Yays and Nays

Today was quite the day. For some reason I was highly annoyed quite a bit. And NO Aunt Flo isn't visiting for any sexist jerks out there theorizing on why I might be extra bitchy today.

I think I'm just going to make a list of the annoying things and balance them with some good ones so I don't come off as a totally miserable shrew.

Realize,this is a purely self-indulgent, cathartic, venting type of exercize for me so you might want to skip this entry if you have a low tolerance for bitching.


The Sour:

1.)People who walk in front of me on the street or in the subway in a meandering, zig-zag fashion. WTF people? To the left to the left? To the right to the right? MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

2.)In a related gripe, people who STOP dead at the top of an escalator. When I am behind them. And that vicious machine is still angrily cranking it's evil, gnashing metal stairs rapidly along. Get the pic?

3.) The existence of Twitter. I don't care what you had for lunch. I don't care about your new shoes. I don't care about the douchebag move your neighbor pulled. Please stop it. Stop it right now. Just stop. Okay? Please?


4.)John and Kate plus 8. COME ON. For the love of all that is holy, why am I being bombarded with the lurid details of their daily existence? I have never watched their show. I refuse to. I hate these people. Well, maybe not the kidlets, they don't deserve my fury but Mom and Dad suck ballz. How did they land a show? Why are they referred to as a "celeb" couple? This just infuriates me. It is indicative of everything that is wrong in the world. If this show is renewed for another season...well, then we have finally let the terrorists win haven't we?

5.) Insincere people. Confused People. People who say one thing and mean another and think I'm a mind reader. People who lack the ability to view others as thinking, feeling individuals just like them. People who do not live by the principle of treating others as they wish to be treated. It's so simple isn't it?

6.)Lara Spencer on The Insider. You know her, that skinny blond on that stupid Entertainment Tonight rip off show. I loathe this woman. I used to love her when she was on channel 7 here in NYC as a human interest segment reporter. Now she is a vapid fool. One minute she talks about David Carradine's death, the next she's telling you all about her outfit and her accessories and where to get them. I would love to slap her silly and ask her what happened to her since she moved to Hollywood.


7.) Passive aggressive psycho boss who tells me how amazinglyfabulous I am and then screams at me for something I had absolutely nothing to do with. Then hangs up on me without listening to me explain. Then figures out she wrongly chewed my face off. Then does not bother to apologize. Watch out for the fish bones beeatch, they're gonna get you eventually.


The Sweet:

1.)A patients wife giving me a glass of homemade lemonade today. Then she hugged me and told me she loved me. Then I watched her change her severely impaired husbands diaper and feed him lunch. And smile and cuddle him through the entire ordeal. If she was a man I would kidnap her and marry her. Hell, maybe I still will. Vermont is only a state away.

2.) The existence of Simon Baker. Don't like blonds per se. Am a bit confused by this but think of him occasionally in a day dreamy way and actually smile.

3.) My home cooked dinner of chicken curry stew. Take an onion, few cloves of garlic, bit of oil. Let it go for a bit. Add a tsp of GOOD curry powder, tsp of cumin and 2 tsp coriander. Few shakes of sriracha sauce. salt to taste. Let it get toasty. Now add about 10 to 12 skinless chicken drummettes. Now dump in a 16 ounce can of tomato sauce. Maybe a 1/2 can water. Now add a pound of chunked up carrots. Cover and let it go. for like an hour. Take the chicken out. Add about 4 zucchinis cut up roughly. Let it go for maybe 15 to 20 min. Add the chicken back to the pot. Stir in 1/4 cup greek yogurt. NOT the sissy yogurt, the manly greek stuff. Lastly add 2 Tablespoon peanut butter. That's it. YUMMO. Eat over Jasmine or Basmati rice and send me fan letters.

4.)The existence of Bacon. I thought about Bacon today and I smiled and felt warmly inside. Yes, it's capitalized and I know it and it always should be. If I could be intimate with a food, it would be Bacon. I would not fuck Bacon. I would make sweet love to Bacon. And you all know how I feel about that phrase "make love". It grosses me out like nothing else but with Bacon, I would fully realize that "making love" really does exist. I would marry Bacon. I'm tearing up just thinking of how happy Bacon and I would be together. Till the end of our lives, forever and ever. No judging, no worries or disappointments ever. Wait, where was I? Oh right, blog entry...*ahem, cough cough*

5.) A text I got today from my ex. This is a man who talks about poop with me and forays it into a reasonably intelligent conversation. It was a picture of a donut. It went like this:

Him: *insert donut pic*

Me: ?????

Him: I just ate a donut

Me: Ahhh, it was that simple


THE END. That interaction was the most satisfying one I had all day. It made me laugh. It made me smile. It made me feel understood in a strange way.


That's all for now :)

Monday Mourning

Why is it that every Monday is so painful for me? Is it because I have just had a weekend of not being held to a schedule and Monday heralds the return of the alarm clock and one hour to compose myself and run out into the world looking fully refreshed and ready to go? When I am asked to do something for my job on a Monday, I always have to say yes. It's not like Thursday where I can mumble, gee, it's already Thursday, tomorrow is Friday...why don't we leave this till next week? The Thursday excuse always works. Monday means I should be in a wonder-woman like state, ready to tackle anything with no complaints.

The issue here is that I am an extremely nocturnal creature. It takes only one day off for me to be up till 3 or 4 am and sleeping till noon. Sunday night is usually fraught with anxiety at not being able to go to sleep at a decent hour and knowing that I am going to be in a semi coma-like state on Monday when everyone else is at their maximum perkiness. There are very few people in my life who truly understand this dilemma. It became apparent when I was a small child. My mother would always find me awake in my room quietly playing long after my bedtime. I just could not go to sleep at the same time as everyone else. As an adult I met a man who explained to me the whole concept of my internal body clock and that it was probably set like this at birth. I could change it temporarily but I would always revert back to my norm. Sundays are the beginning of it all. I feel a sense of dread on Sundays. I can't even live in the moment and enjoy not working because I know it will shortly be over and I will be back into that grind that I hate so much. I enjoy my job but I do not enjoy being on that schedule. I hate everything about mornings here. Coffee, perkiness, morning newspapers, exposure to lots of people and noise,morning TV (all those mind numbingly stupid Good Day shows).

Oh those shows. I don't care that there is a place that will help me lose weight via acupuncture as well as get rid of my mustache at the same time. SHUT UP. I WANT TO SLEEP. I also do not want to see the chef from one of the "hottest" restaurants in town preparing his signature grilled chicken just in time for all those family BBQ's I will never be attending anyway. And most of all, I do not want to watch 400 screaming tweens going into mass hysteria at Miley Cyrus's lip synced version of her latest hit in the middle of the street. I am old enough to remember her father and his mullet and his achy breaky heart routine and I do not care to endure any musical performance from anyone with the last name of Cyrus ever again.

I guess my point is, I am feeling like we have come far enough as a society to allow people to NOT all be obligated to be up at that ungodly hour of 7 am. The song "Imagine" by John Lennon enters my mind. "Imagine no alarm clocks, it's easy if you can. No coffee, no Regis and Kelly, no express bus to midtown. Imagine all the people, sleeping life awaaaaaaay woo-hooo hoo hoo hoo:.....I think you get the picture. I realize that I am out of the norm on this one but it is my hope that someday, somewhere the people who are up and out at 7 am will be the freaks and I will be the norm. Kind of like that Twilight Zone Episode where the beautiful woman has plastic surgery to conform to the ideal of beauty in the society she is living in. She wakes up from surgery and they take her bandages off and and she is a stunningly beautiful woman. She looks in the mirror and screams bloody murder, the staff has to sedate her and restrain her from hurting herself at the disappointment. The camera then pans over to the Dr and the nurses in the room who are all considered the normal standard....and they all have horrible PIG FACES!!!!!! Yep, that's what I am feeling like here......I'm tired of being societies pig face, I want to be the norm, or not even the norm but not something frowned upon.

So here here!!! Throw out your alarm clocks and boycott Regis and Kelly and well as Good Morning America and enjoy a few more hours sleep. You know you need it anyway. And I will just bet that if you get that extra sleep you will be a hell of a lot nicer to deal with in the end as well!!

That's all for now. :)