Christmas Ear Worms

Last night, I had a hilarious conversation with my good friend about Christmas music. It all started because I was in the grocery store chatting on my phone with her and all of a sudden a horrible song came over the piped in music and I started to cringe and plead for it to stop. This gem was none other than that god forsaken "Wham" ear bomb "Last Christmas". You know it, I know you do, it goes like this Laaaaaaaast Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it awaaaa-aaaay.Thiiiiiiis year to save me from tears. I'll give it to someone speciaaaaaaal". This song just sticks in my brain for hours and hours, days even, and quite frankly, it blows dogs for quarters. This got us talking about bad Christmas music. We came to an agreement on our top most hated songs and they are as follows.

5.) Bruce Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". What the hell Bruce Springsteen? I'm not a fan of yours but I think this is really lame and it makes me want to punch you. I hate that fake bluesy horn solo, Clarence Clemmons should be ashamed of himself as well. OMG, I truly loathe this song intensely. Take that hat off and stop acting foolish. Please.





4.) "This Christmas", written by the super talented Donny Hathaway and sung by everyone from Christina Aguilera to that nasty woman beater Chris Brown. It goes something like this (cheesy horn intro....da da da da da.....da da da da daaaaaaa) "Hang all the mistletoe, I'm gonna get to know you better,yeah THIS CHRISTMAS"....UGH. This song just bugs me intensely. I hate it. I can't tell you why, I would imagine a creepy guy to be singing it to a girl he doesn't have a chance with . I HATE it.



3.) "Merry Christmas Darling" by The Carpenters. "Merry Christmas Darling, Happy New Year toooooooooaaaaahhhhhhhhh" OK, I realize that Karen Carpenter's voice has been praised by many as a beautiful instrument but it honestly makes me feel like I am counting down backwards from 100 with the surgical team hovering around me in anticipation of me falling unconscious so they can slice me apart.





2.) Wham's "Last Christmas. First of all, I seem to be forever ruined for George Michael by his solicitation of public bathroom sex with unattractive men and every time I hear of him or see him I immediately think of that. Now I do not care what anyone does but it's just an association that I seem to have that ruins anything George Michael for me. I'm not a big George Michale fan before but I'll admit, I adored Wham as a teenager. Yes that's right, Wham. Andrew Ridgely, bless you wherever you are. I'd rather be listening to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go than this crap. Note the puffy highlighted hairdon't George Michael is sporting. Long Live the early 80's!







1.) And the number one worst Christmas song of all time for me is Sir Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas ". "We're simply, having a wonderful Christmas time".Really Paul McCartney? Really? Are you really seriously singing this piece of shit as a legitimate Christmas song? You're a Beatle God Damn it! I expect WAY more from you than this embarrassment. I totally fell out with you during your "Wings" years but I managed to forgive your transgressions and now this? I heard a comedian describe the beginning of this song so perfectly it made me laugh till my sides hurt. He said " This song sounds like two Casios fucking." I completely agree with this assessment. What a horrible song from such a talented man. I am just speechless. This song makes me want to tear my hear out, boil my ears and smash whatever it's coming out of. 'Nuff said.




What the hell ever happened to the Nat King Cole, Sinatra type of Christmas music? Even that great Vince Guaraldi stuff, you know the Charlie Brown soundtrack? now THAT, That my friends is Christmas music! Oh, I forgot to mention that god awful Mannheim Steamroller shit. Can you believe they are on TOUR? WTF? Is there even a "they", it seems like one guy performing musical masturbation on computerized equipment. Please tell me this is not an actual legitimate"band" of some sort.You know their "Deck the Halls?" OMG, why is this on every third song everywhere I go? I just have nothing else to say.


Bonus Ear Worm:


OMG, there is nothing worse than this , just nothing. I totally agree with the poster who said this Christmas+ "The final Countdown"= Mannheim Steamroller. I have nothing else to add to this. I am just amazed that people go to watch this stuff live. What is to watch? I refuse to believe anyone I know and love would think this is legitimate entertainment and anyone who does needs counseling STAT.