But on a positive note, I got hot new boots this week ..... :)

So this week I was quiet here. I really couldn't verbalize anything to you. Quite frankly, I felt pretty shitty about life in general and this is really not me so I decided to zip it and not prattle on here. But now, after the worst day in a very, very long time I feel like venting a bit so fasten your seat belts if you intend on reading more. Apologies in advance for sounding like an annoying self indulgent twitter post, today is all about MEMEME...

Things have been going pretty well till recently. You know when you feel like hey, life is so good, gosh I'm blessed...and then shit hits the fan and everything seems to all go at one time? Yeah, that was this week. I'm not going to go on about deep personal stuff ,suffice to say a few people really surprised me and I've been trying to make the adjustment from my expectations to the realities of human behavior. Today in the midst of my really bad day, the most supportive person in my life sent me really unsupportive, nasty text messages for no reason other than their own bad mood while I went through my ordeal completely alone.

The cherry on the sundae happened yesterday. I was working and I was going up a flight of stairs. All of a sudden, my leg hurt very badly. I pulled up my pant leg and my entire calf was covered with black raised veins that were rock hard. They felt like ropes under my skin. It was straight out of a horror movie. I stopped and felt a feeling of panic for a minute and I then went into my patients house and sat down. I called my Dr immediately and made an appointment for first thing this morning. I treated her and she noticed that something was wrong and she gave me a bottle of the most disgusting smelling stuff I've ever inhaled. She is traditional Chinese, she does not use any prescribed medicines, she only uses herbal remedies. She won't even take an aspirin or Tylenol. She rubbed this foul stuff on my leg. I knew that medically it was not going to do anything for me because my problem was obviously vascular, but I let her do it anyway because she is adorable ,97 years old and she insisted. She felt bad for me. Honestly, it felt better for a minute or two, I think it was because she was so caring, I knew it had nothing to do with that concoction.

The rest of the day was uneventful but I was in pain and I knew I had a major issue. Fortunately my translator drove me around and I did not have to walk too much.I came home and went to bed. This morning I went to my Dr. He told me what I already knew. It was a blood clot. I need surgery and I need a few other things, among them $70 Jobst compression socks that I cannot afford at the moment. Oh and please do not spam me if you sell Jobst, it will piss me off and you will not get any money from me. If you know a discounter I would be up for that info however. Normally insurance does not cover this or the surgery and it is a few G's to have done. For me however, it is a potentially life threatening issue so my wonderful Dr is going to write a letter appealing for it to be covered as a medical necessity. I also had to go for a Doppler study to my leg immediately to make sure the clot was external this time and was not going to break off and travel to my heart or lungs and kill me. Off I went. got the study done along with an x-ray and then on for blood work.

Now here is the dramatic ending to my unbearably sexy day. As I sat at that lab, I became increasingly crazed with needing to eat something and go home. I had not eaten in almost 24 hours. Too much had happened and I was too worried and anxious to eat and with all that happened today there was no time to eat. So I waited, and waited and waited. Between the Dr's office, the Doppler test and the blood lab it had been 6 long hours. Oh and I forgot to mention that a baby threw up on me at the radiology place. Yes, that was adorable. So I got to my breaking point and I went up to the desk and asked the woman there how much longer and she looked at my name on the list and said..."oh I already called you". WHAT? said I. "Isn't your name(insert totally incomprehensible butchered pronunciation of my very simple and easy to pronounce name)?? "NO" said I and I pronounced it correctly. She sheepishly apologized. Then, SHE took me by the hand to take my blood. Yes peeps, this was my blood taker.

She sat me down, did the make a fist thing, got the needle out and proceeded to stick it in and move it around for a good 5 minutes and failed at getting my vein. I kept saying "did you get it?"....she kept saying no. Finally I said, "I don't feel so good".......and BOOM. I passed out. THE MONEY SHOT BABY! My head went down and I don't remember anything but a white mass in front of my eyes. I woke up and got it together and she got her sample from my other arm and I went out in search of food.

Ten minutes later I was eating the best pizza on the planet which is thankfully 4 blocks from my apartment. It was heavenly. I then had a nice cup of snickers caramel ice cream and just sat by myself and took it all in. And then I did what I do when things are bad. I cracked up. It all just seemed so funny to me. The blood clot, the baby throwing up on me, the lack of support, the passing out, just the whole series of events. It has been almost ridiculous. And I was blessed to have a lot of support from my BFF by phone so it wasn't all terrible. And when something as surprising as a blood clot in your leg comes along it really does make all that stupid petty shit seem like the stupid petty shit that it really is, you know? I actually think I may have "needed" that clot to wake me up to the reality of what is really important and worth being upset over. Thank you Mr. Blood Clot for helping me get my brain back to where it belongs and for helping me stop giving all that unimportant crap space in my head. This experience has reinforced what I already knew to be true about myself but seemed to forget during all the commotion. Yes,it would have been nice to have someone sitting there with me throughout all that drama yesterday, holding my hand for support but there wasn't and I was perfectly fine advocating for myself and taking control of the situation with no help or support from anyone. It's what I do. Every single time. And I think back to my Mom and what a Herculean-like person she was, so strong and determined and brave in everything she did. I always wanted to be just like her. And now, I am. And this, this makes me smile a very big smile of contentment and satisfaction.

I am now off to the pharmacy to pick up a few prescriptions and my National Enquirer and I shall take to my bed for a bit with my hot new boots. Tomorrow is a new day and I can't believe it but I am actually looking forward to it!

That's all for now! :)