Yesterday was a rough one. I am used to spending the weekends with my man. I think I need to start calling him Ex-BF. I am just not ready to do that yet so please have some patience with me in my state of denial. OK, so back to yesterday. I knew I needed to get out of my apartment so I took a walk to the main shopping street here in my neighborhood. As I strolled around I thought, "today, I am going to buy some nice sleepwear". The word "sexy" never entered my mind. I was envisioning something very soft, not at all slippery (not satin, who the hell actually sleeps in those satiny frocks?) and comfy but nice looking as well. I looked in a few shops and I ended up at the venerable Victoria's Secret.
Now I am not a VS fan at all. I think their clothing is of very poor quality generally and everything there fits me very strangely but I went in anyway just for a look. Everything in that store has the word sexy in the name. Very Sexy perfume, sexy little things, sexy this, sexy that sexysexysexysexy. How can EVERYTHING be sexy? It's impossible. There has to be something unsexy there somewhere, no? I was approached by an individual who introduced herself as Monique. Monique was obviously transgendered and was just beginning the process of becoming fully female. Her voice, hair and manner was all girl but the rest of her was all man. Monique was sexy. I cannot really tell you why, you kind of had to be there, it was her attitude. She was confident, pleasant, warm and welcoming. She just had "it".
What is "it" you ask? People have been trying to answer that question for years and it turns out that "it" is highly personal. I came to find this out after years of self loathing as a chubby, dark haired teenager during the Christie Brinkley era. I also weathered the modeling careers of Cheryl Tiegs and Brook Shields. Thank God there was no plastic surgery for the masses back then. Who knows what I may have resorted to. I cannot imagine what girls are experiencing now with fake boobs, fake lips, hair extensions...you name it people do it now.
Anyway, I moved to a very large city when I was 20 years old. I was still chubby and considered myself to be highly unsexy. Honestly, I still wasn't sure what sexy was but at that time I was sure it involved mammoth breasts, a tiny barbie-esque waist, absolutely NO HIPS and lots of silky straight blonde hair. Oh, did I mention that my hair was a train wreck?? Well it was. Super thick, unruly, frizzy and dark. I felt like a hulking beast.
So back to my move. I was in college and I got a job as an "operator" for one of those one dollar a minute chatlines. The one I worked for was not porn oriented. It was just people chatting and my job was to be fascinating enough to get people to spend their money to keep talking to me. I had to pretend to be a caller, no one knew I worked for the company. It was at that time that I learned that my attitude completely changed everything about the way people saw me. When I did my deep throaty "Samantha" voice, men would stay on with me for hours. When I sounded perky and fun there were more women who hung out.
One early morning after work I was on my way home and I hailed a cab. I got in and my driver started chatting me up. He was an older man. 26 years older than me to be precise. He was magnetic. His voice was so
full of raw sexuality. I didn't really know it at the time but he was seducing me. I was a total virgin-esque dweeb, no man ever paid attention to me before this. It was scary but also exciting. Long story short, this man was my escort to sexytown. I remember thinking after one raunchy conversation...."you know Fussbudget, I think this person may find you sexy!" What to do??????
I had 8 years of on and off turbulence with this person. Good, bad, you name it but the main selling point of the whole thing was that I was no longer a disgusting blob, I was SEXY. I know it because he told me so often. He also liked my extremely pale legs that I was used to covering up and he even liked body hair. Quelle Horreur!! Today, everyone is waxed and plucked to within an inch of their lives! I did that back then but I never panicked if I forgot to shave or pluck around him. He loved it. He turned out to be a colossal asshole in many ways, but he really taught me that beauty and "sexy" comes in all shapes and sizes. I wish every young woman could experience someone like that man. I owe a lot to him for the perspective he gave me.
The very word sexy annoys me now. It is just so manufactured. Doing everything on earth to change who you really are (cosmetic procedures galore) is the farthest thing from sexy to me. I am not saying that I think people should just let themselves go, but I think things have really gotten out of hand and if people had a true love of themselves they would not be running to do even half the things they do to their faces and bodies.
Since the days of my 20 something youth I have learned a lot. I lost my chubby weight, got a grip on my hair and now, I think I'm quite the dish (most of the time). I went through a phase of dating people who were all wrong for me. There was Bobby the musician who had girlfriends on every continent due to his traveling to different performing gig's. There was Bill the sculptor who used to get up in the middle of the night and fired off random shots out the window at neighborhood thugs who tried to break into his car nightly. There was Will, a bisexual Quaker to was also president of the nude models for artists union. There was even a 19 year old I became entangled with when I was 32.Through it all, I was SEXY thanks to that first experience.
Today, I do not feel that sexy due to the breakup I am going through but even so, I have already been asked out. This is proof that sexy is a state of being. Once you get your sexy wings, they are always there. I don't need a stripper's pole in my bedroom, I don't need botox and I don't need $1000 couture shoes to attract someone. I'm sexy dammit, so take that.
That's all for now. :)
Now I am not a VS fan at all. I think their clothing is of very poor quality generally and everything there fits me very strangely but I went in anyway just for a look. Everything in that store has the word sexy in the name. Very Sexy perfume, sexy little things, sexy this, sexy that sexysexysexysexy. How can EVERYTHING be sexy? It's impossible. There has to be something unsexy there somewhere, no? I was approached by an individual who introduced herself as Monique. Monique was obviously transgendered and was just beginning the process of becoming fully female. Her voice, hair and manner was all girl but the rest of her was all man. Monique was sexy. I cannot really tell you why, you kind of had to be there, it was her attitude. She was confident, pleasant, warm and welcoming. She just had "it".
What is "it" you ask? People have been trying to answer that question for years and it turns out that "it" is highly personal. I came to find this out after years of self loathing as a chubby, dark haired teenager during the Christie Brinkley era. I also weathered the modeling careers of Cheryl Tiegs and Brook Shields. Thank God there was no plastic surgery for the masses back then. Who knows what I may have resorted to. I cannot imagine what girls are experiencing now with fake boobs, fake lips, hair extensions...you name it people do it now.
Anyway, I moved to a very large city when I was 20 years old. I was still chubby and considered myself to be highly unsexy. Honestly, I still wasn't sure what sexy was but at that time I was sure it involved mammoth breasts, a tiny barbie-esque waist, absolutely NO HIPS and lots of silky straight blonde hair. Oh, did I mention that my hair was a train wreck?? Well it was. Super thick, unruly, frizzy and dark. I felt like a hulking beast.
So back to my move. I was in college and I got a job as an "operator" for one of those one dollar a minute chatlines. The one I worked for was not porn oriented. It was just people chatting and my job was to be fascinating enough to get people to spend their money to keep talking to me. I had to pretend to be a caller, no one knew I worked for the company. It was at that time that I learned that my attitude completely changed everything about the way people saw me. When I did my deep throaty "Samantha" voice, men would stay on with me for hours. When I sounded perky and fun there were more women who hung out.
One early morning after work I was on my way home and I hailed a cab. I got in and my driver started chatting me up. He was an older man. 26 years older than me to be precise. He was magnetic. His voice was so
full of raw sexuality. I didn't really know it at the time but he was seducing me. I was a total virgin-esque dweeb, no man ever paid attention to me before this. It was scary but also exciting. Long story short, this man was my escort to sexytown. I remember thinking after one raunchy conversation...."you know Fussbudget, I think this person may find you sexy!" What to do??????
I had 8 years of on and off turbulence with this person. Good, bad, you name it but the main selling point of the whole thing was that I was no longer a disgusting blob, I was SEXY. I know it because he told me so often. He also liked my extremely pale legs that I was used to covering up and he even liked body hair. Quelle Horreur!! Today, everyone is waxed and plucked to within an inch of their lives! I did that back then but I never panicked if I forgot to shave or pluck around him. He loved it. He turned out to be a colossal asshole in many ways, but he really taught me that beauty and "sexy" comes in all shapes and sizes. I wish every young woman could experience someone like that man. I owe a lot to him for the perspective he gave me.
The very word sexy annoys me now. It is just so manufactured. Doing everything on earth to change who you really are (cosmetic procedures galore) is the farthest thing from sexy to me. I am not saying that I think people should just let themselves go, but I think things have really gotten out of hand and if people had a true love of themselves they would not be running to do even half the things they do to their faces and bodies.
Since the days of my 20 something youth I have learned a lot. I lost my chubby weight, got a grip on my hair and now, I think I'm quite the dish (most of the time). I went through a phase of dating people who were all wrong for me. There was Bobby the musician who had girlfriends on every continent due to his traveling to different performing gig's. There was Bill the sculptor who used to get up in the middle of the night and fired off random shots out the window at neighborhood thugs who tried to break into his car nightly. There was Will, a bisexual Quaker to was also president of the nude models for artists union. There was even a 19 year old I became entangled with when I was 32.Through it all, I was SEXY thanks to that first experience.
Today, I do not feel that sexy due to the breakup I am going through but even so, I have already been asked out. This is proof that sexy is a state of being. Once you get your sexy wings, they are always there. I don't need a stripper's pole in my bedroom, I don't need botox and I don't need $1000 couture shoes to attract someone. I'm sexy dammit, so take that.
That's all for now. :)
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