Full Circle

Yesterday, at the bank, a woman told me she loved me. She was pretty much a stranger to me and I to her. After she said it to me, I said it back and I truly meant it. Let me tell you what happened.

14 years ago after my mom died my entire life was a complete mess. I posted about this here before so I don't want to rehash it all but at this time I was jobless, getting kicked out of my apartment, my friends had pretty much deserted me, I was 89 lbs overweight and I was severely alone and depressed. I had nothing to my name except for a $2000 bank check from my mom's bank account that was mine after she died. I took that check to my local bank to open an account since my previous bank was upstate. The woman standing at the service counter that day took one look at me and offered to let me come in and sit in one of the cubicles with her so she could help me. I had been crying pretty much all day and nite, I looked like such a wreck. I sat down and she asked me what she could do for me. I explained that I had this check and I needed the money ASAP so I could move into a new apartment since my roommates were kicking me out and I only had two weeks to find something. I began to cry. And I cried. And cried. And cried. She never judged me, as a matter of fact, she took out a box of Kleenex and handed it to me and she let me cry my eyes out. I blurted out the story of my mothers sudden death and my terrible situation and my lack of support. She looked at me and she took my hand and said that every morning when she wakes up she thanks God for waking her and that I needed to start doing the same. She told me that everything was going to be OK, that I needed to hold on and have faith that God would not let me down. I calmed down and part of me really believed her or at least really wanted to. I finished my business and left. I saw her a few times after that, all those years ago and I always thanked her and we exchanged niceties. She was transferred to another branch and I had not seen her for a good 8 or 9 years, till yesterday.

Yesterday, on New Years Eve, I went inside the bank to use the ATM. I never do this but there was a line in the outside area at the ATM machines so I decided to use the one inside the bank to avoid waiting in line. I opened the door, and there she stood. Our eyes locked and at first, I'm not sure she recognized me but then the recognition set in and her face softened and she called out to me "look at you! you're all grown up! Are you a model now? You are gorgeous, you're so radiant and glowing! How are you doing?" I laughed and said OK and asked her how she was.

She told me that she was fine and that she was only here for today to help out, that she was still working at another branch. I looked at her and I said to her "I will never ever forget what you did for me all those years ago. I think of those words you said to me everyday, that you are thankful for waking up everyday and I try to be like you and be positive even when I feel bad". I then told her that she was a beacon for me that day, she was my hope that there were good people who actually cared about others out there and that maybe I would find people to love me again and I wouldn't always be alone like I was. I told her how much comfort her words brought to me and how much of a difference she made in my life at that terrible time. I began to cry as I told her these things because remembering it brought it all back for me, the desperation and the depression and sadness I felt at that time and I was also realizing how far I had come despite being so hard on myself from day to day.

She began to cry too and I said to her "I'll bet you never realized how much of a difference you made in another persons life that day did you? You helped me get through the worst time of my life and I always think of you and your kindness when I think of that time." She looked so stunned and surprised. She came out from behind the counter and put her arms around me and we hugged and cried. Then, this woman I never really knew put her arms around me and we hugged and she told me that she was proud of the woman I had become. She also told me that she was having a terrible day that day all those years ago. She was struggling with her own problems with her teenage daughter (who is now 30) and a man who treated her badly. She told me that she barely believed the things she told me but she knew that I needed support and positivity so she tried to give me encouraging words. I told her that I was convinced that my mother had put her in my path that day as my angel and that it was no coincidence that we met. We both ended up hearing what we needed to hear that day and she told me that as she told me to be thankful for my life it made her realize that she needed to step back and do the same.

We finished our conversation and we exchanged numbers and vowed to keep in touch. She then hugged me and whispered "I love you" and the funny thing is, I knew that she really meant it even though we do not know each other. I said to her 'I know we're strangers but I honestly love you too, you are a beautiful person". And that was that. Then, this girl who does not consider herself to be a "religious" person, left the bank feeling like I had just gone to church and had some sort of Epiphany, some sort of religious experience . It was such a joyful and meaningful experience. It reminded me that I had started out this day comparing myself to my cousins who seem to have everything and I was pretty tough on myself and now, I realize how truly far I've come and how much I have accomplished on my own. I am sitting here right now content in the knowledge that today, I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life and what happened today was no coincidence, it was meant to be. Life is funny like that, isn't it?

That's all for now :)