NYC is a terrible, terrible place to own a car. It just is. It's like having a baby. Every morning, whether you are going anyplace or not you must get up. Unless you were lucky enough to find a parking spot on the correct side of the street the night before. This is due to an annoying little thing called "alternate side of the street parking". Every morning, you will see people half asleep and in their pajamas sitting in their cars waiting for the truck to come through so they can move their cars. At 8 am every morning the street sweeper trucks come through. They basically just stir up dirt in the name of "cleaning".This is why all cars must be on the same side of the street. The truck does a clean sweep of one side. If you were unlucky enough to oversleep and not move your car, you are towed, ticketed or both. There are "traffic enforcement agents" who will be at your car window with a ticket at 1 second after 8. I am not kidding. How do they do it? They are RELENTLESS. They used to be called "brownies" because they wore brown uniforms. This always reminded me of those little girl brownies, you know, the junior Girl Scouts? Well, they are far from innocent, they are downright nasty.
To be honest, they have the worst job on earth really. People in NYC are insane when it comes to parking. I have literally gotten out of the car and stood in a spot till my BF could drive around the block to get to it. I've nearly been killed by angry people looking for a spot like this but there are just times when you get so desperate you just can't drive around the block for another hour looking. It's that bad. We used to have to park 2 subway stops away and take the train here. If you get home after 6, you are pretty much screwed in finding a spot close by. Thank the lord for the invention of the Zip Car now.
I tell you all this to give you a flava of the dog eat dog nature of things here. I swear, I will die early from the stress of living here but I'd probably be bored anyplace else. Cue to my parking nightmare this week. Let me tell you that I have MAJOR driving in the city phobia here. I have driven for well over 20 years but I am terrified of driving in the city. I'll drive anywhere else but here. Actually, I failed the part on my drivers test back in eighteen dickity three where I was asked to parallel park. I simply cannot do it. I freeze up, I get really anxious and then I start to cry. I once drove around the block for an hour till my boyfriend came home from work and he could park the car. Yes, I am a parking loser. Where I was raised, you just drive right into a spot. No one ever parallel parks, it simply isn't done because there is no need to do it. When it comes to driving in NYC, I get all sorts of crazy scenarios that go through my head. I'm afraid that some nutbag (and there are plenty here) will shoot at me or get out of their car and beat me up if I even move the wrong way. This brings me to the situation I am going to tell you about.
There I was sitting in the car this week as my co-worker Miguel said "I'll be right back, I want to get a sandwich". He ran into the deli, I waited in the passenger seat. It was pouring rain. I was literally stuffing my piehole with a huge piece of cake that a patient of mine baked and gave to me. It was such a blissful moment that only a woman and her cake could understand. Then, all of a sudden this total BITCH traffic cop pulls up in her car and yells at me to move the car. I looked up and felt a sinking feeling. I saw Miguel only a few feet away waiting to pay for his sandwich. I tried to stall and that monster woman kept making hand gestures at me to move the car. She must have been low on her quota this week. There were no other cars around, we weren't blocking anything, she was just being a jerk. There was absolutely no parking anywhere. People, it was at that moment, with fear and dread in my heart, that I knew what I had to do.
Once again, I cannot express to you how completely terrified I am of driving here ,but my fear of her ticketing my beloved Miguel was greater, so I got my petrified self out of the car as quickly as I could move and I jumped behind the wheel of the car as she was pulling out her ticket book...and I took off. I can't say that I took off like a bat out of hell, it was more like a Fuss in a panic, this will be my new expression to indicate an intense reaction to something. I think this one may catch on with the kids and end up on UrbanDictionary.com . So, there I was, cake half in my mouth and half out, my feet didn't even reach the gas or brakes so I sat on the very edge of the seat and dangled my feet in hopes that they would make it. Poor Miguel helplessly witnessed this scenario with a look of utter horror on his face from inside the Deli, but there was nothing he could do. It must have been like Sophie's Choice for him. "Do I get my sandwich which I am really starving for, or do I risk getting a ticket and the Fuss having a heart attack at the wheel of my precious car?" The windows were fogging up due to the rain, oh and my cell phone rang and being a total dumbass I answered it. Not talking on a phone when driving is a law here . If I was stopped I would have been arrested /ticketed for like 4 things. So what did I do? I sped up to get rid of that dreadful traffic officer and I went around a truck and swung around the block twice to go back and pick up Miguel. He was hysterically laughing at my panicked state. He even high fived me when I jumped out and he jumped in behind the wheel. I was crying and saying OMGOMGOMG constantly and there was cake everywhere. Everywhere! It must have flown out of my mouth as I screamed in fear or something. The windows were almost completely fogged up and I had no idea where the defogger was and I was too hurried to look for it. People it was awful. true story.
The moral of the story? If you are in NYC or it's boroughs and you are driving a car you'd damned well better have a strong stomach and know how to parallel park. You'd also better have eyes everywhere and be able to read the signs that are on every corner stating when you can park there, when you can't and how much it's gonna cost you if you mess up. Oh and don't ever leave me innocently sitting in your car while you run into a deli for "just a minute". I don't think I have the constitution to deal with that dramarama and excitement ever again.
That's all for now :)
To be honest, they have the worst job on earth really. People in NYC are insane when it comes to parking. I have literally gotten out of the car and stood in a spot till my BF could drive around the block to get to it. I've nearly been killed by angry people looking for a spot like this but there are just times when you get so desperate you just can't drive around the block for another hour looking. It's that bad. We used to have to park 2 subway stops away and take the train here. If you get home after 6, you are pretty much screwed in finding a spot close by. Thank the lord for the invention of the Zip Car now.
I tell you all this to give you a flava of the dog eat dog nature of things here. I swear, I will die early from the stress of living here but I'd probably be bored anyplace else. Cue to my parking nightmare this week. Let me tell you that I have MAJOR driving in the city phobia here. I have driven for well over 20 years but I am terrified of driving in the city. I'll drive anywhere else but here. Actually, I failed the part on my drivers test back in eighteen dickity three where I was asked to parallel park. I simply cannot do it. I freeze up, I get really anxious and then I start to cry. I once drove around the block for an hour till my boyfriend came home from work and he could park the car. Yes, I am a parking loser. Where I was raised, you just drive right into a spot. No one ever parallel parks, it simply isn't done because there is no need to do it. When it comes to driving in NYC, I get all sorts of crazy scenarios that go through my head. I'm afraid that some nutbag (and there are plenty here) will shoot at me or get out of their car and beat me up if I even move the wrong way. This brings me to the situation I am going to tell you about.
There I was sitting in the car this week as my co-worker Miguel said "I'll be right back, I want to get a sandwich". He ran into the deli, I waited in the passenger seat. It was pouring rain. I was literally stuffing my piehole with a huge piece of cake that a patient of mine baked and gave to me. It was such a blissful moment that only a woman and her cake could understand. Then, all of a sudden this total BITCH traffic cop pulls up in her car and yells at me to move the car. I looked up and felt a sinking feeling. I saw Miguel only a few feet away waiting to pay for his sandwich. I tried to stall and that monster woman kept making hand gestures at me to move the car. She must have been low on her quota this week. There were no other cars around, we weren't blocking anything, she was just being a jerk. There was absolutely no parking anywhere. People, it was at that moment, with fear and dread in my heart, that I knew what I had to do.
Once again, I cannot express to you how completely terrified I am of driving here ,but my fear of her ticketing my beloved Miguel was greater, so I got my petrified self out of the car as quickly as I could move and I jumped behind the wheel of the car as she was pulling out her ticket book...and I took off. I can't say that I took off like a bat out of hell, it was more like a Fuss in a panic, this will be my new expression to indicate an intense reaction to something. I think this one may catch on with the kids and end up on UrbanDictionary.com . So, there I was, cake half in my mouth and half out, my feet didn't even reach the gas or brakes so I sat on the very edge of the seat and dangled my feet in hopes that they would make it. Poor Miguel helplessly witnessed this scenario with a look of utter horror on his face from inside the Deli, but there was nothing he could do. It must have been like Sophie's Choice for him. "Do I get my sandwich which I am really starving for, or do I risk getting a ticket and the Fuss having a heart attack at the wheel of my precious car?" The windows were fogging up due to the rain, oh and my cell phone rang and being a total dumbass I answered it. Not talking on a phone when driving is a law here . If I was stopped I would have been arrested /ticketed for like 4 things. So what did I do? I sped up to get rid of that dreadful traffic officer and I went around a truck and swung around the block twice to go back and pick up Miguel. He was hysterically laughing at my panicked state. He even high fived me when I jumped out and he jumped in behind the wheel. I was crying and saying OMGOMGOMG constantly and there was cake everywhere. Everywhere! It must have flown out of my mouth as I screamed in fear or something. The windows were almost completely fogged up and I had no idea where the defogger was and I was too hurried to look for it. People it was awful. true story.
The moral of the story? If you are in NYC or it's boroughs and you are driving a car you'd damned well better have a strong stomach and know how to parallel park. You'd also better have eyes everywhere and be able to read the signs that are on every corner stating when you can park there, when you can't and how much it's gonna cost you if you mess up. Oh and don't ever leave me innocently sitting in your car while you run into a deli for "just a minute". I don't think I have the constitution to deal with that dramarama and excitement ever again.
That's all for now :)
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