Subway Chilvary

Yesterday, I was really not doing well. I'm not going to go into the gory details, but it felt like everything in my life was crumbling and I was at my breaking point. The breaking point came at 5 pm after working all day in the bitter freezing cold and going to my physical therapy appointment. Everyone I encountered seemed to give me bad news and I was just primed for a good cry. You know, one of those therapeutic cries when you lay down in your bed with your box of puffs next to you and just cry and cry till there is nothing left and then you fall asleep from the exhaustion of it all?

The problem was, I could not hold it in during my commute home and it started, of all places, ON THE SUBWAY. Yep, on the N train as it hurtled through the tunnel underneath the 59th Street bridge. Oh it wasn't an ugly cry or anything. No one even noticed it was so contained, except one guy. He was standing in the coveted doorway spot and I was leaning against the middle pole in front of him. There were no seats. I had just tilted my face toward the floor and the tears were rolling down my face quietly. I must have looked pretty pathetic because this man who stood there just a couple of feet away from me was watching and he happened to be holding a big bouquet of flowers. I honestly didn't even notice him, I was that wrapped up in my own pain. It was at that moment that something truly adorable happened. The man with the flowers leaned toward me and handed me the bouquet. It took me a moment to realize what was happening and as I did I looked up at him and smiled and thanked him and said no....no thanks but thank you so much for doing that and that the gesture was enough. We smiled at each other for a few seconds and then the train stopped and we parted.

I'm still thinking of that man today and even though I still feel pretty awful and like a lost soul, he really made me think that maybe the world isn't such a lonely place after all. Maybe there are some good things out there that are worth hanging around for and I should try to refocus my mind of the good things I see and hear on a daily basis and filter out the negative ones that are dragging me into the state I seem to be stuck in lately.

So to the guy on the N train who noticed the girl who was crying......thank you, you are a beautiful person who crossed paths with me at just the right time. Whoever ended up getting those flowers is a very lucky person.

:)

Move Over Jennifer Love Hewitt!

For a couple of years now, I have been watching the TV show Ghost Whisperer. People have mocked me, laughed at me and shook their heads in disbelief that I could be so devoted to a TV show. Do I love this show?? Yes, I did before the recent changes but the main thing I really enjoy about this show is Jennifer Love Hewitts makeup. Every week, she is radiant, she glows, she looks luminous and her skin has a beauty that I have been wanting to capture for myself and unsuccessful at. I'm not going to say I've nailed it but Ladies and the odd Gentleman, I have come VERY close and I'll tell you how.

Recently, I was taken out for a birthday lunch and get together by a close friend. We walked, talked and had a really beautiful, elaborate lunch and a wonderful time. My mission, as far as shopping went, was to locate an Anna Sui blush stick that I have found to be my favorite blush product of all time. I have had this product for about 2 years and I really wanted to pick up another since I wear it on a daily basis. I own millions of blushes but this is THE ONE. I do not buy makeup anymore because with all the makeup I own it would be pathological and a sign of some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder if I were to continue to shop for things that I already have in abundance. My friend and I were talking about this the other night and she mentioned to me that her father refers to this as "the empty dance". The empty dance is what you do when you have something missing from your life or issues that you are not dealing with and you occupy yourself with looking for things to buy and shopping to distract yourself from the real problems or your feelings. Social ramblings aside, the point here is that I was looking to replace my beloved blush stick and I had to go to the Anna Sui Boutique because her makeup is no longer carried in any Dept Stores like it used to be.

I asked the very glittery, young and hip looking sales girl if she had this item. Of course it had been discontinued. I almost cried, but life goes on and ebay seems to be a good source for the ghost of blush sticks past. I have no idea why but I picked up a bottle of the foundation on the display table. The makeup display in the boutique was glorious. Beautiful colors, textures and lots of exciting glitter and shimmer. Then I did it. I tried the foundation on my hand. And then I tried it on my face. And then I forked over $37.50 and I now look like the poor gals version of Melinda Gordon/aka the Ghost Whisperer. When worn with Helena Rubinstein's Magic Concealer I cannot stop admiring myself in the mirror, obnoxious but true. I was lucky enough to be gifted the wonderful concealer but it is not available here, unless you by it online from ebay or an importer like Strawberry.net. As a concealer though, this is the top and it fell right into my lap with no effort spent looking for it.


Getting back to the foundation though, no one ever talks about it, or ever did when I regularly paid attention to makeup discussions. It's just the most perfect stuff for my dry skin that I've ever tried and the color match is as if it was custom blended for me. I don't need any highlighters or luminizers with it, it's got everything a person could want all rolled up in one little bottle and it's cheap to boot. I came home and washed my face. The next morning, I was on my way out to run some errands and I gave it a real test run. I checked my face out in really harsh daylight and it looked plump, healthy and completely evened out. If this stuff is discontinued I have others that I like but I will be extremely disappointed. I have hope on this surviving for a while though since the glittery sales girl (who incidentally is in the current issue of Marie Claire magazine much to my shock) mentioned that Anna loves this foundation. She also mentioned that Anna loves my discontinued blush and wears the powder version of it now which was quite fetching as well. Seeing as this was a birthday related visit, I wanted to get something exciting so I picked up a really gorgeous micro glitter mascara that is also quite beautiful. It's teal, green sliver and opalescent and looks quite subtle considering the way I'm describing it. It's not at all chunky and it adds a really beautiful interest to the eyes when lightly dabbed on the tips of already mascara'd eyes.

I must add that an honorable mention goes to Clarins Super Restorative True Lift foundation in the category of plumping, moisturizing creamy glow type of product. There is an issue with this though , the scent is shockingly strong and nauseating and it has a heavier filmy feel on my skin. I also did not appreciate the micro luminizer particles in it that I noticed after it had totally set on my skin but it did have a really pretty look for dryer skin if you are near a clarins counter and curious. Anna Sui's foundation has a really beautiful rose scent that dissipates pretty quickly but is really nice while it lasts. I could also not find a color match in the Clarins line but I am enjoying my sample that the wonderful Clarins lady gave me at the mall as I was passing through with my new tea strainer. If I had to choose though I would pick the Anna Sui product hands down.

All in all it was a wonderful day and here I sit another year older and just getting better!

Do You Feel Lucky?

OK, I'll admit it. I'm not in my 20's anymore, and I'm not even in my 30's. No, I'm into my 40's and tomorrow is my birthday. I do not look forward to this day anymore like I used to. Ask my ankle and my hip and they will tell you why.

I say all of this because I read an article in my local paper and repeated in the Enquirer (yes I know, great news source but they did crack the OJ case now didn't they?). The article was titled "Clint Eastwood trashes wimpy America." In the article there is a picture of him standing there holding a gun as usual, looking VERY angry and very vengeful and fierce. The expression on his face seems to say...."do not even THINK about letting your obnoxious dog pee on my lawn kid". In the article he speaks of the state of this country and he theorizes as to why we are (according to him) a "wussy generation".

He talks about how he grew up during the depression and how hard things were and how he followed his father while he chased work all over northern California during this tough time in our nations history. He says that Americans are spineless jellyfish who run home to Mama, hire a lawyer and point the finger of blame at others instead of fighting their own battles. When asked about the depression he states that "people were tougher then, we live in more of a wussy generation now where everybodies become used to saying...how do we handle this psychologically? In those days you just punched the bully back and defended yourself." He also remembered that in slugging it out even if the bully was bigger or stronger that you that "even if you lost you were respected for fighting back and you'd be left alone from then on."

He said that he wasn't really sure when "the wussy generation started, maybe when people started asking about the meaning of life". He said that he was reminded of this countries "blame others" mentality while visiting a glacier in Iceland. He was shocked to see a simple cable preventing people from falling off a ledge that provided a breathtaking view of the natural wonder. He said "I said to myself "In the states, they'd have that hurricane fenced off because they're afraid somebodies gonna fall and some lawyers going to appear. There, the mentality was like in America in the old days: if you fall, you're stupid. "

He also wondered what will happen the next time America gets it's nose bloodied because a lot of people have already forgotten 9/11 after just seven years. He stated that "maybe you remember if you lost a relative or loved one but the public can get pretty blase about stuff like that, Nobody got blase about Pearl Harbor". End of interview.

Here is the scary part in all of this. I am whispering here but.........I really agree with a lot of what this man is saying. I do not think I would have agreed when I was younger but age and life experience has made me see enough to know that there is a lot of truth in what he is saying. When I was in my 20's I would have thought he was an old crab who didn't understand how evolved we've become as human beings. Of course there is a lot wrong here and he really oversimplifies things but the core of what he is saying is really quite true. Maybe it signifies I am an old curmudgeon like him but I too am totally sick of all the annoying ,litigious people out there and I have had it to the nth degree with no one wanting to own their behaviors and always blaming someone else for their problems. There are a lot of really dumb people out there who don't even try to be anything other than dumb because they know they can blame everyone else for whatever doesn't work out in their lives or whatever goes wrong for them. I know so many people like this. Well I should say I knew because I do not really deal with them anymore but it truly amazes me at the lack of substance out there. I am not a political person at all, I have my views and all but I do not like to debate things with people because it annoys and frustrates me. I do think that a lot of what this man is saying is at the root of the huge mess this country is in right now in a lot of ways which I'm not going to proselytize about here.

I must say that reading his comments really did crack me up, I laughed out loud at a lot of it because I have had these thoughts but never really put them into words. What I really like is that this is a person who does not give a flip about what you think, he is not trying to impress anyone, he has a hot young wife and has had a very long successful career and is pretty much coming to the end of the road. Being politically correct (a phrase that annoys me in itself, happy "holidays" anyone?)is the very farthest thing from his mind. I do not agree with everything he says but a lot of it is really on point. I do not condone beating people up and I do not think being introspective about your life is a sign of weakness but I see what he is saying and I give major props to Dirty Harry on this one.

That's all for now! :)

Featured Fragrance Review: Estee Lauder Private Collection Amber Ylang Ylang

I am a fragrance lover through and through. I have many, many bottles and vials of perfume from all over the world due to my membership on makeupalley.com. A few years ago I became nearly obsessed with trying every perfume I could get my hands on. Now, I still love fragrance but I do not have the urge and drive to acquire everything I hear about. If someone gives me something or I am standing at a counter with perfume, I will give a spritz or two. I also have a good friend who regularly obtains samples and bottles of rare fragrances and I am the lucky person who she shares it all with. I am not an Estee Lauder fragrance fan in general, at least the modern releases. Every one seems to be a fruity floral, which I have no interest in.

The Granddaughter of the venerable Estee, Aerin Lauder, has decided to venture into a different realm with the creation of two fragrances that have been dubbed "private collection" fragrances. Ms Lauder is the "creative director" at Estee Lauder. These are exclusive to a few limited stores. They are not available at every Estee Lauder counter out there. Here in NYC I have seen them at Lord And Taylor, Bergdorfs and Saks. I believe they are also at Nordstroms and Neiman Marcus. The first fragrance that was released last summer was Private Collection Tuberose Gardenia. The newest release from this fall is the one I am speaking about here today, Amber Ylang Ylang.

The description taken from the Estee Lauder website is as follows: "The second fragrance in Aerin Lauder's Private Collection, here in Eau de Parfum Spray. Warm and inviting. Luminous and intimate. The richness of Amber and Ylang Ylang combine with the luxurious depth of Sandalwood and Vanilla. The cap is a work of art, with a hammered gold texture." The notes listed are as follows:
Fragrance Type: Oriental Amber

Top Notes

Ylang Absolute
Italian Bergamot
Geranium

Middle Notes

Bulgarian Rose Absolute
Cinnamon Ceylon
Incense

Base Notes

Vanilla Bean
Sandalwood
Amber


I love warm scents and anything with vanilla and amber featured immediately interests me as long as it's not overly heavy or sweet. I do not like anything that smells like food or has a really dense, suffocating quality and I am relieved to tell you that this is neither of those. A good friend commented that this was extremely similar to Guerlains L'Instant only better ,and I have to completely agree with her. I have always liked L'Instant but it's very unpredictable on me. Sometimes it's perfect and other times it is just too thick and heavy for me. This fragrance is a more subtle, smoother L'instant to me. It's warm, comforting in a blankety way and pretty simple. The rose, cinnamon and incense really are not identifiable but they give it some body and interest. I was really worried that the ylang ylang would ruin it for me because this is a note that I find to be a deal breaker with a lot of fragrances. It can have a sharp, medicinal quality that leaves a jarring edge to a perfume if it's featured as a prominent player, but it is used to perfection here. It seems to keep this fragrance from being too heavy while still letting it be it's soft smooth self. The amber and vanilla are the skeleton of this and what it all boils down to in the end. This is very easy to wear and not all that exciting which is good when you want something that you really don't have to have an event to wear it to. I would never wear this in warmer weather but this is a perfect sweater weather fragrance and I am very pleased with how well done it is.

I would like to mention that the pure parfum is really beautiful and the star here. It is rich and rounded and not obnoxiously strong. It lasts for many, many hours the and only smallest dab is needed. As far as the actual
scent, the difference between the EDP and pure parfum is just a matter of lasting power and strength of the base notes but if you like this scent either formulation is acceptable. Overall I think this is very well done and definitely worth checking out if you are a fan of fragrances like L'Instant or warmer ambery vanilla's. The price points for this fragrance are $65 for a one ounce bottle of EDP, $120 for a 2.5 ounce bottle of EDP and $300 for a one ounce bottle of pure parfum.

That's all for now! :)

Happy New Year!

New Years eve is a touchy thing for me. I've always hated it, and even when I was a kid in my 20's I never went out and "partied" like I was probably supposed to do. I have two particular NY's eves that really seem to stick out in my mind above all others. My fondest New Years eve memory is of the time that I was with a bunch of friends driving around in a blizzard in upstate New York to be with my Mother at the stroke of midnight. My friends parents were all out or with each other and my Mother was a widow and made no big deal out of NY's eve ,but I remember feeling sadness at the thought of her being alone at midnight. I was probably 16 or 17 at the time and one of my friends sisters drove us around because she had her license. We decided that no matter where we were that we were going to be at my house with my Mom when Dick Clark pronounced it a new year.

We had nowhere to go really because none of us were wild and crazy girls so we just drove around and it was a terrible night. The wind was howling and the road was blanketed with snow, but when you're young you don't think of the possibilities of an accident on a night like NYs eve because you think you're immortal. At about 11:15, we began to head to my house from a town away and we noticed that there was a car following us very closely on the desolate road that we were traveling. Even though we were all in good spirits and singing along with a blasting radio, we all began to get a little nervous. The car behind us began to flash it's lights at us. My friends sister pulled the car over as we all screamed at her not too. We were convinced that we were about to be murdered. A young man got out of the car and walked up to our window and leaned in. He said "can you tell me how to get to Meadow street?" We bursted out laughing. This person had been following us through two towns and obviously did not want to find Meadow street. He was young too and was driving around a carload of young guys much the same as we were doing. This is what people did in small towns when I was growing up. We were bored out of our skulls and not drug takers so we just aimlessly drove around looking for others who were bored to hang out with. We wished each other a Happy NY and went our separate ways and headed toward my house. The look on my mothers face when we arrived was priceless. She was in her nightgown with her chips, dip and soda, watching TV and she looked so happy and welcoming. That was probably 25 years ago and I still remember it in enough detail to tell it to you now. It makes me feel better about not having a wild NY's eve each year because to me, NY's eve is about being with the person or people who mean most to you in the world. NY's eve is a time of looking back on the past year and being honest with yourself about your choices and the way you're living your life and whether it's working for you or not. To me, it's sort of like a yearly check-up, like you would have with your Dr. Is the direction your life is going in the way you want it to be and if it isn't, what can you do to change it and be a better person? I usually look at how I have failed myself and others and try to set things right and I also try to give myself credit for getting through the difficult times and for being resilient and for doing the good things that I have done.



The other NY's eve I vividly remember was the millennium, from 1999 to 2000. I had come through a truly horrible time. My Mother had passed away a few years prior and I had spent the years since going back to school for another degree to change the direction of my life and I had also decided that I was not going to be overweight anymore after a lifetime of struggle. In 1997 I lost 89 pounds. I was working on keeping it off and enjoying life as a hot single chick. One of the dearest people on earth who I have known since 1986 invited me to his place to ring in the NY with him and another old friend. Off I went, for my first celebration as a thin woman. I wore a VERY short leopard print miniskirt and a fitted black top and knee high boots. He lived above a jazz club so we went downstairs to the club and listened to a few sets of the music before heading back upstairs to his apartment to ring in the new year. He took special care to buy a nice bottle of champagne and we gathered around as the 1 minute countdown started. The plan was to pop the cork at exactly midnight. There we stood , all ready to scream Happy New Year as he began to pull the cork out...10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-..........NOTHING. The bottle would not uncork. We stood there glasses in hand and experienced the most anti-climactic moment of our lives while he shrieked, 'Oh My God! I cannot get the cork out!". Then we all laughed hysterically for quite a while. We are all self deprecating people and agreed that this was par for the course with our lives in general. All the build up and for WHAT?! But to this day we still occasionally refer to the big NY's bust of 2000. It's become a sort of real life Charlie Brown moment. Wah-wahhhh.



So today, on this New Years day 2009, I wish you all the best year possible. I hope you find the strength and motivation to make your dreams come true and enjoy and easily cope with each and every moment of what life has in store for you. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us and for me personally I plan on truly participating in life to the fullest and letting each and every person who loves me know how much that love means to me and returning it in kind.



Happy New Year! :)