OK, so lately it's been crazy here. What with my erroneous health issues and now balloon boy I just don't know where to start. Since I've been out of touch maybe I'll bore you with a lil' hodgepodge of stuff, k? (the pic featured here is in a video posted below, it's my "feelgood" thing lately)
The bad...
1.) Balloon boy. The only good part about this debacle is that it is providing us with a much needed break from the whole Jon and Kate circus.Wow, this is just unbelievable to me. I'm not really engrossed in it but from what I understand, two people who seem to be dipshits of a very high order managed to reproduce and decided to whore out their 6 year old kid for fame and fortune. Yep, true story. Apparently they staged a stunt that cost many thousands of dollars and shut down a major airport by pretending that their son was lost in a flying balloon. It was all a hoax. You know what? I hate these people, I really do. The thing that kills me is that their douchebag lawyer made a nasty comment that maybe the police should "slap the cuffs on them in front of their kids", as if the police were the ones with the problem! THE NERVE! These selfish assholes deserve to be humiliated and embarrassed. To me it is the height of arrogance and self centered narcissism for a person to actually shut down an airport and prey on the good nature of others to help them when the entire stunt was all...a stunt. I want to see their mug shots on the back of my cereal box next to the offer for a free coffee mug with proof of purchase. I am so glad that their own son got them busted by admitting on TV that it was done for a show. What did they expect? Did they really think a 6 year old would understand the nuances of the media storm that they intentionally created? Their stupid lawyer even made another derogatory comment that the police were creating a"'media circus"!!!! Um, earth to stupid lawyer! Your fame obsessed clients are the reason this whole thing is happening! They are the ones that actually CREATED the "media circus"to begin with!!!! WOW. I need to shift topics. I feel a blood vessel in my head about to burst. Or maybe that's balloon bopping into me. Lets ask the Heeney's.
2.)Donnie Osmond on Dancing With The Stars. OK, I have a really irrational hatred of Donnie. I don't know where it comes from but every time he is on something I get really uncomfortable and I need to change the channel and get away from him. He really makes me twitchy and he brings out a scary unfocused rage in me. Sort of like an epileptic person gets around flashing lights, you know? I can almost feel a seizure coming on, he bugs me that much. I have watched this show for years now. And now,this. The worst part is, he's a pretty good dancer and I fear that he is going to be in the finals. You know what I really want? I want a Donnie Osmond sex scandal. I really do. I think this would be the only thing that would make me like him. He's like a live Ken doll. I'll bet there is nothing there where his manparts ought to be. Ewwwww. 'nuff said.
3.)My favorite tea was discontinued. Yes, it's true. At the risk of sounding like a snooty priss, my favorite tea got the axe at teavana. Now mind you, I was never a tea drinker. I hate coffee, soda, etc etc. I only drink water. so last winter I had the blues and was trying to drop a few pounds so I decided to make tea a part of my life. I wanted to be a "gentlewoman". You know, like out of one of those turn of the century novels? I envisioned myself coming home at night, throwing a log on the fire, putting my horse up for the night with my sexy ,muscled stable boy Ezekiel and settling into my billowy white sleeping gown whilst my servant girl Hannah brushed my hair 100 strokes by candlelight before I gently settled into my large ornately carved oak bed on a cold winters night. With this totally realistic vision in mind, I tutted off to teavana.com in search of something a bit more exciting than Lipton. I ordered a few varieties but the one I totally fell in love with was Rose Marzipan.It looks gorgeous, it has dried whole roses in it, candied violets, toasted pistachios and macadamias and smells like bitter almond and roses. I've never had anything like it. When I drink this tea I feel special. I feel like a lady. It calms me and the scent alone is just mesmerizing. Add some honey to it and it tastes like loukhoum. It is fabulous. Imagine my horror when I went to re buy and it was GONE. I freaked out, called up the company and they confirmed that yes, they are thoughtless crazy assholes and did discontinue it. It would totally be gone forever in 2 days! I called a few stores and luckily scored some and I am praying that it lasts well. When it is gone I will cry pretty hard.
4.) I finally found Giant Cheetos and they are nowhere as good as I imagined they would be. For some reason I have a really terrible weakness for Cheetos. I can't explain it but I just do. When I was a kid my mom even gave me a bag wrapped up in wrapping paper for Christmas as a joke. It was the best present I got that year. Miguel, my interpreter, even gets me a 25c bag as a snack a few times a week. He is trained to get that small bag because I am a filthy animal with those things and have no self control. It's all about portion control, the small bag satisfies me, more makes me sick and fills me with self loathing for losing control with them. So when cheetos came out with Cheetos GIANT I was trembling like a virgin on her wedding night at the mere thought of a huge cheeto. It seemed like the Hugh Jackman of snacks. Could a snack possibly be this sexy and enticing? Was I really the size queen I seemed to be turning into? I found them after months of searching and I I have to say, the beauty of Cheetos is in the crunch from the surface area. there is more crunch in a smaller 'to. Larger 'to's are too styrofoamy and a huge disappointment. Word to the wise, this was a great idea in theory but poorly executed. As a self appointed designated snack consultant I feel that it is my duty to tell you that crunchy Cheetos are the way to go in the end for maximum satisfaction.
The Good:
1.) The cold weather prompted me to make my famous Lentil soup and yes, it is every bit as good as I remember! I posted this here before last fall but it bears repeating...
Tomato-Coconut Lentil Soup
1 onion diced
3-4 cloves garlic chopped or crushed
3 TB olive oil
1 Tablespoon cumin
1 tsp turmeric
2 tsp oregano
1 tablespoon gr coriander
2 tablespoons fresh (or three TB dried) mint.
1 Tablespoon smoked paprika (optional but I love it)
1 tsp white pepper (optional)
1 cup red lentils. (must be red, they will dissolve and thicken the soup)
1 cup green lentils
1 (28 oz) can tomato puree or stewed tomatoes (puree gives better texture)
1 (15 0z) can coconut milk (I use the low fat one)
salt to taste
Saute the onions and garlic, add the spices and cook a bit till the rawness is diminished and they are slightly toasted.( I also like to add a chopped chipotle and a bit of the juice it's in or a few shakes of chipotle Tabasco to spice it up but this is totally optional) Add 4 cups water (or broth if you are not making this vegetarian), add the green lentils and cook till they are almost done with the lid on...( I cook them for about 45 min to an hour) now add the red ones and you will need to add more water...add just enough for them to cook. This will be very thick but you will be adding other liquid in a bit so do not worry, you can always adjust liquid later. Now, cook the red lentils for about 20 minutes, they will dissolve and thicken the soup even more....add a bit more liquid if needed and now add tomatoes and the coconut milk and salt to taste, cook for about 10-15 more minutes till everything is combined. YUMMO.
2.) I have finally realized after years of self doubt and driving my friends crazy with analyzing the behaviors of others that yes, it's really not me, it's "them". The actual "thems" shall remain nameless, this statement in all it's simplicity and mystery may speak to the "thems" that are reading this out there. Or it may not.
3.) Ok, I know that admitting this is a testament to my lameness but I am totally in love with 2 new commercials for the New York State Lottery game "Sweet Millions". I am not a softie at all, kids and pets generally do not tug at my heart strings just by virtue of being a kid or a pet but every time these commercials cue up I run to watch them. The funny part is, my 250 lb burly male co-worker said to me the other day, "OMG, that commercial with the baby piglets and bunnies is so fuckin' cute, I love it". Then I got a delivery and as the UPS guy rang my bell and I opened the door, it was on my TV and even he said, 'ohhhh, the bunnies, I love this one!". So whoever came up with this one, you got me.
The song in one of them goes like this...
If you were a candy man
with eyes made of gumdrops
a heart filled with marzipan
then I'd tell you so soft
that I wouldn't share
'cause no one can have you but me
you're so sweet
you're so sweet.
Look at these and tell me that they not the cutest things you've seen in ages. The whole scenario is just so adorable and well, I'll go so far as to call it "precious". It's something that would normally make me throw up a little in my mouth from the cuteness overload of it all. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm being taken in by baby piglets in their pajama's and corny music but I am. I want someone to get down on one knee and sing this to me. Yes, I really do.
BUNNIES IN TEACUPS AND ON UNICYCLES!!!
PIGLETS IN THE BUNKBEDS! CUUUUUUUUUTE!
4.)OK, as if we can recover from that cuteness above, This just in, Octomom, crazy attention whore mother of 8, publicly admitted that she has a crush on Jon Gosselin, crazy attention whore father of 8. I am hungrily rubbing my hands together and dying of glee here. The very image of them having 16 kids for the weekend tickles me. I am sitting here with baited breath eagerly awaiting their sex tape. These two are human roaches, please dear God in heaven, let this match happen. I've got nothing else going on in my life. The thought of this train wreck is the only thing I've got to live for right now. Forget 2112, THIS would signify the end of the world.
5.) Honey Crisp apples. Mmmmm! I am not a big apple fan but I went to the farmers market today and got some of these and WOW. I challenge anyone not to like these. They are so snappy crisp, sweet with some tart, the juice literally dripped down my hand while I was eating this apple. I have never had an apple do that before. Major props to the almighty honeycrisp apple! *fist pump*
6.) It's that time of year again and IHOP has pumpkin pancakes again! YAAAAAY! I had some today and yes, the tradition lives on and they are every bit as wonderful as I remember.
OK, that's about enough for now. Wish me luck with my appt this week . I am a bit nervous and anxious about it. I will report back when it's over and I'm able to get online again!
:)
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