I was about to write something witty and exciting for you tonight until I had ANOTHER weird health issue today. Remember the blood clot thing in my leg I told you about before? Well today, it happened to my hand. All of a sudden my hand got blue and swollen and it hurt like a mofo. It is so excruciating I cannot even begin to tell you what the pain is like. Thank God it is my right hand (I am a lefty). As I write this I am feeling a bit better after icing it, taking some narcotics and wearing a splint. I know, I sound like your 73 year old aunt who talks ad nauseum about her Dr appts. You love her but enough already? Right? I'm sorry, I just wanted to say something since typing and writing is very hard right now and I am not doing my usual. I am wearing a splint for support and I am making tons of typos so my regular banter will have to wait a few days till this nasty thing clears up.
I did have to go to the Dr AGAIN today. Twice in two weeks is a bit much for me. As I walked in he said "what are you doing back here?" and I said "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU AND CAN'T HIDE IT ANY LONGER". That is the kind of relationship we have. Thank God he is a charming, fatherly man whom I adore. Oh, and he calls me "young lady" and anyone who does this is on my A list. The latest is, I now need to go to a hematologist. Apparently something may be wrong with my blood. My lab results from 2 weeks ago were strange in a few areas. Today was a challenge. I realized how much I take having two working hands for granted. I was at a loss for:
-Opening a pill bottle (did it with my teeth)
-holding a glass to drink from (used other hand)
-making dinner (had a peanut butter sandwich)
-buttoning and unbuttoning my pants (did it but it was searingly painful)
-showering
-taking lids off my face cream jars
-tying my shoes
-locking my door
-holding and opening my cell phone and texting
-EVERYTHING
Anyway, my opiates are kicking in and I am feeling that floaty feeling and the room is beginning to spin a bit so I will leave you but I think I will be back this weekend. This will probably take 2 to 3 days to heal and allow me to function normally again. After the past two weeks I think I may have to resort to the big guns and contact Justin Timberlake. Maybe he can assist me with bringing my sexy back. It has really taken a beating with all this nonsense lately and is on hiatus.
In the words of that wise sage Mick Jagger: WHAT A DRAG IT IS GETTING OLD :(
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