Home Cookin'

So being a raging beeatch and really hormonal this week, I got a horrible, horrible craving for very unhealthy food. This rarely happens. I normally eat a diet of pretty healthy stuff. Egg white omelets with veggies, low fat yogurt with fruit, salads, etc. It's not as boring as it sounds. I'm a pretty good cook, I use some interesting seasonings and herbs and I know how to make healthy stuff taste delicious. That said, there are just times when nothing will do but real butter and sour cream and a serving that I just know is made for two but I feel compelled to eat it all anyway. That time came today.

So I already told you I'm kinda bitchy this week, when I get like this I crave to be nurtured. I live alone, I work for everything I have myself and sometimes it gets very tiring doing it all myself and not being in it with another person to turn to when I'm tired of it all. I think being bitchy for me is related to feeling lonely for someone to take care of me when I need it. Like my Mommy. Who is long gone. No matter how old you get to be there is just something about going home and having your Mommy make you something to eat. You sit at the table and put everything else out of your mind and for that breif time you are someones' baby. I spend my days nurturing people and I rarely get the favor returned, which is perfectly fine but there are occasional times when I realize that I really need this even just for an hour or so. My ex used to get this part of my personality and he knew how to nurture me but he is my ex. So at this point I feel sort of lost for that. This is where the Stage Restaurant comes in.

Way back when I first moved to NYC in the 80's, a good friend took me there. It is barely noticeable if you didn't already know it was there. It is tucked into a tiny space next to a theater. It has 8 counter seats with hooks behind those seats and that is it. I always manage to walk in just when someone is getting up and leaving. People are pretty considerate too and usually leave shortly after finishing due to the limited space. The food is Ukrainian/Polish. It is like something out of old New York. Places like this do not exist anymore due to high rents and changing neighborhoods, but The Stage, it just keeps ticking along. Everyone speaks Polish, there are countermen who take your order, ask you if you want challah bread with your order (which I highly recommend saying yes to) and make conversation with you if you seem to be up for it. They also have a keen sense of when to leave you alone if you are not in a talkative mood as well.

When I used to live a few blocks from this place, the staff knew me. I was buddies with a waitress named Monica. I always marveled at how she stayed so slim working in a place like this. She always had a smile and remembered what we talked about the last time I was there. She is long gone now, but the place has the same family style atmosphere where you feel like the person cooking the food in the back actually cares about you. Speaking of the back, there is a small pick-up window where you can see who is making your food and that is the beauty part.

Unlike other small places, there is not a disgruntled guy making $6 an hour cranking out your food. At the Stage there are a few Polish grandmas wearing house dresses and hairnets chatting away and making each order from scratch. Tonight, within 5 minutes of ordering my fave comfort dinner of a chicken cutlet, mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy and steamed broccoli, I heard a pounding noise and some sizzling. I knew that my cutlet was a victim of the meat mallet and was on it's way to me within minutes. For $10 I got a cutlet that covered 3/4 of my plate, had a light as air breading, was tender and juicy and easily devoured in minutes. The mashed potatoes and gravy were everything you'd imagine they should be, light and fluffy, with just the right amount of seasoning. Because I rarely go to this place now, I ordered some pierogies and a piece of stuffed cabbage to go. Imagine the perfect version of these dishes and that's what these are. They also make the most delicious blintzes and potato pancakes on earth but my stomach was begging for mercy so I was not able to indulge this time but I am definitely going back in the next couple of months for those goodies. If you're a breakfast person the challah bread french toast and the apple or blueberry pancakes are worth a look. The prices are ridiculously cheap, a full breakfast of eggs, potatoes, hash, bacon, toast, juice and coffee is $4.50. And yes, everything is homemade.

I cannot praise this place enough, I will seriously cry if it ever goes out of business. It's one of the last of it's kind. When I finished my huge plate the sweet man behind the counter smiled at me and said "you did good!" Now that, is something my own Mother would have said.

That's all for now :)

The Midnight Sun

Yesterday was hands down the most disgustingly uncomfortable day of the entire year to date for me. Imagine feeling like a thanksgiving turkey in an oven sloooooowly roasting, basting in your own sweat for a good 7 hours. That pretty much sums it up. 100% humidity, rain, blazing heat. Sweat, sweat, sweat. Even my interpreter Miguel, who comes from an island and loves heat, was begging me to stop working for the day. When Miguel complains about heat, its pretty serious. There was a "heat advisory" and warnings to check on elderly people who live alone. The city opened cooling centers for people who do not own air conditioners. I used to be one of those people years ago but I have had an air conditioner for quite a while now and even if I only use it for 2 weeks a year, it is a necessity for me. Not having an air conditioner is like not having a toilet, it is that essential for me. The strange part is, in the winter I am always freezing. I have to sleep with a heating pad under my feet. My body just seems to have a sensitivity to extremes in temperature. That said, I will choose winter every time over summer if forced to choose.

I remember when I was a kid and there was no air conditioner in my bedroom. I would lay awake at night and continue to flip the pillow to the "cold" side. Everything seemed so high pitched. From the sound of the crickets and beetles scratching around outside my window to the buzz of the street lamp at the end of the block. If I really concentrate, I feel like I am right there again. I remember that feeling of waking up to a wet pillow and the hair at the nape of my neck damp from perspiration. I also remember the feeling of frustration and irritation at not being able to sleep throughout the night and praying for some relief for the next night.

When I got home yesterday, the first thing I did was strip, toss my clothes into the dirty pile and take a cold shower. The soap and water was a much needed elixir and did me wonders. I then collapsed onto my bed unclothed and reveled in the cool air from air conditioner gently wafting over me like a lovahs kisses, ahhhhhh! If I could be in a committed relationship with an appliance, it would be a toss up between my air conditioner and my heating pad, air conditioner edging out the heating pad at this time. Anyway, it didn't take long for me to fall into a deep sleep from the exhaustion of the day. As I slept I had the most vivid and amazingly realistic dream.

I want to preface telling you about the dream by mentioning something that my dream reminded me of. Did you ever watch the original Twilight Zone episodes? You know, the old black and white ones with Rod Serling himself doing the intro and narrating? This show is really one of my favorite shows of all time. It was ahead of it's time and even now when I watch it it still spooks me and gives me chills. It really makes me think and there is nothing out there on television at this time that does that for me. Come to think of it, there really never has been anything this thought provoking for me on television since this. One of my very favorite episodes is titled "The Midnight Sun". It originally aired on November 17th, 1961. The main characters are Norma, an artist, and her landlady Mrs. Bronson. The setting is New York City. The episode begins with Mrs Bronson mentioning what she has just heard on the radio and ending her comment with "and that's why we're, we're....." then the scene pans to Rod Serling and his famous opening monologue to set the stage for what we are about to see...


And I quote..."The word that Mrs. Bronson is unable to put into the hot, still, sodden air is doomed, because the people you've just seen have been handed a death sentence.
One month ago, the Earth suddenly changed its elliptical orbit and in doing so began to follow a path which gradually, moment by moment, day by day, took it closer to the sun. And all of man's little devices to stir up the air are now no longer luxuries - they happen to be pitiful and panicky keys to survival. The time is five minutes to twelve, midnight. There is no more darkness. The place is New York City and this is the eve of the end, because even at midnight it's high noon, the hottest day in history, and you're about to spend it in the Twilight Zone."

.......*DRAMATIC MUSIC*


So the crux of the episode is basically these two women keeping each other company as life as they have known it melts away. There is no more darkness, the sun is out all the time. They watch their water supply dwindle, food grows scarce, electricity is conserved and everyone around them is leaving town in droves to go north where it is cooler. At one point, a man breaks in and drinks their remaining water leaving them with nothing. Time progresses and it keeps getting hotter and hotter. Mrs. Bronson starts to crack mentally from the pressure of the heat and asks Norma to paint her a picture of something cool and calm with water. The temperature climbs up to 140 degrees and Mrs. Bronson collapses as the thermometer shatters and Norma's painting melts right off the canvas. Norma collapses as well.

The episode ends with showing the apartment at night. It is black outside the window and you can see ice crusted on the windows. Mrs Bronson and Norma are bundled up and there is a Dr there tending to Norma as she is confined to her bed. It turns out that she has a dangerously high fever and... ( here is that famous twilight zone twist!) she was only dreaming that the earth was moving closer to the sun. In reality it is moving AWAY from the sun and they are doomed to freezing to death in a matter of days. Norma wakes up and tells Mrs Bronson about her crazy dream and says "isn't it wonderful to have darkness and coolness"? To which Mrs Bronson replies with a sound of dread in her voice "yes my dear, it's.....wonderful ." The closing narration from Mr Serling goes as follows..."The poles of fear, the extremes of how the Earth might conceivably be doomed. Minor exercise in the care and feeding of a nightmare, respectfully submitted by all the thermometer-watchers in the Twilight Zone."

THE END! Fabulous epi, no? If you haven't watched it do try to, it is so powerful.

So I told you this because as I laid nude in front of my air conditioner in a deep slumber I had the most vivid dream that I was in a car with someone driving through a beautiful snowy landscape. It was almost fantasy-like. Everything was covered in a fluffy layer of snow and as we drove through it the snow swirled and sparkled around us and began to blow furiously. I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and comfort. The buildings looked like gingerbread houses and even the car we were in seemed too perfect to be real. As the dream progressed, I felt myself getting colder by the minute. I held my arms together at my sides and tried to turn the heat on but is wasn't working. I became resigned to the fact that nature was having it's way and I tried to appreciate the cold which was rapidly going from a beautifully refreshing treat to an uncomfortably bitter chill. The ring of my phone brought me back to reality and I woke up to the cold around me and my skin feeling icy to the touch which was quite a shock from what I had been subjected to all day with the oppressive heat. I rushed to put clothing on and snuggled under the covers and fell back into a peaceful sleep.

Now, as I related this to you it really amazes me at how powerful our minds are and what they can conjure up as survival mechanisms in response to our environment around us and the stresses we are subjected to at times.

That's all for now :)

Moby's Dick

Look at this guy showing off. I know, you're probably grossed out yet simultaneously fascinated, aren't you? Part of you wants to scream and never set foot back here again and part of you is wondering quite a few things.

Frankly, I'm surprised it's so skinny. And I'm wondering why that guy is holding it. Is he trying to get a sample? If he is, does this mean he's going to rub it? Is he a professional whale jacker? Just what does it all mean?

I'm also curious about where that thing normally hangs out. Does it retract or does it just dangle about like that in the ocean? I've never noticed it before, not that I watch whales in their natural habitat that much but I've seen videos, documentaries, nature shows and I don't recall seeing this as they swam about. He seems to be enjoying all of this too.

O.K. then, I'm just going to slink out of here and leave you to your own wonderment.

That's all for now :)

The People In Your Neighborhood

So I was walking through my neighborhood today and I passed this storefront. I've walked past this a million times and the scary thing is, I never really thought about how bizarre it is until today. I guess I'm so used to crazy stuff here in NYC that this one sailed right past my weird meter. I really odd part is, there is no sign on the window or door. Nothing tells you what this place is. It's obvious that false teeth are made here and to be honest I sort of like the window display. The panther looks as if he is guarding the teeth in case anyone is thinking of lifting a set. The whole scene looks like the idea of someone who was under pressure and had no advertising budget to bring in the business. What else could it be? Could they possibly be so proud of their craftsmanship that they might think we too would appreciate seeing a random pile of false choppers as a thing of beauty? And the panther? What the hell is up with that panther? I am seriously dying to meet the person behind this, I think they would probably be a blast to have a drink with. I have such an urge to walk in and ask to meet this person but I've repressed it for all the years that I've lived here. Every time I walk past this scene, I immediately think to myself..."oh right, time for my cleaning and 6 month check up with the dentist". I think that if the day ever comes that this place closes and the display is gone I am going to genuinely be sad to see it go.

That's all for now :)

Meet Me in Montauk

So I've been on vacation this week from work. Work has been sloooow as molasses and with my job, the work flow is totally unpredictable so I just have to roll with it and deal with less money at certain times of the year. Because of this, I decided to stay close to home and I thought a lot about where to go just to get away from it all. Upstate is my usual choice, being an upstater and knowing the area. This time however, I got a bee in my bonnet and decided to go to Montauk, Long Island.

I've lived in NYC for 23 years. I have always wanted to go to Montauk but just never quite made it. I've been to the Hamptons and frankly, I hated it. I felt bored, poor and annoyed. These are not feelings that I particularly enjoy. The Hamptons is a place to be seen. I don't need to be seen. I don't care about "clubbing" and I never have and while I like eating and shopping to a degree I see no reason to wait in line or spend a ridiculous amount on things that I could easily obtain elsewhere for a more reasonable amount. Even as a very young person, I never was into a "scene" and the Hamptons is precisely this. I have always preferred to spend time with interesting people chatting and taking in whatever environment I'm in.

So back to Montauk, it is the eastern most census designated place in New York State. Once you get to the very end, the tippy top of the point of land at the edge of the ocean and you can't go any farther , that it is. I am normally not a beach person, I love the ocean and the beach but I sort of gravitate more toward mountains. Maybe it has something to do with being the whitest person on earth and having to be careful around the sun, I don't know but being in Montauk made me want to spend more time at the ocean. It reminded me of the late nights I used to go to the beach at Far Rockaway here in Queens NY. My ex used to have a car, and he would pick me up late at night, like around 12 or 1 am and we would just drive to the beach and go for walks near the ocean in the dark. I loved it. It was so peaceful and quiet. We would walk along the shore and listen to the waves crash and hold hands and talk about the future or just walk in silence each in our own thoughts. I remember feeling blessed that I was with someone that I could be silent with and there was an understanding that it was comfortable and a good thing, a sign of acceptance. I remember the feeling of my hand in his, how small I felt and how lucky I felt. I remember feeling amazed at that water and the constant back and forth, ebb and flow and how with all the uncertainty in the world, that was something that had been the same for millions of years and would continue to be so until the very last minute of this planets existence. I remember looking out and wondering what and who was on the other side of that mass of water and what those people were thinking. I so looked forward to those nites, they were very special to me.

I hate to sound really cliche but when I think of Montauk, I think of one of my very favorite movies, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". There is a scene in this movie where the main characters wake up in bed on a wintry beach on Montauk with snow blowing around them. Of all the images of this movie, I love this one the most. It just speaks to me. I've referred to it so many times as illustrating how I feel about a particular situation or a mood I'm experiencing or even as being the image that a scent conjures up for me. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't seen it but it is a truly wonderful movie and I relate to it far more than I should. Faced with losing each other forever, one of the main characters whispers to the other "meet me in Montauk" in an attempt at maintaining a connection that is about to be lost to them forever . The first time I saw it I cried a really strong ugly cry. You know that cry when you're really vigorously sobbing and glad that no one else is around and when it's over you need to lay down? Yep, that was how I felt about that one. But it was actually good because I felt validated and understood, as if whoever wrote that could feel my feelings and was inside my head. I realize that might sound egotistical but isn't it normal sometimes when you are feeling really strong emotions to feel that no one understands you? That feeling goes away and common sense returns but when you're in it it can be really overwhelming, at least for me. I'm a super feeler though, I think I may feel and experience things a bit more intensely than the normal human being. Or maybe not.

Getting to Montauk took about 3 hours. Getting back took 2. Yay for speeding ,late night driving and no traffic on the return. There are quite a few state parks and a few beaches and since my time was limited I decided to play it by ear. My companion and I went to the famous lighthouse. The lighthouse is at the very tip and a historical landmark. I think it's a requirement that every first time visitor goes there. I'd never go again, unless I was with a person who wanted to go but it was a nice experience. The best part was that after going to the lighthouse, we noticed a small beach nearby and we walked to it and took our shoes off and ran into the ocean. It was beautiful. The water was so clear and warm and we were the only people there. I took my requisite small pebble, I always do this, it's a habit I've gotten into. Every time I go to someplace that I find really beautiful and meaningful, a place that I know I will hold dear in my memory, I take a very small pebble and keep it in my pocket as a tangible reminder that such a place exists. I call it my "anchor". No one knows about it but me. All last winter I had a small pebble from my favorite mountain in Vermont in the pocket of my winter coat. Every time I put my hand in my pocket for something or to keep my hand warm and felt it I instantly felt transported back to that place and felt a wave of happiness and safety. On that beach, we stood on a huge rock, feeling safe from the waves and in one huge surge we got completely soaked from head to toe. It was wonderful, it made me feel alive and I took it as sort of a mini lesson that no matter what I think, I am really not as in control of things as I seem to think I am.

After the beach, we took a little walk on a trail we found at an overlook and that too was really relaxing and nice. Then on to a fabulous dinner and chatting. It was really all I needed and it left me feeling like I really need to do things like this more often. Sorry if this sounds really cheesey and self help-ish but getting away even for the little bit that I did really reconnected me with my inner voice. Oh but don't worry, I'm still a sassy big mouth, some things will never change ;)

Featured Fragrance Review: Un Jardin Apres La Mousson

I'll admit it, I am a huge Jean Claude Ellena groupie/fangirl. He is one of my very favorite perfumers. He can usually do no wrong by me. I have never tried a fragrance created by this man that I did not like, some maybe more than others but I have never disliked anything his hands have touched.

Un Jardin Apres La Mousson is the third in a series created by Mr Ellena for Hermes featuring a garden theme. The first fragrance was "Un Jardin En Mediterranee" released in 2003, the second was "Un Jardin Sur La Nil" released in 2005, and this is the latest release. It came out last spring, 2008. It is described on the Hermes website as "a serene expression of nature's rebirth after the rain, somewhere in India. A vegetal, floral, spicy eau de toilette." The very name can be translated to "A garden after the rain". Nice concept right? I'll admit, it really appealed to me on reading the description. The notes certainly do, being listed as : cardamom, coriander, pepper, ginger, ginger flower, vetiver accord. I love spices and I love Jean Claude Ellena, what could go wrong? After hearing reviews of this with strong melon notes mentioned, I steered clear of it. I normally detest anything aquatic or melony. It is the antithesis of my fragrance tastes. I much prefer softer and more sensual skin scents. I still dream of owning a large bottle of Mr Ellena's Ambre Narguile for Hermes. This is one of my all time favorite scents. It pretty much says "me" when I wear it but it is a winter scent and I bid it farewell for a few months every year and turn to another Ellena creation, L'eau D'hiver as an alternative when I want my Ellena fix.

That said, I am shocked to be completely in love with this fragrance. It was a gift from a very special gentleman who picked it up for me in Paris. Maybe this is why I genuinely gave it a fair shot even more so than I would have if I was spritzing away at Sephora where I would have been trying 4 other things with it and written it off. I gave it my undivided attention and I am happy to say that I am loving it. At first, it seemed to be a scrubber. Anything even remotely aquatic is the kiss of death for me with a fragrance as I am highly sensitive to this characteristic. Initially, there was an aquatic blast that is usually my signal to run from a scent but after a few minutes that dissipated and it was replaced with a bit of duskiness (the vetiver) and the most refreshingly real watermelon I have ever smelled. Watermelon is not something I ever like in a fragrance but this smelled like watermelon with salt and there was a clean, rounded quality to it, a softness that seemed almost impossible to me. Watermelon anything usually makes me think of Bath and Body works cheap fragrances and immediately gives me a headache. Mr Ellena seems to have managed to make watermelon elegant as I never imagined it could be. This is not at all harsh or jarring. It is soft and refreshing. The spices are not really pronounced, I definitely get the coriander which I love, it gives it a lemony, dusky quality along with the earthiness of the vetiver, and the cardamon gives it a bit more interest but it's not something I would really notice if I didn't know it was in the composition. I also really like the slight soapiness which is hovering a bit deep into the drydown. I realize that Watermelon, soapiness and spice sound like a disaster but trust me on this, everything seems to really work beautifully together and it comes off very nicely. I don't want to peg this as a watermelon only fragrance because there is more going on here and I want to point this out to you. This is definitely a unisex fragrance and could be worn by a man or a woman. It straddles the middle of the road beautifully and is neither too masculine or feminine. I would love to smell this on a gentleman as well as on myself.

I went from timidly spritzing on my wrists in a cautionary first try to now covering my neck and chest with this and wanting more. I'm finding this addictive, the more I apply it the more I want. I was also gifted the body lotion and I am looking forward to my shower tonight and indulging in this as well. This is a truly addictive summer fragrance that I am extremely surprised to love so much and I happily add to my large collection as something that is nothing like anything else I already own. for me, this is a second cousin to L'Eau D'Hiver, a fragrance which I adore with all my heart. I like to think of fragrances in terms of the feeling they give me or the mood they create. I would never call either of these fragrance beachy or tropical in the slightest, but moodwise I can say that whereas L'Eau D'Hiver is lounging about on the Riviera, Un Jardin Apres La Mousson is kicking back on a beach in the Caribbean. Both of these scents have that same watery, soft feeling for me. It is a testament to how well done Un Jardin Apres La Mousson is for a person with my finicky taste in scents to appreciate it and enjoy it as much as I do. Lasting power is average and just right for a lovely summer fragrance. Re-applying is s pleasure.

I highly recommend at least trying this one even if you normally do not like anything aquatic or melony. Hearing of those qualities in this before I tried it kept me from discovering this one earlier. You may be just as shocked as me to find yourself truly appreciating and loving this one during the sticky summer months!

That's all for now! :)

Featured Movie Review: Bret Michaels in... "A Letter From Death Row"

Yeah, that's right, you read it correctly. I said Bret Michaels and yes, that is the Bret Michaels who is the lead singer of the rock band "Poison" and stars in his own TV reality show called "Rock of Love" which follows his romantic exploits. I have never felt compelled to talk about a movie here, until today.

I'll begin by saying that I have a confession to make. I love bad movies. I have an abnormal excitement for them. For years my ex and I used to cuddle up on Sunday nights in front of the TV at 12 am when our local channel 7 features "the channel 7 late movie". It is always something you have never heard of and it stars people you forgot existed. Think Donna Mills, Morgan Britney, Lisa Rinna any of the Baldwin brothers, professional athletes you never knew took a turn at acting, Harry Hamlin, Vincent Pastore, Michael Madsen...etc. Get the pic? The people you see in these debacles are sometimes really great actors who must have been behind on their mortgage payments or just B list ones that seem to have found a home as Lifetime movie regulars. The thing that I love about these movies is that they are usually so bad you find yourself talking to the screen. For example: " wow, what was with that camera angle? OMG, this music is ridiculous! OK, here we go again, look behind you, there is a guy with a knife ready to pounce and you're playing right into it! Yep, she hates him but I'll bet they're in bed together two commercials from now".....etc etc. It is most fun when I watch these types of movies with a good friend or someone who also shares my love of the absurd. It's also really fun to try and guess what's coming up next and place bets on how crazy things will get.

So getting back to "A Letter From Death Row" ...there I was last night, on the phone with BFF chatting away, when I looked up and saw the words "starring Bret Michaels" and I screamed..."OMG! Bret Michaels acted in a movie? what the hell is this?" My friend was also intrigued and she flipped to said channel. We were both tickled to see Martin and Charlie Sheen in the cast as well. This seemed to have all the makings of a classic for me. The only way that Bret Michaels could have scored Martin and Charlie Sheen for this gem was maybe after hooking up at a Hollywood coke party or something. I imagined it went something like this:

Bret: Oh hey dude! I love your work! So I'm doin' a movie, yeah, I even wrote the script and all. Would you give me some star power and take a part in it?

Charlie: Bro! I am so glad to see you here! I love your music, it was great mood music when I was really into prostitutes a while back! Not only would I love to be in your movie, it would be repayment to you for all those great times I had with your CD's setting the mood! As a matter of fact, if you want I can even get my Pops involved. He's getting old and he's mellowed out a lot. I'll bet he'd love to add this to his resume!

Bret: Cool! Very cool! Here's my cell #, lets go for massages next week and work out the deets! AWESOME!

*Mutual fist pump in the air, end of interaction, snorting resumes*

So, the movie, here goes. Bret Michaels plays Michael Raine, a convicted killer on death row. The tag line for this movie is :"There is no lie more frightening than the truth". He was framed (or was he?) for the murder of his stripper/whore girlfriend Kristi. Were they role playing or did he really strangle her during kinky sex? The movie takes you through the happenings that lead up to his conviction and it basically is a complete cluster fuck of events. Bret wrote and produced this as well, just to let you know. What can I say? It was just the most unbelievable thing I have ever seen. Imagine one long bad rock video from the late 80's early 90's only with people talking and an attempt at a plot line.

The are only 2 movies that come to my mind immediately that were just as bad as this. One is "Double Team" starring Dennis Rodman, Jean Claude Van Damme and Mickey Roarke. The tag line alone for that one is worth the price of admission..."He's a one man arsenal...with enough voltage to rock the free world". I seem to recall a hilarious scene with Dennis Rodman on a motorcycle holding a baby who was crying and riding around in circles. It involved terrorism, that's all I can remember and frankly I don't want to remember any more. I'll admit, I saw this one at the theater. My good friend wanted to go, he too loves bad movies so we went together and we laughed so hard that we almost got kicked out of the theater by people behind us who were totally taking this mess seriously. The other winner was a Harry Hamlin/Lisa Rinna vehicle called "Sex ,Lies, and Obsession" . Harry Hamlin plays a dirty whore sex addict who is a well respected orthopedic surgeon and frequents the bad section of town picking up prostitutes. He has to, he's a sex addict! The movie takes you through his sex addiction, his therapy, his pissed off wife's issues with him, etc etc. It's a total "talk back to the screen" movie, not as much as "a Letter From Death Row" but it is totally watchable in it's own right. Oh honorable mention goes the classic "Roadhouse", starring the legendary Patrick Swayze as a troubled bouncer who actually rips a guys throat out. Yes, he really does that in the movie.

So back to "A Letter From Death Row". The things that make this so great are the really horrendous camera angles, the music (Bret wrote it, power rock ballad type of stuff and heavy metal screeching), the way he breaks it up into "chapters" and it flashes across the screen in big block letters, for example "CHAPTER 3: THE BIG HOUSE". He also is a cheese master, focusing on women's legs a lot and zooming in on them crossing and uncrossing their legs while sitting in front of him and talking. He narrates the movie at certain points and as he narrates it there are extreme close ups of his mouth as he speaks. I know, WTF? Martin Sheen plays Brets father who comes to visit him on death row and is only in this mess for about 5 minutes, and Charlie plays a cop who just shoots at something and is out of the scene in about 60 seconds.

Oh and the best part which I took note of...the biggest percentage of the costume budget for this movie must have been devoted to head coverings i.e. wigs, scarves, bandages etc. Bret Michaels has major male patterned baldness, and being a rocker he insists on having long hair. In order to preserve his dignity, he covers his head with a bandanna in nearly every shot. When he was hospitalized, the bandage was strategically placed to cover his receding hairline. He also sported a wig in a few scenes. This is probably why I was completely shocked to hell when (SPOILER ALERT!)...there was a scene when he was attacked in the prison showers with a weird homoerotic vibe where the prison warden was wearing a shorty bathrobe and had a guard attack him as they shaved his head. I know, it sounds crazy, just get this and watch it. You will seriously thank me for the entertainment value of this one. Oh and never in a million years did I imagine I would hear myself saying "wait a minute, no fucking way is that Bret Michaels in a Nuns habit. No fucking way, is it really him in a Nuns habit? OMG!! IT IS!".

What else can I say here? This movie was so scattered that I'm even getting confused telling you about it. I'm going to end here by says that I highly recommend this one if you want to sit open mouthed for 89 minutes and laugh your ass off intermittently.

COCAINE+OXICLEAN=HOUSE THAT'S SPARKLING CLEAN!

"BILLY MAYS HERE FOR COCAINE! DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING? ARE YOU TIRED OF COFFEE AND YEARN FOR THAT EXTRA PEP?"...So didja hear? Billy Mays was a cokehead, 'tis true. Apparently he was a big fan of the booger sugar. Toxicology reports showed that he had cocaine in his system, prescription painkillers and anti-anxiety meds too. At first it suprised me, but now thinking about it that man WAS cocaine. This explains all that shouting and his hyper personality. He was so amped up, it totally makes sense to me. This also answers why my house is such a mess, I'm missing the cocaine part! I guess that's all I've been needing to really get my shit together here. WHO KNEW?

On sneakers and stretch pants.....

Meet my new sneakers. Aren't they cute? I just had to have them. I love anything that glitters even though I normally dress pretty boringly. I have to be unexciting for work. I wear jeans daily but they are nice ones and I usually wear a nice top and cute sneakers, Puma's for the most part.

So I went to the outlets shopping yesterday. Have you done this? Going to the outlets always makes me feel like buying a ton of crap I don't need but yesterday was pretty good, I had great restraint and didn't buy much at all. I went crazy at the Lindt Chocolate outlet, can you believe such a place exists? If there is one place I'd like to be locked up in over night that would be it. It's like Toys R Us for grown ups. So I also got the fancy sneakers and even the gentleman I was shopping with said to me, "normally, I could not see a person pulling those off but you do it quite well, get those and rock them!".

So on the way home I started to wonder, am I becoming one of those people who is not age appropriate? I see women my age that dress like teen vixens and then there are those who look like they have given up and they look old and frumpy. I try to get myself somewhere in between but I really sometimes wonder. I am in my 40's, should I really be wearing the same thing as teenagers? Will people be laughing and pointing at me in my exciting new sneakers? Do I care if they are pointing and laughing at me? It's kind of a fear of mine that as I get older I am going to lose touch and be one of those people who looks dated with my hair and clothes. You've seen people like this havn't you? A person who looks like they found a "look" that may have been working for them at a certain age and they never saw a need to change it so they have the same hair, same make-up, same type of clothes as they did at that time even if it is years later?

I am so afraid of this that I made my hair stylist promise to tell me if I look like a crazy old lady with my hair at some point. I have long curly red hair that I can not imagine ever getting rid of, but I am also aware that there might come a day when I look like Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" and I would really hope to avoid this at all costs. I have a couple of friends who have promised to do this for me too. A gay man and a straight woman so I have all style bases covered. They have been instructed to be brutally honest with me and tell me if I am beginning to look foolish. At this point, I am about to start lifting weights too. My arms are looking tragic lately due to weight loss and aging and nothing gives you away more than flabby pasty arms. The weight lifting is for vanity as well as building some muscle that I am losing at this age.

With all the thinking I was doing last night I wondered if there will come a time when I give in to frump and wear things that stretch all the time. Namely pants. When does the transition to polyester happen? Will it happen to me? Oh and here's one I was wondering too. We were watching a commercial for life insurance for retiree's on TV and the background music was all old time big band stuff. I said to my companion, "when we're really old, will the music on these commercials be Meatloaf, Beyonce, The Rolling Stones or Kanye? That would be music that was popular when we were young, none of us would relate to Glen Miller etc.". We thought about that one for a minute.

I guess in the end, there is nothing you can do about some of these things. I'm pretty Ok with aging and I'm not being too neurotic about it, but every once in a while I wonder about these little random things. Not enough to stop me from looking to get another pair of my new sneakers in red though!

That's all for now! ;)