Courtship. What is this? Someone said the word "courting" to me yesterday when I was relating a budding friendship I am enjoying. She said, "ohhhh, you're being courted!" It made me laugh because it's not true at all but the statement did provoke some thought here.
I have always felt as if I was born at the wrong time, the wrong era or even century. Even though I fit in quite well, I have some wonderful relationships and I like my life just fine, there is something about the pace of the world that sometimes makes me feel off. Like I'm trying to catch up after being asleep for many years. So the courting thing came up and it made me wonder. What was it like when people actually courted and does anyone still actually do this?
In the dictionary, courting is described as "the act of wooing a woman". The very word "woo" makes me giggle. I don't think l I've ever been woo'ed in my entire life and I've had quite a few relationships and dated. The idea of being woo'ed makes me smile. From what I could gather, "courting" is also something that is seen in Christan circles. In this environment, it is something people do when their goal is marriage. With that, it involves no physical contact. The couple gets to know each other without physical intimacy and the resulting emotions that come from it which cloud their judgement. In other words, a guy who is really good sexually would not be able to get away with being a thoughtless, insensitive douchebag because there would be no sex to distract from his douchebaggery! Same goes for douchey women too, of course.
Come to think of it now, my ex and I did this. Oh not forever, it was for a 2-3 months when we first met. That seems like an eternity now. We used to just be together and talk and have dinners and watch movies and we would cuddle but there was nothing more. It wasn't that we didn't want each other because we really did, but I was determined to see what would happen if we did this and really got to know each other. It lasted for over 8 years and we are still in each others lives as the best of friends because our bond became so strong. I seriously wonder if we would have cemented our relationship like this had we been physical in the beginning. I've never waited that long for anyone and I've never had a relationship that good or lasting so I'm really wondering if not jumping into the physical aspect is what made this different from any relationship I ever had before or since. Coincidence? I really don't know. I am seriously verklempt though at the thought of my ex liking me as a human being so much that he was willing to wait because I was worth it to him. Don't think I'll ever see that again in my lifetime , so I feel grateful that I did get to experience respect and genuine, pure love from a man like that.
When I think of courting I think of the 1800's or the early part of the last century, the 1900's to the 1940's. It makes me think of a couple sitting on a porch (otherwise known as a veranda or in the parlour on a couch called a settee) with the girls mother and father nearby and lemonade and cookies being served. The couple in question are always supervised and the boy/man is called a "gentleman caller". It seems so sweet to me and old fashioned. It makes me want to use words like "gingerly" or "genteel" or even "milquetoast". Milquetoast is a truly stellar word that I think is greatly underused considering all the milquetoasts in this world.
Anyway, the way things are now is bordering on tragic and when I think about it, it is truly no surprise that people get married and divorced at an alarming rate. I'm not a person who thinks about marriage. I never played wedding when I was a kid and I never imagined myself doing it. I'm sure there are many reasons why I am like this, but I'm more into partnerships and I like the idea of going through life with a "partner in crime", you know? In comparison, I think the fact that people sleep together immediately doesn't help. I've been guilty of this so I'm not being judgemental or prissy but thinking about it, I see why it totally shifts the dynamic and changes the way two people relate and even listen to each other. Why can't anyone wait for a few dates? I've dated men who expected some action on the very first or second date and when they didn't get it they gave up on me. There was one that gave me an ultimatum! I was very young, early 20's and I had only gone out with the guy twice. He demanded sex and when I said no he said goodbye. If he had not been such a colossal douchebag and demanded it, he very well may have gotten it. The funny part is, that after we parted it began to snow furiously and it was 2 am. I got into my apartment and was all settled and cozy and my phone rang. I let the machine pick up. It was said douchebag leaving a message begging me to pick up the phone because he was locked out of his apartment and had no where to go at that time of nite. He was basically stranded in the snow. My friends, I had always wondered if Karma existed but that night, it was confirmed for me that it did indeed.
Much of dating now is people looking for something that doesn't even really exist and having completely unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is or will be. Internet dating or "dating from home" has really added a whole new dimension to the whole issue too. I think that many people who do this have the notion that there is always someone better than the person they are talking to and it almost becomes addictive, always looking forward to the next "high" from the next person hence, people rarely make any real headway or form any true friendships or relationships. Everything is disposable, including people.
The thing that bugs me the most is that no one wants to work or wait for anything anymore. It's instant gratification or on to the next. I wonder why so many people seem so shallow now and so unable to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions? No one seems to want to wait for anything. It reminds me of that crazy beeatch who called 911 because she ordered a combo meal at Mcdonalds and they were out of McNuggets and she wanted those damned Mcthings Mcbadly enough to get the Mcpolice involved. There was another woman who called 911 when her Chinese food was delivered and it was the wrong order. Then there was the wingnut who started it all with a lawsuit against McDonalds after driving around with a hot cup of coffee between her legs, which burned her severely. And she won! Unbelievable! And these people were serious. It makes me Mcfurious to even think about it.
I sometimes think that if I could get into a time machine and go back to 1898 I would. Sure, there were some pretty bad things about being a woman then and I would probably end up in jail or on the lam with my bold personality and big mouth but I wish I could experience the niceties of that time and see what it was really like.
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