OK, I'm on a hot rant right now and I'm gonna just free form on you. I haven't written like this in a bit so beware, Mount Fussbudget is due for an eruption. I just got into a VERY spirited discussion with a bunch of friends about Yoga among other things. Yes, Yoga. I know I've talked about my dislike for men who do it here in the past and my feelings have not changed. Not only have they not changed, they have intensified after two more experiences with Yoga practicing weirdos.
To be honest, after my last rant I felt like maybe I was being a bit bigoted and closed minded and I decided to give yoga do-ers a chance to see if maybe I was being unnecessarily harsh. I am here to report back that no, I was not. After checking, they are still fruit loops and I was correct in my assumption that there is something definitely off about male yoga doers. Female yoga do-ers seem to be a mixed group. Some are wound so tightly that you could bounce a quarter off their faces. These people LIVE to be offended by anything and everything. Others are just normal gals who want to stay in shape and strengthen etc. In all of this, gay men seem to get a free pass. I never met an annoying gay guy whose annoyingness was tied into his Yoga doing.
The thing about these yoga people is that there seems to be this super annoying douchey subculture related to it. Toss in meditation, vegetarianism/veganism, wearing skinny pants, driving a prius, being "spiritual but not religious", being "fiscally conservative but morally liberal", listening to indie bands and watching indie movies, owning a Mac and you've got the makings of a community of super annoying Chris Martins. See, all of these things in and of themselves do not annoy me, but when they all get combined it's the perfect storm for the making of a huge jerk. The weird part is, you would think that doing yoga would make these people relaxed but no. They are uptight and offended more easily than the average person in my experience and they are definitely neurotic to a large degree. Another thing is that self aware seems to equal self absorbed. They like to think they're all sensitive and in touch with feelings and such but in truth they are only sensitive to their OWN feelings, not yours or anyone elses. They make me want to hold them down whilst I eat a nice drippy slab of ribs in front of them.
I recently met two men who were yoga doers. The red light went off when I leaned this about them but I said you know, don't be a judgemental asshole here, give this person a chance. I was rewarded with a completely humiliating experience with one of them. I won't even tell you the story but this man fancied himself to be quite the evolved person and he was the most lost, confused person I have ever encountered. He treated me like a disposable object, never apologized or tried to be a decent person. He was quite simply a nightmare who should have come with a warning label. Even now, the thought of him roaming around out there makes me wish I could warn others. He was trying so hard to be a "good person" that it seemed to be totally out of his reach. I look back on it now and I think, what the hell was I thinking in letting my guard down and giving this guy the chance to be with my fabulous self? I spent time with him trying to help him when he needed it and he just randomly dismissed me and acted like I did not exist for absolutely no reason. This after HE pursued ME and convinced me that he was "different". Oh he was different alright. He could have been my case study in my psych classes for my personality disorder unit. The thing is, I really wasn't even into him seriously but I considered him a budding friend. All I wanted was some respect back after giving it to him but he was unable to even manage something as simple as that. Honestly, he deserved to have "massengill" carved into his forehead. Remember the scenes in "Inglorious Basterds" where they carved the Nazi emblem into the captured Nazis foreheads? Well replace that with "massengill" and I would be a happy girl if I could inflict that on that thoughtless, rude man. The other Yoga doer was just flaky. Not much to tell you on it but there was something off about him from the very little that I knew about him. Had some odd quirks. Not a hurtful jerk, he was sexy, sweet and fun to be with and I really liked him a lot but there was something that just wasn't right there.
I think my point here is not to hate on all Yoga doers even if it seems that I am with this crazy scattered tirade of mine. It's not even the Yoga itself. Yoga, of course, has very clear health benefits and the same with vegetarianism, it's that it tends to be one symptom of many that leads to the fatal disease of douchebaggery. I assume part of it is location, but you want to find the most uptight, self-righteous, annoying bunch of wankers? I'm willing to bet it's the yoga, vegan, Mac owning, Prius driving, skinny pant wearing, meditating, indie rock listening set! Yet out of that lot, there will be at least one really cool person who can't stand the rest of the people who do what he does, there are always exceptions to this biased, blanket statement I'm making.
Oh, bonus for you, the discussion we had also included a rant on Natasha Beddingfield as well. I know. By now you must be wondering, what the hell does this woman actually like? Plenty! But it's not as cathartic to tell you about that as it is to bitch about the things that annoy me. It's not very fussbudgety to talk about things I like all the time is it?So Natasha Beddingfield. OK, the thing about her is, she has all the emotion of a Yoplait yogurt commercial. Kind of like...OMG, this yogurt is *expressing yourself in a heartfelt ballad* good. Does that make sense to you? I don't really know why I hate her. She seems sweet, I kind of feel bad about it but I almost want to kick her. She's just so... empowered woman write-in-journal I am my own person kind of... blah. She and Colbie Calait would frolic in sun drenched fields together. I seem to have an irrational dislike for these two broads. I do not like this entire genre of music. It makes me think of Grays Anatomy, Dawsons Creek and other stupid overwrought hour long dramas with bad dialogue and totally implausible story lines on network TV. That "pocket full of sunshine" song makes me want to kill something too, or wax my floor with something lemony smelling that will create sparkle. When I hear her music. I feel like I should be sipping a pro-biotic smoothie after my bikram yoga class and on my way to a day spa in my husbands Mercedes.
I am now signing off to do some power yoga, drink soy macchiatos and stand in front in the mirror, wearing my Louboutins thankyouverymuch.
PS.....the video I posted below pretty much sums up my feelings on Yoga guys. for some reason it wasn't embeddable in this post. I have actually met men that are not too far from this guy. .....enjoy
That's all for now :)
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