Me, Myself and Irene

Dateline: December 17 Th, 2009.
Time 2:30 AM.
Setting: My bed, snuggled in deeply in a coma-like state.

All of a sudden. I woke up. I wear earplugs. I know, its my quirk. I cannot fall asleep or maintain it if there is noise so I wear them to get a solid sleep but something jolted me into consciousness at this time. I popped out my earplugs and didn't hear anything so I began to go back to sleep and I became aware of a pounding noise. It was insistent and at regular intervals. Being in NYC, this didn't seem entirely strange to me. There is always someone up doing something no matter what time of day it is. If it was a weekend, that would be me. When I am not on a work schedule I am easily up till 4 AM. All of a sudden I heard a very faint, very weak and muffled : "help. someone help me." That was enough to make my hair stand on end. After a few minutes of this I realized that the cries were coming from above me and it all began to make sense. It was Irene, the elderly lady who lives on the second floor. She is extremely feeble and has been alone since her equally feeble husband ,Frank, had a stroke and is now in a nursing home. I realized that she must have been having a "help I've fallen and I can't get up moment".

The thing about Irene is, she refuses to accept help of any kind. Frank is the same way. They are old school NY'ers. Frank was a cabdriver, Irene was a waitress. Irene had flaming red hair and was a beauty. Frank was a gruff, no nonsense, Yankee loving guy. The kind of guy you would see in one of those old movies set in NYC. A real character. Really cranky, the word "curmudgeon" comes to mind. In all the years I've lived here, that man never once exchanged pleasantries with me. He would talk to my Ex about the Yankees in detail but me? No, he had no use for me. Irene once said to me "didn't you used to be really fat?" Yes Irene, I did. And now I'm not. But thanks for noticing.

Recently, I saw her and asked her how she was. She lamented being old and I told her to please let me know if she needed anything. I offered to shop for her, do her laundry, help her in anyway I could. She thanked me but I knew she would never contact me. As far as knocking on her door, she refuses to answer or let anyone in so that is not an option here. On this night though, she was asking for help from her locked apartment. Her voice was coming from the under the front window so I assumed she fell. I called 911. Within a few minutes the fire department was here, as were the police and the EMS guys. Over the next two hours they rang my bell intermittently to get in and out of the building. Eventually they got to her by using the fire escape and crawling through her window. Mind you, I was awake this whole time and tired beyond belief. I wasn't sure what happened but it got quiet and I got about 45 minutes of sleep before my alarm went off.

As I was leaving for work I heard a shrill voice calling out in the second floor hallway. It stopped at regular intervals and started up again. It went like this: "Duane...Duane...Duane...Duane...". Yes, it was Irene again calling out to the guy who lives across the hall from her. I heard someone come out and ask her what was wrong and I left. The next morning, it happened again.I could not stop thinking about this all day though. It made me so sad . I called my landlord and asked him is there was any family we could contact. He said no, she has none left. I thought about calling adult protective services but I'm going to talk to a social worker friend of mine first and determine what the best, least intrusive way to help her might be.

The scary thing is, I can totally see myself in her position in another 30 or 40 years and it freaks me the hell out. Working in home health care with elderly people, I see how people end up this way and it has been giving me nightmares lately after all this Irene drama. Ideally, I would love to die at a ripe old age while eating high quality dark chocolate and in the company of a 30 something gentleman who adores me and my wacky old lady ways. I'd like to be one of those old ladies who makes people say "wow, I hope I'm like her when I'm old". I expressed my fears to my ex and he said "there is no way you are going to end up like that". I questioned him "why?" And he responded 'because you are gonna die way before then". He was kidding but I was actually relieved to hear it.

Have you ever thought about how you'll be when you're old? I have and I think that as long as my mind doesn't betray me, I am going to be really eccentric and lively. Sort of like I am now but the elderly version. I'm actually looking forward to not caring about what others think at all. I'm 2/3 of the way there now, but I have a little further to go. In my 40's, I am sexier and more confident than I've ever been and I look better than I have ever looked in my entire life. One of the things I really enjoy is the ability to see sex and men as something enjoyable apart from all the emotional stuff that I used to get all wrapped up in. I'm really learning how to live fully in the moment. No, I am not a filthy whore, thankyouverymuch, but I now see people as experiences and I realize that not everyone is meant to be with me forever but with the forever ones, there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I feel lucky to have a few very close friends who I am sure will be with me till one of us dies. I wonder if Irene had that? I don't think she did from what I know. She and Frank were hermits for many years and never had children either.They totally closed themselves off from the world in a scary way. This is something I am determined not to do. Hopefully there will be someone there to answer my cries should I fall and not be able to get up someday. I would be more likely to be yelling out "Awww SHIT! I'm down people! Can someone help me get my sexy ass up?" In any event, this has really made me think about the kind of person I'm growing into and whether I will be someone that people will want to check in on or not.

That's all for now :)