A Man Like My Dad

So this Sandra Bullock debacle really got me thinking lately. About a lot of things. I don't want to sound jaded or anything but her husbands behavior did not surprise me. Tiger Woods behavior didn't surprise me either. I'm actually more surprised at people being surprised by any of this.

I learned the hard way that thinking the person you're with would never ever "do that" is totally naive and stupid. I'm beginning to think that every man cheats somehow and in some way and many women put up with it or just accept it or even turn a blind eye to it. I am not one of these women. When I was cheated on, that was it. I was devastated, sick inside, just beyond anything. I lost 17 lbs in three weeks, I was physically ill as well as emotionally destroyed. I still do not understand how anyone can behave so selfishly when the feelings of the person they claim to "love" are at stake. Why not leave first before you go and do something like that?

Since my experience, I have dated quite a few men and none of them instilled any confidence in me whatsoever. While I enjoyed my time with them, I could imagine every one of them hurting me and many of them did. This did not surprise me. I don't know whether it's my total body of experience or the particular ones I've had but I really have sort of settled into where I am and I'm realizing that everything has an expiration date. Relationships, even people!

I wonder why things have come to this? Why people now seem to feel that other people are "disposable"? Like there is another person just around the corner so who gives a fuck what happens with this one? I am sure computers/technology have a lot to do with this. Online dating is like shopping. People get into this mindset that everything should be easy and if it isn't then why bother with it? Onto the next!

I remember how it was between my parents. My father was cut from a different cloth than men now. He worshipped my mother and she did him. They were a team. They both worked even though it was at a time when a lot of women still did not. They shared household chores. They used to make a picnic and go to the beach together after work in the summer to eat. They would just sit there and talk and enjoy each other. It makes me almost cry to think of how sweet they were together. They were like that till the very end too. They had such struggles and such hard times together but you know what? They rode it out and they never forgot why they loved each other. The things they went through were things that most people today would run away from but they never did. They made it through and they both realized that this is what makes relationships stronger and it is never going to be fabulous all the time. That's the way life is. Of course you don't hang around if abuse is an issue but I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about everyday stuff. Why the hell does anyone get married now? I remember hearing something that Dr Phil said a while back. Now I really really loathe Dr Phil so for me to give him credit for anything must be big but he once said that people spend all their time planning for the wedding and don't even think about the actual marriage. Tru dat Phil.

I sometimes feel like I was born in the wrong era. I am the kind of person my parents were. When I love someone, I love them. I will stick by them when its hard because I have faith that it's going to swing up and get better again. I have been to hell and back several times in my life and I'm a better person for it. I learned this from my parents. When bad things happen I always try to remember that there is a lesson in it for me that my higher power wants me to learn and I always try to use the experience to grow and become a better person for it. I refuse to play into a "victim" poor me role and I have no tolerance for people who do that. It's a waste of time and counterproductive. I'm not always positive, I have my shitty down times but overall I do not give in to negativity. If I did I would still be fat and making minimum wage and I am not. I have not met anyone else like this. Don't think I will at this point but that's OK. Being in my 40's now I feel like every relationship I'm in takes on a sort of "Simpson's" or South Park" type of spoof quality to it. I can almost see the time line things go on, where it's headed , the drama's along the way and the inevitable end.

Someone even said to me once that he considered 10 years with someone to be a "good run" and a success. I can't believe I'm finally agreeing with him but I now think I do. My dream is to find what my parents had and if I can't find that I don't want anything at all. I want a man like my Dad, a good honest person with no bullshit involved. Their relationship wasn't perfect, they had some downs with the ups but they were dedicated to making it last and I don't' think there is anyone left who thinks like this anymore. Frankly, I would rather be alone and happy than with someone who makes me miserable. I'm not a settler, that's for sure.


Seeing Sandra Bullock in the midst of this upheaval after the biggest highlight of her career really makes me so sad for her. The way she thanked that selfish son of a bitch and credited him with her success really makes me ill. It seems that she truly believed he was genuine and she trusted him with her heart. Now, that trust is really going to be nearly impossible for her to give to another so purely again. I can only imagine how painful going through something like this in public view must be. You can't imagine it if you haven't experienced it and I am sure she is suffering like hell right now. In the end, she will probably come to the same conclusion I did, that you can't change others, you can't make them behave as you want them to. It would be nice if people had an attention span of more than a month or so but apparently no one does now. You do not have that control over others behaviors nor should you ever have it. The only thing that you do have control over is your own behavior and your reaction to others. Every experience teaches you lessons you need to learn and if you can calm down and see that life will make a lot more sense to you when it throws you it''s curves. It is in your own actions that you really can take some responsibility for your decisions and actions and be the best version of you possible!

I'd like to close this rambly post with a really great twist on the serenity prayer a friend sent me. I really love this, it has given me such peace and acceptance lately with a lot of things...

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cannot change
the courage to change the one I can
and the wisdom to know.....
it's me



That's all for now :)