So I watched the Oscars Sunday, I usually do. I haven't seen a lot of the movies but I love it for the same reasons most girls do, dresses, hair, makeup and schmecksy men all cleaned up. As I was watching I was imagining what it must feel like to be a person nominated for something or even just what it must be like to be a person who is famous. It's not something I would ever want or strive for but I really do admire certain actresses and actors. Sandra Bullock is one of my all time faves and I was so happy to see her win.
So all of that said, this is what I was really thinking, if that was me and I was famous I would be one of those stars who ends up in the Enquirer on a regular with headlines screaming "LMF's baby bump! Are she and Hugh expecting?!!!" The answer my friends would be NO. She had a burger and fries followed up with two days of eating ice cream every night and now she is back on track again...but thanks for asking!
It really kills me when weight related stories rear their ugly head . What I really really want to know is, how do they know that Oprah is 258 lbs? EXACTLY 258? Not 263, not 243 but no, she is 258 dammit and don't you forget it! You've seen it haven't you? "OPRAH HITS 258, WILL DIE BY JUNE". Then it is followed with an article about how she was spotted at a buffet at some swanky spa(you like that? She does only frequent "swanky" places right?) and some lovely person took mental notes that she had not only pancakes and sausage, she had the NERVE to go back for eggs Benedict and a hot fudge sundae on her vacation! What must she be thinking?!!!! Then there are comments from "sources" that she was also seen with her BFF Gale eating cinnamon rolls and blueberry muffins in the front seat of her car. I am fairly certain, this would be the type of famous person I would be, followed and hounded every time I ate something other than salad. "Spotted: LMF out and about in NYC, attempts to satisfy her insatiable craving for cupcakes with a large box from Crumbs". Of course this would be followed by a pic of my love interest getting a lap dance because he has lost interest in me for being average. Or better yet, a pic of me being fed by my love interest (which you ought to know by now is the scintillating Mr Hugh Jackman) with a caption "spotted: big screen beefcake spoon feeds his colossal cutie at LA's coldstone creamery."
The other one that really bugs me is "KIRSTIE ALLEY DRS WARN: DIABETES NITEMARE AND MASSIVE HEART ATTACK LOOMING FOR HOLLYWOOD HEAVYWEIGHT". Just who are these Drs? OK. first of all, I love the way they use phrases like "Hollywood heavyweight" and "large and in charge" or "plus sized princess" . With Kirstie, some person loves to tell on her for ordering Chinese food and eating out a lot. They also like to point out how massive she is as if she is sub human. For Christs sake, I used to be 232 lbs, probably close to what she is and I was not about to drop dead or anything. Honestly, I did look pretty bad, but I wasn't a circus freak or anything. Note to self: if I ever become famous make everyone that comes within 3 feet of me sign a form forbidding them from talking about my food choices and intake.
Oh two last things: I was thinking about when when a sickly thin famous person gains weight and looks...average. They ALWAYS, ALLLLLLWAYS refer to them as "ballooning" up. I will never ever forget when I was a preteen and Cheryl Tiegs tormented me with her stick thin figure. She gained weight after a pregnancy or something and I remember them saying she "ballooned' up to 145 lbs. It was a huge deal at the time. Um....THAT IS MY GOAL! EXCUSE ME? And lastly, if I have to hear one more time about the wonderment of why Pierce Brosnan stays with his overweight wife I will explode. It's as if overweight women don't deserve love or it casts aspersions on whether or not he has lost his mind with being attracted to a fat chick! She was thin when they met and now...she's not. Lets all kill her and ridicule him for continuing to love his chubby wife! How nuts is this one? She still looks quite pretty, she is large and needs to rethink wearing a bikini IMO but she is a confident woman with a hunky rich guy for a husband. She's doing way better than me and 99% of the population out there. If I was her I would tell TMZ to SUCKIT and find another person to fuck with.
That's all for now :)
So all of that said, this is what I was really thinking, if that was me and I was famous I would be one of those stars who ends up in the Enquirer on a regular with headlines screaming "LMF's baby bump! Are she and Hugh expecting?!!!" The answer my friends would be NO. She had a burger and fries followed up with two days of eating ice cream every night and now she is back on track again...but thanks for asking!
It really kills me when weight related stories rear their ugly head . What I really really want to know is, how do they know that Oprah is 258 lbs? EXACTLY 258? Not 263, not 243 but no, she is 258 dammit and don't you forget it! You've seen it haven't you? "OPRAH HITS 258, WILL DIE BY JUNE". Then it is followed with an article about how she was spotted at a buffet at some swanky spa(you like that? She does only frequent "swanky" places right?) and some lovely person took mental notes that she had not only pancakes and sausage, she had the NERVE to go back for eggs Benedict and a hot fudge sundae on her vacation! What must she be thinking?!!!! Then there are comments from "sources" that she was also seen with her BFF Gale eating cinnamon rolls and blueberry muffins in the front seat of her car. I am fairly certain, this would be the type of famous person I would be, followed and hounded every time I ate something other than salad. "Spotted: LMF out and about in NYC, attempts to satisfy her insatiable craving for cupcakes with a large box from Crumbs". Of course this would be followed by a pic of my love interest getting a lap dance because he has lost interest in me for being average. Or better yet, a pic of me being fed by my love interest (which you ought to know by now is the scintillating Mr Hugh Jackman) with a caption "spotted: big screen beefcake spoon feeds his colossal cutie at LA's coldstone creamery."
The other one that really bugs me is "KIRSTIE ALLEY DRS WARN: DIABETES NITEMARE AND MASSIVE HEART ATTACK LOOMING FOR HOLLYWOOD HEAVYWEIGHT". Just who are these Drs? OK. first of all, I love the way they use phrases like "Hollywood heavyweight" and "large and in charge" or "plus sized princess" . With Kirstie, some person loves to tell on her for ordering Chinese food and eating out a lot. They also like to point out how massive she is as if she is sub human. For Christs sake, I used to be 232 lbs, probably close to what she is and I was not about to drop dead or anything. Honestly, I did look pretty bad, but I wasn't a circus freak or anything. Note to self: if I ever become famous make everyone that comes within 3 feet of me sign a form forbidding them from talking about my food choices and intake.
Oh two last things: I was thinking about when when a sickly thin famous person gains weight and looks...average. They ALWAYS, ALLLLLLWAYS refer to them as "ballooning" up. I will never ever forget when I was a preteen and Cheryl Tiegs tormented me with her stick thin figure. She gained weight after a pregnancy or something and I remember them saying she "ballooned' up to 145 lbs. It was a huge deal at the time. Um....THAT IS MY GOAL! EXCUSE ME? And lastly, if I have to hear one more time about the wonderment of why Pierce Brosnan stays with his overweight wife I will explode. It's as if overweight women don't deserve love or it casts aspersions on whether or not he has lost his mind with being attracted to a fat chick! She was thin when they met and now...she's not. Lets all kill her and ridicule him for continuing to love his chubby wife! How nuts is this one? She still looks quite pretty, she is large and needs to rethink wearing a bikini IMO but she is a confident woman with a hunky rich guy for a husband. She's doing way better than me and 99% of the population out there. If I was her I would tell TMZ to SUCKIT and find another person to fuck with.
That's all for now :)
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