About Making Love And Fanny Packs.........

Last night I was on the phone with a friend, and during our conversation we somehow got to talking about words that we have an aversion to. I would imagine that most people have experienced this phenomenon at least once in their lives. Hearing a word or phrase that is like the scratching of fingernails on a blackboard and makes you shiver in disgust. It got me thinking about the words and phrases that are just never going to come out of my mouth.

My most hated word/phrase in the English language is .......MAKING LOVE. I could barely type it. Ever since I was very young and heard it, it bothered me. It has a creepy 1970's feel to it. It makes me think of a couple that has had too much marriage counseling and are trying really hard to recapture the magic that died long ago between them. I would also imagine a person who seriously uses this phrase to frequent dusty old "health food" stores that have a huge selection of homeopathic remedies and most of the stock is really old and smells and tastes like sawdust. I would like to track down the person who coined this awful phrase and shoot them dead center. My Bf of 8 years used this phrase ONCE in the very beginning of our courtship and my reaction to it was so violent that for the next 8 years he never uttered it again. He just knew not to. Anyone who uses this phrase is an idiot, plain and simple. If you're wondering what word I would prefer there really is none. I don't like the vulgar term for it and I can't imagine what I would feel good about calling it. Frankly, I've never really talked about it to people other than the person I'm doing it with so there is no need to call it anything. If you have to use that phrase, you're telling me things I just don't need or want to know about you to begin with. Oh and an honorable mention goes to "lover". This conjures up an image of a brainless person who has no purpose on earth other than to have sex with the person who refers to them as their "lover".

Coming in right behind Making Love is...... "Fanny pack". First of all, the very word "fanny" makes my skin crawl. It makes me think of swingers at a 1970's party or something. (I know, what is it with me and bad 1970's memories?). There is no way a fanny would not have an off smell to it. It is just the most awful word in existence. To add "pack" to the offending "fanny" is just the final nail in the coffin for me. Just look at the picture of the fanny pack lady. No one and I mean no one should ever wear anything even slightly resembling this tragic fashion mis-statement. While looking for a picture of someone wearing one of these God-awful contraptions I actually came across a hilarious website called "fannypackantics.com". (sorry for the inconvenience here but I still cannot figure out how to make a clickable link in this blog). It features nothing but photos and critiques of people wearing fanny packs. I honestly wish I had thought of this idea first, I am that entertained and tickled by it. I fully credit this blog for the above photo and I feel truly validated by it's very existence. Obviously I am not alone in my loathing for the fanny pack.

Runners up on my most loathed words list are: stink, panties, moist, pussy, vacay, portly, corpulent and "bff". I really do not like the overuse of the words awesome and amazing as of late too. I see this a lot on reality TV shows (which I very rarely watch). Everyone seems to refer to everyone else as "awesome", or "amazing" when it's simply not true. I also cannot stand fleshy, boob/boobie (unless it refers to a stupid person, I hate it when it refers to a female breast), butt, bottom, buttocks, rump, heinie and ass (there is no good word for that anatomical part), tummy, navel, bellybutton lunchmeat, yummy, goosebumps, titties or tits and finally the word "cum" in describing an orgasm. A little more obscure but still of note are galpal and diggs but those were predominantly used in people magazine articles in the 70's/80's and I think we are now safe from them rearing their ugly heads. Oh, and not a word but a phrase used by egotistical, self absorbed actors would be "honing my craft". Whenever I've heard an actor say this phrase in reference to becoming a better actor it just sounds ridiculous. Real people just don't use words like honing and craft on a daily basis. I am nearly positive that the people that use this phrase would probably not be able to explain what it actually means if asked.

Another phenomenon that I could not leave out of this is the tabloid media's habit of coming up with nicknames for celeb couples that combine both names. "Brangelina" in reference to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and "Bennifer" in reference to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez come to mind. Oh, and lets not forget the celeb nicknames like K-fed for Britneys' Spears ex husband, J Lo for Jennifer Lopez, LiLo for Lindsay Lohan...and the list goes on. Yes I DO get my dose of the Enquirer in and I am not denying it. . It is my guilty pleasure.

I will end on a slightly positive note here so you don't get the idea that I am a total CURMUDGEON (nice $10 word there eh?). There are actually many words that I like. Just a few are sultry, luminous, lustrous, fluffy, pillow, silky, effervescent, radiant......I can't think of more at the moment because they don't annoy me. The annoying things are the things that always stand out most in my mind and that was the point of of this entry to begin with, right? I now must leave you to make love with my lover while wearing my fanny pack fastened securely around my portly buttocks. It never fails to give me goosebumps all over my fleshy titties that resemble some sort of yummy stinky ass lunchmeat. (See what I mean?)

That's all for now:)