getting things and to be heard. I would bet they are also loud talkers in public places. "LOOK AT ME", that is what these people seem to be saying. From now on, I think we need to leave these people be. If they want to walk on a ledge on the 40th floor of a high rise, let them. If they want to drive their cars onto an icy lake "just to see", let them. Unless they are putting the lives of others at risk and we are sure they are not mental, they deserve whatever fate they bring on themselves.


The famous version of this would be someone like Paris Hilton. She lives for having her photo taken. She walks out of her house with her hand in the air waving and her tiny dog peeking out of her giant purse. She even made a sex tape that she seemed to be quite proud of. She is an embarrassment and quite frankly I am shocked that she has "fans". Who on earth are these people?


Right now I am watching this horrendous infomercial on TV ,and it is an ad about some colon cleansing program. I clicked to this channel and the very first thing I heard was some guy with badly dyed hair and terrible skin saying "the majority of Americans are walking around with 5 to 25 lbs of compacted fecal matter in their digestive systems!" He then went on to say that we should be "eating and releasing" (nice phrase there huh?) 3x a day and any less means we are carrying around at least 5 lbs of poop that is killing us slowly. He even went into detail about how he watched his small daughter poop and that he was amazed at how large her deposit was in comparison to her body but that he has learned that it is healthy and that we should all be making mammoth drops. It means we are completely cleansed and healthy. People, this man is what we call a FREAK. The attention whore part of this is obvious, he wants to sell his colon cleansing pills but can you imagine making your mission in life using the word "fecal matter" in every sentence that comes out of your mouth all day long? Is nothing sacred anymore? Where is some restraint here? What in life lead this man to this point? Did his other career not work out? This must be a last resort for him. I refuse to believe he wants to be doing this. First Dr Oz and his poop talk on Oprah, now this? Why is poop such a big issue these days? Please, I am publicly begging here for society to stop talking about poop at every turn. I am at wits end with this.

I just don't know what else to say here. I seriously wonder why people are so needy like this and seem to have no boundaries and sense of how to behave in public. From the common man to celebrities to sales people trying to scare me into using their product...have some class and restraint. You might be surprised at how good it feels to just shut up about your darkest secrets and use your common sense from time to time.

That' all for now. :)

Dirty Paper Highlights and Weekly Review

OK, I have to tell you something that may make you wince and see me in a completely different light. I have this habit, it's a habit that I am not really proud of but it's a habit I am known for by those who really know me. As a matter of fact, when I met the ex, he used to poke fun at me about this but he ended up joining me in this ritual of mine as well and he became just as hooked as I am. Every week, like clockwork, I buy what is referred to by my Aunt Barb as.....THE DIRTY PAPERS. Yes, I've admitted it. For some reason, Aunt Barb has always used this phrase to refer to the Enquirer, Globe, and Star. When she first said it, it really cracked me up, but it stuck and now that is what I call them too. The Ex always used to call me on Wed nite on his way home from work when they were freshly on newsstand's and ask in a hushed tone in case anyone was listening to him..."do you need me to pick up the Dirties?". I cannot explain why I read this garbage. I do not care about the lives of celebrities as someone who might read these things probably does. A lot of what is in these publications irritates the crap out of me, but for some reason it is something I must do every week. On Friday nights after a hard week, I light a scented candle, crawl into bed after a nice relaxing shower and I just lay there and page through without a care or a worry in my mind. It is as if looking at these magazines temporarily shuts the thinking part of my brain off and I am on a different setting...automatic. This is not a bad thing. When the ex used to be in another room reading them he would occasionally yell out...."oh my God, Bjorks outfit at the grammy's was really insane!"...or "poor Oprah, she's fat again" ....or the ever popular..."when will that Jennifer Anniston learn how to pick a man that right for her? and "My God Nicole Ritchie is sickly looking!".

Today, I am going to share with you the top stories in the Dirties and hopefully, it will take your mind off whatever is concerning you at the moment like it does for me. This week I have zeroed in on some stories in the Globe and the Enquirer. I only buy the Globe, Enquirer and Star. I draw the line at the papers with two headed babies and aliens found living in the 7-11 down the block from me.

This week we hit the Globe with:

1.)Michelle Obama has humiliated Oprah
2.)Lindsay Lohan rips her Bully Dad for bashing her galpal (and here I thought the word galpal was no longer used?)
3.) David spade can't keep his hands off a hot blond in a barely there dress
4.)Samuel L Jackson is and even bigger asshole then I ever imagined or suspected
5.)Magician/illusionist David Blaine is up to his public stunt antics again.
6.)Sheila Woods' Friendship club personals are once again chock full of personal adds from Correctional facility inmates, women from Ghana looking to "relocate" to the U.S., and men looking for Asian women.

Honorable mention to the Enquirer with a story about

1)Oprah declares "I hate being fat". Props to Miss Oprah for making it into 2 dirty papers this week.


OK...lets start with Oprah. She's fat and Michelle Obama has humiliated her. What a rough week for our Oprah. First of all, I seriously want to know how these magazines have determined that Oprah weighs "262 lbs" as they are screaming.There is no way this is true. One of my hidden talents is guessing peoples weights and am usually within a 5 lb range. There is no way Oprah is this big and as a person who has my share of weight issues it really pisses me off when these tabloids throw numbers out there like this. Anyway.....she is shown drinking big decadent cocktails and there is even a report of her gorging herself (their words) on Kobe beef, lobster dipped in butter and a breakfast buffet featuring pancakes and omelets. Now if I was Oprah, I would make people sign a privacy contract that would forbid them from talking about my meals. We are talking about the worlds richest woman here, why is it news that she ate pancakes while she was on vacation? I can only imagine what would be printed about me: "last night, fussbudget was spotted eating 3 donut holes, 4 crackers with peanut butter and a handful of Swedish fish. Her Dr is fed up with her poor nutrition and has told her that she will face certain hospitalization if she doesn't clean up her act soon. She has already been seen buying bags full of vitamin supplements to offset her lack of vitamins in the garbage she calls food. "

Now as far as the Michelle Obama story, Michelle ordered Oprah away when Barack accepted the nomination at the democratic convention. She didn't want Oprah stealing the spotlight. I see nothing wrong with this and in this case I think it was the right thing to do if it is true. Oprah is an entity unto herself. Any event she shows up at is eclipsed by her presence not to mention the gory details of what she drank and snacked on while she was at the aforementioned event. Throw in wild guesses at what her weight currently is and why her long suffering boyfriend Steadman wasn't there with her and there you have it. People would barely remember Obama accepting the nomination but everyone would be talking about how well Oprah carried off her figure hugging outfit despite her weight gain and how flattering her new hair-do was.

Next we have the Lindsay Lohan story. She is pissed that her scumbag father branded her "ladylove" a parasite. Lindsay called her Dad a "public embarrassment and a bully". I don't know what it is about this girl but for some reason I want her to be happy and her family strikes me as a bunch of selfish, opportunistic users. I stand behind La Lohan on this one despite my past annoyances with her.

David Spade was seen pawing a blond woman and buying several bottles of champagne at $600 a pop. OK, I really really loathe David Spade. He is a symbol for everything I hate in the world. He is a smart assed, egotistical jerkoff who doesn't deserve what he's got. I never liked him and stories of his pathetic attempts at being a ladies man make my skin crawl. I simply cannot imagine giving that worm the time of day. Even if I was a money hungry star fucker, I would spit in his face if he ever approached me in a romantic way. Thank God there is no chance of that ever happening for both of our sakes. A Friendly warning for you David Spade, stick with the blond airheads with giant fake boobs for I am too much woman for the likes of you.

Samuel L Jackson is a self absorbed fat head. First of all, I do not like anyone using an initial in their name. It sounds forced and like they are trying too hard to be unique. In the featured interview segment in this weeks globe, Mr Jackson reports that he doesn't like stupidity, wastefulness, ignorance and people who are not as prepared as him when it comes to a job. Wow, that is deep Mr J. Have you considered running for Miss Universe? I think your thoughts would make a good answer to a question in the interview segment of a beauty pageant. He also stated that he loves to watch himself on television and that his favorite Samuel L. Jackson film is "A Long Kiss Good night". MAJOR points off for referring to himself in the tense of third person not to mention being his own biggest fan. Wrapping up the interview is his admission (for the 50th time) of being an alcoholic and going to AA years ago. I believe this was a backpedaling attempt by Mr J at appearing to be flawed and human after inadvertently revealing his true egotistical nature. Nice attempt at redeeming yourself Sam. Oh and lets not get into his preference for rocking Kangol hats. Enough with the Kangol hats. We know, you are edgy and cool, we get it already.

In finishing up with celeb news, David Blaine is doing another TV special. This time he will hang on the underside of a wire with NO safety net 5 stories above the street for 3 days starting September 22. He will be using electromagnetic boots and walk back and forth above NYC's Wollman ice skating rink. His TV special will be called"David Blaine, Dive of Death". Sources report, he will be fighting muscle spasms, lack of sleep and poor circulation. Let me start by saying that this guys antics usually bug me but I am inexplicably attracted to him. He sounds like an idiot when he opens his mouth and starts talking but I find him disturbingly sexy. He would be the kind of guy that I could not admit to having a fling with. The kind of guy that I would be embarrassed to admit that I was ever with but I would be sneaking around to be with every minute of the day because there is something magnetic about him and well, he's got it in a way I cannot put my finger on. Actually, I once had a thing with a guy like him. It was something that I look back on in amazement. I still think of this guy now. We had nothing to talk about, we used to just stare at each other and the relationship was purely physical. My friends at the time knew him, but to this day no one knows we had any relationship whatsoever. This is what David Blaine is to me. I just want to stare at him and know him in a biblical sense. Nothing more because he seems like a strange annoying person once he begins to speak.

Lastly, I must choose my personal pick for the personal ad of the week from "Sheila Woods friendship club". This is basically the personals section of the Globe. The Ex and I used to LOVE reading them to each other and imagining what the people behind these ads were really like. There is an alarming amount of them coming from correctional facilities (I.E JAIL/PRISON.....get the pic). There are also a lot of men looking for Asian women and quite a few ads from women in Ghana (???) looking for "generous" men who will marry them and help them re-locate here in the states. This top pick is from a Canadian gentleman and it is as follows:

"Looking for the special someone! SWM, 47, 5' 11", 160 lbs. Very good health, great shape. Non/smoker/drinker/drugs/gambling. Christian, believes in being faithful to one person in marriage. Love animals especially dogs. Enjoy old movies, drawing pictures, music, martial arts, long walks,nice restaurants. Looking for a very nice, single, beautiful, voluptuous,sexy woman, 30-42, 5'4"-5'9", 150 -200 lbs. ISO someone kinds, sincere,loving and romantic who has similar interests as well as her own. Searching for an easygoing, down to earth Mexican/Spanish woman, someone very much like the actress Salma Hayek. Also a Canadian American or Asian woman from Montreal would be nice. "

OK, ya had me till the drawing pictures and Salma Hayek part. And if Salma is not available you'll take an Asian woman? This guy sounds like a major redneck who wants a subservient doormat. PASS.

And finally, as an added bonus here is my favorite personal ad this week from a woman looking for a man. "Correctional Institution inmate, SWF 5'6", 135 lbs, educated, athletic, long legs, 36-28-36. Seeking older, secure gentleman who always wants the best for me. Knowing whether I'm silly or serious, frowning or smiling, I can turn to you and you'll always be there."....excuse me Ma'am?? What is in this for this guy besides the fact that you are educated and you have long legs ? You're in jail for crying out loud. Will that great brain of yours and long legs be running off with that older gentleman's bank account at first chance? I really don't think you should be expecting so much so soon. I'm not judging you, but maybe you should prioritize and look for a job first after you are released and THEN think about looking for a soul mate?

So there you have it kids, the week in review in a nutshell!

That's all for now :)

Dental Details and Bacon Love

As you can see, I went to the dentist today. It was AWESOME. The hygienist drove me crazy, she did not shut up throughout my entire visit. I actually felt like crying at one point from the stress of having to talk to her with my mouth half open. At one point, a spider landed on me and she batted it off screaming like a banshee. The rest of the time she was nervously looking around the room for the escaped spider while I sat there in that helpless position with the air hose sucking up my saliva and my mouth propped open like a beckoning invitation to that wayward insect.

I've got nothing for ya right now. I am obviously in a horribly foul bitchay mood right now. You know when every living thing annoys you? I am so there. Like "want to jump out of my skin" there. Did I mention that I've been getting really strange calls from David Duchovny lately too? I have no idea what that's all about. I actually bought a lottery ticket today so I would have hope for just a few hours till the drawing. Frankly, the way I feel right now....were I to win, I would just disappear off the face of civilization. I would run off and isolate like a weird reclusive Howard Hughs-esque freak. I would eat Bacon everyday, I would ban the phrase "hockey mom", I would wear obscenely expensive diamond teardrop earrings everyday and I would invent some incomprehensible and seriously flawed new self help theory that would make Oprah my disciple and the rest would be history.

Actually, speaking of Bacon (this word should always be capitalized in my opinion), I have decided to swear off men for the rest of my life and to replace them with Bacon. Bacon actually has met my needs over the years better than any man I have ever had a relationship with. It's always enjoyable, it makes any situation better, it sizzles if I want it to, it satisfies me 100% of the time. I never eat a piece of Bacon and feel lacking afterwards. Even cheap supermarket Bacon. There is simply no such thing as bad bacon. I am nearly a vegetarian but the one thing I will not surrender is my Bacon. I don't want to hear horror stories about the way it is obtained, please just let me have my Bacon. I've got nothing left at this point except my Bacon. Give me Bacon or give me death. Once, I was at this chi chi gourmet store called Dean and Deluca and they had this fancy Bacon from Ct, from a special smokehouse. It was "peppered" bacon. Huge thick slices that got a crispy pepper crust and made really really heavenly blt's. Anyway.....the day I bought it, some wonderful person had mismarked the packages to be priced at $1 instead of $10 each. I bought 6 glorious pounds of that bacon that day. It was the best day of my life, better than the day I met my ex-BF. My very favorite bacon in the world though (and I've tried a lot) is from Harringtons in Vermont. It is Cob smoked....it is faaaaabulous. I always buy at least 4 lbs when I am there. If I smoked I would need a cigarette after eating that Bacon, it's THAT good. .......sorry for the Bacon tangent there, just talking about it put me in a better mood. Ahhhhhh.

Stay tuned for my review of Friday nights "Dirty Papers"......you'll have to take a peek to find out what that's about!!!

That's all for now :)

David Duchovny, Cheating Bastard

Why hello there. You're looking awfully beautiful tonite. What's that you ask? Come closer my dear, I want to smell your scent and take you in. Would you like a glass of champagne to loosen up a bit? Oh, yes, I do enjoy posing nude in really awkward positions, it's one of my guilty pleasures. Before we get down to business here, I think I should tell you that I just entered a $40,000 rehab program called "The Meadows" in Arizona. No, I'm not on drugs. No I don't have an alcohol problem. Actually I love to cheat on my wife. I get a kick out of it. I've done it many times over the years and she has finally had it with me and that is why I

am at this rehab place.

Ever since my career hit the skids post X Files, cheating has provided me with that ego boost that I used to get from being a well known celebrity. Yeah, I have two small kids but I just couldn't help myself. Thank God someone came up with this ridiculous "Sex Addict" label or my marriage would be over! Phew! There is even an "expert" who says that as a sex addict, I am powerless, yes, powerless at controlling my urges! Can you believe it? Have I lucked out or what? This "expert" also said that (and I quote her) " a sex addict needs it, must have it, no matter with whom". I think I'm going to call up this expert and ask her what she's doing for lunch next week when I am out of this "rehab" place. She sounds pretty hot.

Oh yeah, there is also a story in the news as of today that there is actually a "cheating gene" found in men! Medical researchers actually spent their time finding this thing! Holy Shit! This is like Christmas, my Birthday and the Superbowl all at once! Finally! I don't have to own up to my shitty, selfish decisions!!! I CAN'T HELP IT!! The news and a sex/relationship expert says so! Do you realize what all of this means?? Well, the next time I cheat, and I will, it will be called ........A RELAPSE!! Somebody pinch me. I must be dreaming.

I am also trying to get my therapist to write me a note to take home to my wife that will justify my inability to pick up my dirty socks and underwear and take out the garbage. I have learned that my resistance to doing these things goes way back to my childhood when my mother used to withhold affection from me till I finished my chores. To this day, it is extremely painful for me to touch my underwear once it has dropped to the floor. Taking out the garbage sends me into hysterics and I never understood why till today. Isn't it great having an annoying , selfish quality that can be labeled as a mental illness or trauma related?

But enough about me. What about you? Lets slide into this nice warm Jacuzzi and just cuddle. What do you say? Did I ever tell you about this show I used to be on?