OK, this week I got to thinking about scandal. You know, high profile people who get themselves in the paper and on T.V for their personal indiscretions? I was thinking about this because David Letterman was in the news for this very thing last week. I titled this post as I did because schadenfreude is defined as "delighting in the misfortune of others". I know, it sounds really awful doesn't it? It happens quite a lot though in our world today and these types of scandals are prime examples of this phenomenon. Eventually I will come up with a positive spin on this and use the Buddhist concept of "mudita". This is defined as "sympathetic joy" or "happiness at anothers good fortune". For now though, this seems to lend to a bit more fun, no harm intended.
Apparently Letterman had flings/sex whatever with female staffers who worked for him. A man who was in a relationship with one of the women Dave slept with decided that his own personal debt and financial responsibilities to his ex wife and kids were too much to bear so he chose to come up with a plan to extort money from Dave. Problem was, Dave called him on it and came out with the whole story, admitted everything and was not falling for the bribe this guy was counting on. He even made a joke out of it. Now here's the thing for me. Is anyone, I mean ANYONE shocked at David Letterman sleeping with female staffers? I mean come on. I would be more shocked if he didn't and frankly I do not care. Unless someone was drugged or raped or forced into it, how is this a scandal? Dave wasn't even married when it was happening. The only thing this whole ordeal accomplished was that it made the guy who came up with this genius extortion plot look like a complete tool and I feel sorry for his kids at having this douchebag for a father. This wasn't even worth the time it took to tell the story.
Looking back, I'm recounting my all time favorite scandals and I challenge anyone to disagree with the juiciness of these events.
My top scandals are(to be done as a Letterman top ten list even though there are not 10 listed here)......*drum roll
6.)Bill Clinton's Monica Lewinsky"I did not have sexual relations with that woman" with honorable mention going to "I did not inhale"when discussing smoking weed. Lets be honest, I love this man, I do. I know he is a horrible hypocrite and has made some really terrible choices and has questionable judgement. I loved how people were "shocked" at a president cheating. This has been happening for many many years. The difference was, Clinton was really stupid about it and got caught. This was not the "best" scandal but it was definitely the most sensationalized.
5.) Republican senator Larry Craig and his "wide stance"explanation in denial of soliciting gay sex in a public restroom. OK, these types of scandals are particularly good, I relish them. They just might be my favorite type of scandal ever. I love it when a really *republican Conservative family values* type of guy gets caught with another man. It is infinitely better than him getting caught with a woman. People that are judgemental, rabid haters of anything deserve this type of public humiliation in my opinion. Craig basically stuck his leg in another mans stall in the bathroom and tried to solicit sex from him. He later explained that he was doing nothing of the kind and that he just had a particularly "wide stance" and was trying to pick up a piece of paper. The wide stance was his reason for his leg being in another mans stall. Yes, "wide stance". Good try dude. Good try. On an even better note, someone is currently trying to bring a play called "Wide Stance" about this whole situation to Broadway. Is this not delicious?
4.) Ted Haggard, Evangelical preacher, soliciting a male prostitute as well as doing crystal meth with his prostitute/boyfriend. He basically did this with the same guy for 3 years. The meth just added to the greatness of this one. Here is a guy so repressed and gay hating that after this scandal he went into "counseling" with four yes FOUR ministers who tried to "cure" him of his gayness. Do I detect shades of "Bruno"anyone? He even made an appearance on Oprah with his wife to get it all out in the open. Anyone who goes on Oprah is at a level of desperation and damage control that is at peak intensity. This gayness, it's an evil thing, dontcha know? It needs to be wiped out according to these folks. One of the ministers actually declared him "completely heterosexual" after his sessions. Haggard himself has recently said that he is "a heterosexual with issues"....................... *and the Fuss wrinkles her nose and moves on to the next*.............................
3.) I really don't know if I would call this one a scandal per se and there is absolutely NO schadenfreude at all in this one but Travis the Chimp losing his shit and ripping off his owners best friends face is totally up there for me. It is up there because of the way this animal was raised. His owner appears to be a seriously crazy woman. She socialized this chimp to the point where he was toilet trained, opened doors with keys, dressed himself (he wore clothes?), fed his owners horses and watered plants. He also ate at the table, drank wine from a stemmed glass (SHE GAVE HIM WINE?), logged onto the Internet and used it, used a T.V. remote and watched baseball, drove a car and brushed his teeth with a waterpik. His owner even took baths with him and they slept in the same bed. WHOA. Basically, he went insane and ripped his owners best friend face off, literally. In this case, I am not going to blame the animal. It is obviously not the fault of the chimp, the owner is the one whose sanity is in question. She gave him xanax earlier that day. And who takes a bath and sleeps with a chimp? No matter how lonely I've been, it never occurred to me to do this. Oh sure, I've dated guys that were probably not half as charming or good looking as this chimp and I even slept with a few of them in my darker moments but........a chimp? No, no, never in a million years. Sorry, nope.
2.) BLAGO! Ahh yes, my personal fave. As you know from my former posting on this man, I sort of have a thing for him. I can't explain it, it only happens when I am sleeping, it is that buried in my subconscious. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich basically was arrested on federal corruption charges. He was accused of conspiring to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery. What does all this mean? Well, after our sitting president Barack Obama was elected to the office of president, Blago tried to "sell" Obama's vacated senate seat to the highest bidder. And he got caught. Now I'm not excusing this at all, it is WRONG, plain and simple but I am going to assume that this kind of thing goes on all the time and that he was not the first to do this. That said, he was an incredibly corrupt man in many ways according to all the information out there on him and his activities. The trial is set for June 3, 2010 and I will be there with bells on, or at least I will be putting in for vacation at that time and I shall watch it in fascination with snacks and my comfy sweats on.
At the peak of the scandal, Rod went on a two day media campaign and appeared on Today, The View, The Early Show, Good Morning America, Fox News , CNN, MSNBC where he insisted on his innocence and proclaimed that he would be vindicated. I think he may have actually believed what he was saying and this was the best part of it all. He was so incensed that anyone would accuse him of the things that he had actually done that he denied it all the way. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence, he continued to feverishly deny it all. His delusional persona seemed to be everywhere at the time, it was impossible to escape. It became comical, a freak show, if you will. Just seeing his face made people shake their heads and/or laugh. Impeachment proceedings resulted in his conviction and he was removed from office.
Some interesting little tidbits on this one, Rod actually insisted that his aides carry around a big hairbrush for him at all time so he could maintain his hairstyle. An article in the Chicago Sun times suggested that several psychologists believed that his hairstyle may be indicative that he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. His wife Patti actually appeared on the T.V reality show "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" last year. Rod himself starred in a Second City musical titled "Rod Blagojevich Superstar". Oh and by the way, Blago admitted that he actually considered offering Obama's vacated senate seat to Oprah. Yes, Oprah. Chris Matthews even agreed with him on this one. Hmmmmm.
1.)And the top scandal coming in at #1 for me is......************drum roll*************************** Self righteous, rabidly anti prostitution New York State Governor Elliot Spitzer gets caught with high priced hookers! Oh my, now this, this was a good one. Here was a man who was loathed by many many people. A man who became known as "client # 9" to his hooker bookers. He even used the name of a very close friend of his as an alias. The ego of this man was and is just unbelievable. One particularly juicy tidbit that was released was that Spitzer wore "calf length black socks while performing the sex act". WOW. Are you as turned on as I am? The best part of this is, Spitzer made somewhat of a career in busting prostitution rings and in being Mr Morality over the years. He screwed over quite a few people who didn't deserve it in trying to make a name for himself and the schadenfreude component to this one was just over the top. I remember reading that people were literally skipping down the halls at the state capital in Albany after this one broke. Not a single person felt bad for this man but plenty felt terrible for his beautiful wife who, as usual stood by his side looking frozen from the shock of it all.
I'm going to conclude with an honorable mention of former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy and his "I am a gay American" speech . This was a pretty entertaining one but I never really felt anything for either party here. The former Gov made the mistake of appointing his boyfriend as homeland security advisor for New Jersey. This guy had absolutely no qualifications to do this at all and I think that was the beginning of the end for Jim. During his messy divorce trial a former aid to the gov came out and said that he had been having a three way affair with the gov and his wife for years. The gov confirmed this and the wife obviously denied it. When the scandal broke, he went on T.V and gave an over wrought speech about his situation and the best line was "And so I stand here before you, as a GAY AMERICAN"...it was just great. I could not take my eyes off the screen. The whole gay American thing was hilarious to me. His wife had a weird half smirky smile and people commented about her off expression for weeks. Both parties made the requisite Oprah appearances. He is now studying to be an Episcopalian priest and has a male partner. She seems really bitter and was pushing her book for a while.
Oh there was one more Gov scandal that I barely want to mention. Remember the one with the South Carolina governor Mark Sanford disappearing for 6 days in June 2009? He reappeared and admitted that he had been in Argentina with a woman he had been having an affair with? This stupid man turned off his state and personal phones and did not respond to any messages for an entire week. People thought he was missing. He was supposed to be governing his state for Christ sake! Had he maintained contact the whole thing probably would have gone unnoticed. In the following weeks he made some really over the top statements about this woman being his soul mate etc etc, really TMI sort of admissions. He just needed to shut up and stop talking. He annoyed the crap out of me and even giving him space here is making me irritated. 'Nuff said on that one.
So there you have it. I'm popping my popcorn and settling in for the next show. It's going to be a long cold winter and I have a feeling a good one is brewing!
That's all for now :)
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