OK, let me just put this right out there and purge myself of this awful, awful truth. I HAD A SEX DREAM ABOUT ROD BLAGOJEVICH!!!! ACK! AAAAAAAAAACK! Take a good look at Joyce DeWitts expression in the post below and that is EXACTLY how I felt after waking up from this afternoon horror.
I use this blog as a personal sounding board and I don't pretend to be too cerebral or topic focused here. Either you can take it or I'm annoying as hell and you run away. With this recent turn of events, even I want to run from here like hell but I'm hoping that getting it out here will cleanse me of it mentally.
I think this may have been precipitated by too much sugar. Let me explain. Today, I was with my interpreter Miguel and we decided to go to Fairway for some grub. Fairway is a fabulous grocery store here in NYC. At one point, I meandered over to the bakery section. The bakery is not a crappy in store bakery. You can smell the butter and the offerings are something like you would make for yourself if you were a respectable baker. I love sweets with a passion, but I normally do not eat them except for my daily dose of chocolate. If I could live on one food and one food alone it would be a toss up between bacon and cake with fluffy icing. Today, I was feeling blah and stuck in that crappy mood that I told you about yesterday so I made my way to the cupcakes.
I love cupcakes. I love everything about them. They are your own personal dessert. No one can ask you to share your cupcake, for it is yours and yours alone. Anyone who does have the nerve to ask for some of your cupcake is a caveman and needs to be taught some manners in my opinion. Asking to share my cupcake is like asking to wear my underwear. It's that personal to me. Never, never ask me for some of my cupcake. Ever. Just do not ever do this. You have been warned. I love cupcakes so much that if someone I hated brought me cupcakes, I would reconsider my hatred for that person. So, me+ cupcakes= a very happy girl, established.
After we finished our shopping we got in the car and I ate my cupcakes. I bought two mini cupcakes, not the giant ones so it really wasn't a huge bingey thing for me...*dateline announcer voice*...OR SO I THOUGHT...I saw my last two patients for the day and made my way home. I became progressively tired and I felt a huge wave of exhaustion washing over me. My blood sugar levels were surely rebelling. The time has come for me to admit, I cannot eat crap anymore (*covers the ears of cupcakes so as not to hurt their feelings*) without paying a price.
As I entered my apartment I immediately got undressed. I usually do this normally, I am the just this kind of woman. I tear my bra off the minute the door is closed and I usually follow with a shower. It's a ritual, I have to wash the city off of me after running around in it all day and I need to decompress and feel comfortable. Today was just something else though. I couldn't even get into my comfy house clothes. I jumped into my bed nekkid and totally passed out.(I always nap nekkid but that's another issue) It was as if I was in some bizarre sort of coma state. I just could not move!
So here is the disturbing part. I was in one of those half awake, half asleep type of states. It was enough for me to know what was going on and I felt like what I was dreaming was really happening. So tell me this...what sick demented part of my sugar laden coma brain manufactured a sexual encounter with BLAGO? I am shaking just thinking about it. I had a feeling of repulsion while I was dreaming this and I even woke up with a grimace on my face! It was just the most unsettling dream I have ever had! I'm actually afraid to go to sleep tonight again! The REALLY icky part of it is, I was sooooo into him, I wanted this fab four delusional reject so badly! I am disgusted to admit, this but I absolutely could not get enough of him. I felt myself actually trying NOT to wake up from this raunchy debacle. There was a common sense element watching this in my brain that was horrified and ashamed but I went with it anyway. It was a bitter battle between my conscious and my subconscious self and people, IT GOT UGLY. Oh and in case you are a sick bastid and want to know, yes, he was VERY good. As a matter of fact, this douchebag took me to heights I have never reached before and the very thought of it simultaneously sickens and thrills me. People, this man was HOT HOT HOT. Just telling you about this makes me want to boil myself, it is that unsettling. Have you ever been simultaneously repulsed and turned on? Yeah, me neither. Talk about inner conflict.
Frankly, I am so grossed out right now by this I think I may not be able to eat a cupcake for oh...at least a week or so. If he was my elected official I would be furious with him and want him to sink into obscurity but as a National Enquirer loving bystander I think his delusional over the top persona is screaming out for his very own reality show. Food for thought. OK, that's enough, I need to move on and put this behind me. OMG, you want to hear the worst part? I was talking to a friend about someone after this "dream" and I actually referrred to the person we were discussing as "ROD"!!!! He seems to have permeated my brain! Even my friend admitted that he would probably be fun to hang out with. Dear God in heaven, what is happening to me here? The man has no forehead...AND I LOVED IT. *shivers*
I use this blog as a personal sounding board and I don't pretend to be too cerebral or topic focused here. Either you can take it or I'm annoying as hell and you run away. With this recent turn of events, even I want to run from here like hell but I'm hoping that getting it out here will cleanse me of it mentally.
I think this may have been precipitated by too much sugar. Let me explain. Today, I was with my interpreter Miguel and we decided to go to Fairway for some grub. Fairway is a fabulous grocery store here in NYC. At one point, I meandered over to the bakery section. The bakery is not a crappy in store bakery. You can smell the butter and the offerings are something like you would make for yourself if you were a respectable baker. I love sweets with a passion, but I normally do not eat them except for my daily dose of chocolate. If I could live on one food and one food alone it would be a toss up between bacon and cake with fluffy icing. Today, I was feeling blah and stuck in that crappy mood that I told you about yesterday so I made my way to the cupcakes.
I love cupcakes. I love everything about them. They are your own personal dessert. No one can ask you to share your cupcake, for it is yours and yours alone. Anyone who does have the nerve to ask for some of your cupcake is a caveman and needs to be taught some manners in my opinion. Asking to share my cupcake is like asking to wear my underwear. It's that personal to me. Never, never ask me for some of my cupcake. Ever. Just do not ever do this. You have been warned. I love cupcakes so much that if someone I hated brought me cupcakes, I would reconsider my hatred for that person. So, me+ cupcakes= a very happy girl, established.
After we finished our shopping we got in the car and I ate my cupcakes. I bought two mini cupcakes, not the giant ones so it really wasn't a huge bingey thing for me...*dateline announcer voice*...OR SO I THOUGHT...I saw my last two patients for the day and made my way home. I became progressively tired and I felt a huge wave of exhaustion washing over me. My blood sugar levels were surely rebelling. The time has come for me to admit, I cannot eat crap anymore (*covers the ears of cupcakes so as not to hurt their feelings*) without paying a price.
As I entered my apartment I immediately got undressed. I usually do this normally, I am the just this kind of woman. I tear my bra off the minute the door is closed and I usually follow with a shower. It's a ritual, I have to wash the city off of me after running around in it all day and I need to decompress and feel comfortable. Today was just something else though. I couldn't even get into my comfy house clothes. I jumped into my bed nekkid and totally passed out.(I always nap nekkid but that's another issue) It was as if I was in some bizarre sort of coma state. I just could not move!
So here is the disturbing part. I was in one of those half awake, half asleep type of states. It was enough for me to know what was going on and I felt like what I was dreaming was really happening. So tell me this...what sick demented part of my sugar laden coma brain manufactured a sexual encounter with BLAGO? I am shaking just thinking about it. I had a feeling of repulsion while I was dreaming this and I even woke up with a grimace on my face! It was just the most unsettling dream I have ever had! I'm actually afraid to go to sleep tonight again! The REALLY icky part of it is, I was sooooo into him, I wanted this fab four delusional reject so badly! I am disgusted to admit, this but I absolutely could not get enough of him. I felt myself actually trying NOT to wake up from this raunchy debacle. There was a common sense element watching this in my brain that was horrified and ashamed but I went with it anyway. It was a bitter battle between my conscious and my subconscious self and people, IT GOT UGLY. Oh and in case you are a sick bastid and want to know, yes, he was VERY good. As a matter of fact, this douchebag took me to heights I have never reached before and the very thought of it simultaneously sickens and thrills me. People, this man was HOT HOT HOT. Just telling you about this makes me want to boil myself, it is that unsettling. Have you ever been simultaneously repulsed and turned on? Yeah, me neither. Talk about inner conflict.
Frankly, I am so grossed out right now by this I think I may not be able to eat a cupcake for oh...at least a week or so. If he was my elected official I would be furious with him and want him to sink into obscurity but as a National Enquirer loving bystander I think his delusional over the top persona is screaming out for his very own reality show. Food for thought. OK, that's enough, I need to move on and put this behind me. OMG, you want to hear the worst part? I was talking to a friend about someone after this "dream" and I actually referrred to the person we were discussing as "ROD"!!!! He seems to have permeated my brain! Even my friend admitted that he would probably be fun to hang out with. Dear God in heaven, what is happening to me here? The man has no forehead...AND I LOVED IT. *shivers*
If there is a higher power I really hope that s/he will let me be and bring me some David Beckham or Simon Baker as consolation for the horror I endured this afternoon.
'Nuff said.
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