Up for your consideration today: the lovely little lady to the right of this paragraph. Get out your scan trons and your number two pencils because we are about to have a surprise quiz and here it is.
The woman on the right is....
A.) On her way to the airport for a spontaneous last minute overnight trip to Las Vegas
B.) Leaving her home to cat sit for two nights for her Aunt who is on a short vacation
C.) En Route to the Cheesecake factory for a quick bite with some friends.
If you chose C as the answer, you were correct and here is my issue with this......why are women carrying around these mammoth purses that warrant their own zip codes?? Am I the only one left who does not do this? My purse is about the size of a loaf of bread. I'll even clarify to avoid any confusion here that it is a wonder bread or pepperidge farm loaf of bread, not a 2 foot long french baguette that you could use to build a big sandwhich to serve at a Superbowl party for 25 people.
What are women carrying in these purses?? Will someone please tell me? I honestly need to know this. I am beginning to feel like there is some part of being a woman that I am not understanding or missing out on here. In my purse are the following things: a small wallet, keys, a cell phone, a pressed powder compact for freshening up, a lipstick or chapstick and maybe whatever medication I am taking if I am taking anything at the time. Oh, if I remember there is also a small tube of hand cream and a pony tail holder to use if I should want to pull my hair back for whatever reason. Once in a while there is a bottle of Advil just in case and that's really it.
I've seen celebrities with these shopping bag-like purses and I've seen the average woman with them as well. What is in there? Can you imagine looking for a quarter for the parking meter in that thing?? Or what about finding your ringing phone within that mighty fortress? I am imagining many pairs of shoes in there, maybe a folding chair and a small child or pet.
Because I am an oddball I have occasionally wondered whatever happened to Pluto since it's demotion from planet-hood a few years back. I am now suspecting that Jessica Simpson's stylist has lassoed it and sewn straps into it where it rests on the fashionable, trend setting shoulders of our Miss Jessica.
In closing, I would like to offer some strictly off the record advice to Jessica's family and friends. Should Jessica ever go missing,I would strongly suggest checking her sinkhole of a purse before you involve the proper law enforcement authorities. I believe it is entirely possible that she may have tripped on one of her trademark platform shoes, helplessly tumbled into her purse and be struggling to free herself from it's cavernous clutches as we speak.
That's all for now :)
5 comments:
Dear LMF,
I think my own bag may be bigger than a loaf of wonder bread, however, I probably carry around more meds and credit cards than you. Oh, and lets not forget the cigarettes, lighters, random packets of equal, splenda, and the little flossie thingie used to politely pick gross things from your teeth in mixed company. In fact, I only carry ONE key. But I do carry my check book (why I do that is beyond me; I mean, who even writes checks anymore?)
Bottom line is this: I totally agree that her purse is way too big, but I think its kind of like the income theory....the bigger your income, the more you spend. The bigger your purse, the more things you'll find to fill it up.
Oh, and someone should tell Jessie's chiropractor she'll be needing an extra adjustment or two in about a year.
Way to go, LMF.
SunnyPsych
LOL, you make some good points!! I can only hope that my income swells to the point where I too can look ridiculous with a giant sack around my arm. Oh to dream!!!
I wonder, if I carry a bigger bag, will I look smaller?
Patti! I laughed out loud. Actually, I think if I carried something that big around, I'd look like a bag lady.
LOL Patti!! I am on my way out to buy a suitcase!
Post a Comment